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  • Phantom of the Telethon/Quotes
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  • :Stan: Ladies and gentlemen, the United States may be the greatest nation in the world, but do you know what the second greatest nation is? :Man in Crowd: El Salvador! :Stan: No, not Mexico. ---- :Stan: Well, that's our show, folks. If you're interested in learning more about torture, follow an immigrant into your police station. ---- :Roger: Stan, tell them the truth or they're gonna think I'm a liar. :Steve: That spaceship sailed a long time ago. ---- :Stan: So, a lot of people think that C.I.A. stands for "Central Intelligence Agency". Not true, folks. Fact is, C.I.A. actually stands for "Stan Smith was born with both male and female genetalia". :Steve: That's not what we wrote! We don't go blue. That's the lazy man's comedy. :Snot: Balls! :Steve: [chuckles] Maybe we're working too hard. ---- :Roger: You know what show I tried to save? The Ghost Whisperer. :Francine: It's still on. :Roger: Really? ---- :Hayley: [after seeing footage of a porno film mixed into the CIA blooper reel] What the hell was that? :Francine: Honey, that's what you have to do after a man takes you to a fancy dinner. ---- :Bullock: The Democrats have completely cut our torture budget. They're using the money to teach inner city kids...to read. ---- :Stan: Lying is wrong! I'd know that if only I'd paid attention to anything that's ever happened to me before. ---- :Stan: We need the money to fund official unofficial CIA torture. ---- :Roger: "The bomb is disarmed!" [Crowd cheers] That's what I'm gonna say when I disarm the bomb! :Stan: Roger! :Roger: [Disarms bomb] The arm is disbombed! Damn it. ----
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  • Phantom of the Telethon
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