| Attributes | Values |
|---|
| rdfs:label
| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Moruga Scorpion Chili
|
| rdfs:comment
| - {{Review_request|17:04, February 8, 2014 (UTC)}}
|
| dcterms:subject
| |
| Mcomment
| - Very funny section headers!
|
| Pcomment
| - Your writing is well-structured and interesting. You use words and phrases wittily, so that they make your points even funnier. For example, I liked what you did with "hot", playing with its definitions. I think that more of this could make Moruga Scorpion Chili even funnier. For example, you can create a certain ambiguity about the way in which the pepper is hot. Or not, you choose. That's just that after I read "Henry Duotone, the world's hottest man", I thought you were about to go that way and you have never returned to that aspect later. Actually, the first sentence also seems to touch the idea of the word's double meaning, but perhaps it is just my vivid imagination .
The use of "you" in the Probable flavour is not very encyclopaedic. You don't always have to make your article look like a Wikipedia one, but often, if you take a certain distance from the reader, you can make your work funnier than when you address him directly. In your case, I think that it could help you.
What concerns other aspects of your prose, I found grammar good with a very few exceptions, which were probably accidental . Nevertheless, I've done some proofreading and here is what I found:
*In the introduction, you say: "They are strictly not for eating" and I am rather sure that there is a mistake in here. Even if this is not the case, this phrase gives birth to another issue, which I discussed in the Humour section of the review: you are summarising the joke before telling it.
*In Trial and error, you could rephrase "Now the director of the Chili Pepper Institute of Enterprise and Circumstance he recently commented".
*In Cultivation section, the phrase it requires so much sunlight and magnetism sounds rather vague, as it implies that the reader knows exactly how much of sunlight and magnetism this kind of pepper needs. Maybe replace "so" with a more specific adverb?
*In The Clinker Method, the last sentence does not sound very well: I think that "the Moruga Scorpion plant cannot die nor be destroyed" should be replaced with "the Moruga Scorpion plant can neither die, nor be destroyed.
Punctuation is good and the only thing I could possibly reproach to you is your unique way of using semi-colons: I corrected one but there is still another one left in the introduction - "narrowly beating its arch rival; the Chinese Kong". Did you mean - "its arch rival - the Chinese Kong"?
|
| Icomment
| - The images were chosen with care, which I can see!
thumb|right|250px|Farmers are advised to gather the Chili before it is ripe, because otherwise there is a risk of it turning into a scorpion.
#The first one is great!
#For number two - are you sure it is "combustable" and not "combustible"?
#What concerns the Clinker method, I wonder how the picture itself is linked to the method. It is distracting, as it doesn't show the reader anything new about the Moruga Scorpion Chili or its cultivation. At the same time, that's why it cannot humorously backup the points you make in the article.
#The fourth one is also funny and it would be even more suitable if it was closer to the introduction, as well as the CU section.
|
| Pscore
| |
| Ccomment
| - I found the ideas you introduced mainly very well-developed! The only thing I, as a reader, would wish is more of them! The article is not very long but it is clever and original and so the reader will definitely want to spend more time reading it!
You have talked about history of the Chili in the article, but perhaps an entire section about it would be a good idea?
Were there any famous uses of it?
Also, there were three paragraphs about people's experiences in your article and so you might be interested in this quote I found on Wikipedia:
Have you tried the Moruga Scorpion Chili? Based on some research, I don't think it's very probable, but you already include many details, some of which are truthful to a certain degree . So is there anything else about the experience itself that you could include?
----
These were suggestions for any future additions to your article . The only thing that could be done better is the organisation of sections. The headers were funny, but somehow they made the article look quite unorganised. The section about the history of Combustion Units seems like an alien, because it interrupts a line of ideas about the Moruga Scorpion Chili. Won't it be more suitable at the beginning of the article? There connections between two subsequent sections is not always clear, but that pretty much all.
|
| Cscore
| |
| Mscore
| |
| Hcomment
| |
| Iscore
| |
| Hscore
| |
| Fcomment
| - I really hope this review will help you to make your article even funnier, then it already is! You may need to reorganise it a bit, to check whether all of your phrases are essential to your concept and humour and maybe to add a few sections to the article - but overall, good job! I should be honest, I have never seen a user to whom features come so quickly! This is why I am sure that its destiny is to reach the main page!
|
| dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate
| |
| Signature
| |
| abstract
| - {{Review_request|17:04, February 8, 2014 (UTC)}}
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)