Hey, this is my first article! Please respond in depth. Thank you, Z3R0 B0UR.
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| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Vehicular manslaughter
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| rdfs:comment
| - Hey, this is my first article! Please respond in depth. Thank you, Z3R0 B0UR.
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| Mcomment
| - My average score of this article.
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| Pcomment
| - A common problem with first time articles are spelling errors. Not to worry though, you can use the spelling check on MS Word, which can pinpoint the errors for you. Yet be warned; it cannot always be reliable, as it may miss a word or can say something is misspelled even if it’s correct. The second option if the proofreading service we have on Uncyclopedia. All you have to do is type in this template:
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and somebody can come over and fix the mistakes for you. It’s that simple!
Secondly, the intro is in the wrong place. It should be above the table of contents. Putting under a section is not necessary, so fix this.
Thirdly, I think you attempted to link to something yet didn’t do it right and it resulted into a red link. I was nice enough to fix it for you, but try to put in the right article when you’re linking it to yours, and also make sure that article exist so we can avoid the red menace of the red links, because they are so annoying.
Finally, you have a few strike-through throughout the article. I’ve been told that this nowadays is overused, and therefore I highly suggest that you avoid using them.
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| Icomment
| - I gave you a zero not because I’m being a dick , but because you have no images and therefore would be stupid to put a score, causing me to be laughed at by my fellow Pee Review colleges. You see, images are what make an article come to life . They help support your articles, making it look less boring, and so on. In other words, images are the butter for your bread . Images that I would suggest include the following: images of a guy getting hit by a car, about to get hit by a car, guy after getting hit by a car, a typical vehicular slaughter person, and such. They can be found all over the web, and if there is no image that you like, go to the Radical X corner and request someone to make a specific image for you. I’ve done it, and it works!
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| Ccomment
| - I think you have a good idea going here but I think you’re not executing it properly. One major problem is that you tried to put two articles into one. HowTo articles are a separate type of article, and using a HowTo as a section causes the article to change from an encyclopedic concept to a do this do that concept, and that’s not a wise thing to do. You should always choose one concept and stick to it throughout the entire article. That goes with tone as well. Never switch from a third person tone to a first; that is confusing as well as annoying. Just pick one and stay with it. Also, I think you should get ideas from this. Not a feature but it’s a good article to get examples from nevertheless.
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| Hcomment
| - Now since you said that this is your first article, I suspected that you probably made several mistakes. But that’s ok, everybody’s first article does, especially mine first articles. But enough about that, let’s get down to business.
First I’m going to start with quotes. You see here, quotes are only funny if used properly, and here none of the quotes are anywhere near funny. So it’s best to remove them, or replace them with funnier quotes.
On terms of facts, try to be at least true 50% or more. It’s wise to remember that the funniest articles are closer to the truth. Don’t be afraid to look on other online sources like Wikipedia to get useful info for humor . I also like to note that North Korea has very few people with cars , but you can say something like “some of the few people who have cars in North Korea like to run fellow citizens over as well as government officials. This is up to you, but it’s a great idea.
During my time in Uncyclopedia, I have learned the hard way that lists can only be funny if done in a way that creates humor; and I’m afraid this is not the case here. Instead of a list, I high suggest that you should instead turn that list into a paragraph. I think it’ll look much better than how it is currently.
Finally, and I learned this the hard way as well, you should always avoid random humor. Things such as “Steak is delicious” can ruin the professionallity of the article. If you’re going to do something like that, something like the following can work:
“Alright, here I am, with my girlfriend. Fact: She's my girlfriend. Fact: I fucked her mother. Fact: She's unaware that I fucked her mother. Fact: I can't keep it to myself that I fucked my girlfriend's mother. Fact: Carlos has a big penis. Wait, where the hell did that came from? Scratch that last thought.” You don’t have to write in that context, but it’s an idea that you can use. Other than that, try to avoid random humor. And please avoid one line sections like the section “Escaping Vehicular Manslaughter” which only has “Run for your fucking LIFE!!!!!” Those are very annoying as well as overuse, so avoid that kind of crap.
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| Fcomment
| - Sorry for the delay, had many things to do, but hell I got it done. Anyways, don’t be disappointed with the score. It’s you’re first article, so it’s common to have mistakes. Just follow what I said, and read the HTBFANJS and you should be good to go. Hell, it may even be applicable for VFH. If it does manage to get there, you definitely got my vote. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to go to my talk page and I’ll be more than happy to reply. Good Luck! Cheers!
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| abstract
| - Hey, this is my first article! Please respond in depth. Thank you, Z3R0 B0UR.
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