rdfs:comment
| - Johnson was born under a full moon on Salisbury Plain. Legend has it that his future greatness was foreshadowed when, as an infant, he was attacked by snakes, which he defeated by shooting them all to bits with a tiny little automatic flintlock pistol. Once he had defeated all of the snakes on the plain, he went to school at Stourbridge, where he met his future lifelong rival, Dr. Samuel "No L." Johnson. This is typified by an incident described both in Boswell's Life of Johnson. According to Boswell, L accused L-less of being fat, to which Johnson replied,
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abstract
| - Johnson was born under a full moon on Salisbury Plain. Legend has it that his future greatness was foreshadowed when, as an infant, he was attacked by snakes, which he defeated by shooting them all to bits with a tiny little automatic flintlock pistol. Once he had defeated all of the snakes on the plain, he went to school at Stourbridge, where he met his future lifelong rival, Dr. Samuel "No L." Johnson. Whilst Dr. S. Johnson was a sickly child who suffered from scrofula, obesity, depression, Tourette's Syndrome, dropsy and spastic bladder disorder, Dr. S.L. Johnson grew up to be a towering pillar of ebony muscle. His body was chock full of midiclorians, thus giving him the ability to manipulate the Force. However, he was just so cool that he rarely had to do so, and preferred to save his Jedi powers for literary battles with Alexander Popeatine and Darth Byron. Johnson and Johnson (no relation to either the shampoo company of the same name, or the '80s TV show Simon & Simon) took an immediate dislike to each other. This is typified by an incident described both in Boswell's Life of Johnson. According to Boswell, L accused L-less of being fat, to which Johnson replied, To this, Johnson slowly and menacingly replied: He then beat up Johnson and took his "Bad Mother Fucker" wallet. S. L.'s biography (see below) confirms most of this story, but denies that Samuel Johnson ever owned any such wallet.
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