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| - NC: Well, that's lucky. NC: Tired, my friends? Group: Yes. NC: As am I. But we have quite a problem. *cut to chair* One chair and several of us. Now, I'm sure there's a perfectly rational adult way to deal with this- Dibs! Linkara: Dibs! Ah! *looks frustrated* Phelous: *to dolls* That's right, friends. We're gonna rest now! Linkara: Might I bring up something troubling to you as your noble king? NC: *doesn't look at him* If I said no, would it matter? Linkara: Well, don't you think it's odd that there's just a chair in the middle of the forest? NC: *opens eyes and looks at him* What are you talkin' about, Hamlet? Linkara: Well well well... Just something as easily movable as a chair just sitting here in the middle of the forest. Almost as if someone was waiting here for a while. NC: ...That's a good point. Linkara: Almost as if someone was...watching us. NC: Actually, that's a really, really good point. Linkara: We best be on our guard. NC: Yeah. Linkara: Make sure we're really well-prepared. NC: Yeah. Linkara: Don't trust anyone. NC: Yeah! Linkara: We need... NC: Yeah? Linkara: *holds up binder* A musical number! NC: What?! Linkara: *singing* We need a musical to start this song now- NC: Get out of here! We're not singing! Linkara: *opens binder* Oh, come on! I'm already working on the lyrics. *picks up pencil* By the way, do you know anything that rhymes with castrati? NC: GO! Bennett: Come on! 8-Bit Mickey: Just do it already! Bennett: For the good of everyone, just do it! Go! 8-Bit Mickey: Go! Go! Chick: *sighs* Fine! Chick: Critic, honey, um... There's a little something that we need to talk about. NC: *leans forward* Yeah? And what's that, ladies? Lupa: Well, there's a certain article of clothing that you have on that you may not be used to... Chick: And as such, there's a certain etiquette you might wanna keep in mind while you're...wearing it? NC: *leans back, exposing his brief-covered crotch* What are you talkin' about? Lupa: *facepalms* Sweet Jesus. Chick: There are certain... There are certain things that sh...should be covered...up. NC: *oblivious* I know. That's why I got the hat. Chick: There are... There are certain things that need to remain closed. NC: *still oblivious* I know, and I for one respect Chick-fil-A for not serving people on Sunday. Now, if only we can get it where they don't serve Christians. Chick: There are certain things- *gives up* I can see your balls. NC: What? Chick: I can see your balls. Like, hanging out of your tighty whities. NC: *looks down* Oh, good God! *He tugs the skirt down and looks around.* Chick: I can see your sack. NC: Oh my God! You could see my junk this whole time? That's terrible! *tugs skirt frantically* How do you ladies walk around in these things?! Chick: Well, you want us to show you? Phelous: What's that my little friends? You want me to kill Bennett? We can't do that. He hasn't done anything to us. There's no reason to kill him! ...Or is there? NC: This is so embarrassing. Lupa: Posture, Critic, posture. You'll never be a lady that way. NC: I don't wanna be a lady! Lupa: You'll be a lady and like it, panty-wearing sissy! Ma-Ti: I found it. Ma-Ti: It took me a while, but I finally found it! Chick: Um... *clears throat and looks over at NC and Lupa* Hey! Little Women! Get over here. NC: Ma-Ti? What, what, what, what, what, what are you doing here? Ma-Ti: I found Nostalgia Chick's contact lens. Can I join your mission now? NC: Um... We'd like to have you, Ma-Ti. We'd really like to, but, um... There's another special mission that we need you for. Ma-Ti: Really? What's that? NC: Um... NC: Mickey has erectile dysfunction. 8-Bit Mickey: What?! Ma-Ti: Wooooow! How do you know that? NC: Doesn't matter. Bottom line is this is a problem that he has to live with every day. Look at the anger on that face. *Mickey stares angrily, shaking his head* Look how tormented he is. That is years and years of pain building up. It's bad. Real bad. And we can't live with it, Ma-Ti. It has to be solved. Ma-Ti: Couldn't I just buy some Viagra for him? NC: You could...if it wasn't psychological. Ma-Ti: Hm... NC: ...Mickey likes goats. Ma-Ti: Goats? NC: Yes. And he can only get it up to goat...porn. Ma-Ti: They make that? NC: It's the Internet, Ma-Ti. They have porn for everything. Especially for people as sick, demented, and twisted as Mickey. *Mickey still looks angry as he says this* So go, Ma-Ti. Go to the library! Find information! Everything you can about goat...porn! Find the goat porn, and you'll find the way. Ma-Ti: But Critic, how...wha...I- NC: *interrupts* Ah bup bup bup bup! Ma-Ti... The power is yours. Ma-Ti: ...Right. NC: Right. Ma-Ti: Okay. NC: Okay. *pats his shoulder* Ma-Ti: Okay, I'll find the goat porn. NC: *to the others* Alright people, let's get movin'! Ma-Ti: Don't worry, Mickey. I'll help you overcome your problems with bestiality. 8-Bit Mickey: Well, ah... *lightly punches Ma-Ti's chest* What more could a goatfucker ask for? Alright. NC: *reading the map* God, this thing is so difficult to follow. *moves further ahead* Who would've thought a chain letter would be so difficult? Group: A chain letter?! NC: Shouldn't have said that. *turns around* Lupa: We've been following a chain letter this whole time? Handsome Tom: Fucker! NC: Okay, it may have come from an anonymous source, but I swear it's legit! *Everyone looks angry* Oh, by the way, we have to mail this to 50 or more people or else we get bad luck. Voice: Go no further! Voice: Go no further! I am the Watcher in the Woods. I see all. NC: Well, what do you want? Voice: Anyone who wishes to pass must answer three questions correctly. Only then will I allow them admittance. If not, you do not want to know the alternative. NC: *nods* Alright. Ask your questions. Voice: Question one: Do you have any money? NC: No. Voice: Do your friends have any money? NC: No. Voice: Is there any place close by where you can get money? NC: Not really, no! Chester: Okay, you can go. NC: Does that ever work? Chester: *glares* It does for people who have MONEY! Spoony: You shall not pass! Cloak 3: Don't use the magic. You know what it does to you! Besides, you're a lousy shot. *runs off* Cloak 1: Yes. All I need for them is this. *brandishes sword and runs* Paw: Ah, at last! A worthy place to call our battlefield! Marzgurl: *in Japanese, gesturing* (subtitles: Come on!) Paw: Ah, bring it! Bring it! Bring it! Paw: *keeps fighting* Talented now, are you? Todd: *fighting* Come on! I barely know these guys! I just do music reviews! I don't even like these people! Cloak 1: Ahh! This slide was not made for the husky gentleman! Todd: I can't even tell who I'm fighting! That's not you Joe, is it? Snob: Ah, crap! *crashes* Joe: Ah, you are using Capafello's Defense on me, ah? Haha! Spoony: Go back to the darkness! Paw: Give into the darkness! Spoony: Rage will not avail you! Paw: Rage... More rage! Snob: Aw, shit. Snob: Prepare to meet Kali, in Hell! Snob: *nervously* Yeah. I think this is yours. *Hands the sword to Cloak 1* Todd: *fighting* Ha ha! Take that, you villainous Cloak! Film Brain: *panicking* It's not a Cloak! It's Film Brain! Oh God! Todd: I don't care! I can't see a thing! Cloak 3: My God, look at that! Cloak 1: It's hypnotizing us with its cheap novelty! Joe: 'Allo. My name is Inigo Montaya. You killed my lawyer. Cloak 3: Father. Joe: Whoever! Prepare to die! Snob: Marzgurl! Snob: Marzgurl... *notices the spear* Marzgurl. Marzgurl. Don't, Marzgurl! Marzgurl: *in Japanese* (subtitles: I can reach it!) Snob: Marzgurl. Give me your other hand, honey. I can't hold you! Marzgurl: *in Japanese* (subtitles: I can reach it! I can reach it!) Snob: Give me your other hand, h- Marzgurl! Snob: Yeah, this is kinda silly. Voice: 'Scuse me! Mother: My daughter would like to play on the playground, please. Spoony: But we're...fighting for the fate of mankind... Cloak 1: Er... Humanity... Spoony: ...Stuff. Mother: I don't care what your little D&D friends are doing. This is a public playground, and my little girl wants to play. Joe: *comes forward* Oh, come on! She's way too old to be in a playground! What, does she believe in Santa Claus too? *chuckles* Joe: Ow. Mother: *through gritted teeth* Get. Off. Now! Snob: Well, this is embarrassing. Spoony: We must make haste to another battlefield! One where parent's permission matters not! Paw: *sighs* It's not as good as the last one. Film Brain: The other one had sand castles! Cloak 1: *shrugs* It'll have to do. Cloak 1: Alright. Cloak Number 2, I think you were there. Cloak Number 3, a little further up if you don't mind. *They get into position* Alright, are we ready to get this fight back on the road? Cloak 3: Son of a bitch! Cloak 1: I guess we were a little too assuming. Cloak 3: Son of a bitch! JewWario: Boy, they really thought that we were Boy Scouts, didn't they? Marzgurl: *in Japanese* (subtitles: A little too assuming.) Spoony: Pray those cloak-ed devils no hither no more. Onward to adventure! Todd: Say, you didn't lose the map in the battle, did you? Spoony: Ha! What sort of half-baked wizard do you take me for? Todd: Do you really want me to answer that? Spoony: No!
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