| abstract
| - Arthur: Good morning. Today's show is all about stress. What IS stress? Stress is, er, when you feel a lot of pressure to...Buster! Buster: Sorry! I thought you needed cooling off. You look sweaty. Arthur: Um...anyway, stress is, er...a feeling you get like when you're facing a really big... Buster: Bear? Arthur: I was going to say test! You're not being very helpful. Buster: OK, but if I were you, I'd be more stressed about a bear than a test. [BEAR GRUNTS] Arthur: AHH! Whoo! That was close! Anyway...We all get stressed out sometimes, but there are different ways to deal with... AHH! D.W.! When did you learn how to fly a helicopter? D.W.: Is that what this is? I thought it was a ride! I want my quarter back! Arthur: Don't touch anything! [ALARM BEEPS] D.W.: Oopsie! Arthur: You think this is stressful? Wait till you see the show! Buster: Are we learning about sweat today? If we are, I came prepared. [HE SNIFFS] Nigel Ratburn: No, Buster. S.W.E.A.T. is an acronym for the Stoddard Wilkins Elementary Aptitude Test - a standardised test you'll all be taking. Arthur: What's it on?! Sue Ellen: Will we be graded?! Nigel Ratburn: Calm down. It's nothing to worry about, but the format may be unfamiliar, so I have some practice tests to help you prepare at home. Arthur: If Sarah has seven apples, and she gives Sadie five of them... Buster: Why is Sarah giving apples away? Arthur: It doesn't say...then Sarah gets another apple from Sam... Buster: Now, she's taking apples from Sam? I don't trust this Sarah. She's up to something. Arthur: It's just a math problem. Buster: That's probably what Sarah told Sadie. I bet those apples are rotten. Sue Ellen: I just took one of the multiple-choice vocabulary tests. It wasn't so bad. Arthur: Um...did you read the instructions? Sue Ellen: Yeah, I glanced at them. Why? Arthur: Because it says you're supposed to use a #2 pencil and not to make any extra marks on the test. See? Sue Ellen: I don't have any #2 pencils. Arthur: Take one of mine. Sue Ellen: Ack! It's so ordinary! I prefer the dusky soulfulness of a 4B. What happens if I use one of those? Binky: Then ye have to take it again! And that's if you're lucky! They might just fail you. Aye! I've seen brave third graders cry like pre-schoolers when faced with the S.W.E.A.T.. A fear comes o'er them that swallows 'em whole. Buster: Why are you talking like that? Binky: Don't ye know it's International Talk Like A Pirate Day? Arr! Practice all ye like, but when the real test is before ya, then you'll feel the jaws o' fear tightening all around ya! Ha-ha-ha! [COUGHS] [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES] Arthur: OK, students. You may open your test booklets now. [MOTOR REVVING] Arthur: Dad! Would you do that later? I'm trying to take a test! Now, you may open your... Mary Moo Cow: # Three, three, three is fun # It's more than one or two... # Arthur: D.W.! You have to turn that off. I'm trying to study. D.W.: But it's my TV time. Mom! Arthur's not respecting my rights! Arthur: Fine. Mary Moo Cow: # ..This song won't leave your head # Five, five, five is sweet... # Arthur: Mom! DW's making too much noise and I'm... [LIQUIDISER MOTOR WHIZZES] [ARTHUR SIGHS] Arthur: OK. You may now... [DRIPPING] [ALARM BUZZES] Sue Ellen: Well, this is it. SWEAT day. [DOTS BARKS] Sue Ellen: Sorry, Dots. You can't come with me. [DOTS WHIMPERS] Sue Ellen: "Why not?" Because you're not a #2 pencil. Now, where did I put that one Arthur gave me? [GASPS] I can't find it! Arthur! I lost the #2 pencil you gave me. Do you have another? Arthur: No. But I just passed a few back there. Watch out for the erasers! #2 Pencils: [CHANTING]: Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two... Sue Ellen: AHH! #2 Pencils: Two, two, two, two, two, two... Buster: OK. Sarah gives Sadie five apples. Thank you, Sarah. I don't know why you're giving me these apples, but I don't care, cos I'm a pig! Then Sam flies in with another apple. Brrrr! Activating apple defence system! Take that, you rotten fruitmonger! Arthur: Will you stop playing with those silly dolls?! Sam isn't a doll. He's an action figure. Ah, you've hurt his feelings. Sue Ellen: Oh, great. You guys are here. Take these. I'm giving everyone I know #2 pencils. That way you can give me one if I forget to bring mine. Brain: Hey, guys. What's going on? Sue Ellen: Pencils! Take pencils! Arthur: Why won't you all just be quiet? It's like you WANT me to fail! Brain: Fail what? Buster: The S.W.E.A.T. test, of course. Aren't you nervous about it? Brain: Why should I be? It's just reviewing stuff we already know. Arthur: But what if we forget what we already know? Sue Ellen: Yeah! Binky said the fear could swallow us whole! Brain: You're getting yourselves worked up over nothing. Just relax. Buster: Easy for you to say. Arthur: Yeah, you never get anxious about tests. Brain: That's not true. There's one test that makes me VERY anxious. A blood test! Ha-ha! Get it? Sue Ellen: Brain! This isn't a laughing matter! Here, don't you dare forget it! Mrs. MacGrady: Orange, Buster? Buster: Is this a word problem? The answer is D - all of the above! Arthur: George, would you knock it off? You're eating those mashed potatoes so noisily! Can't you see I'm trying to study?! Mrs. MacGrady: Nigel, I think this S.W.E.A.T. test has given some of your students a nasty case of the jitters. Might I suggest something? Mrs. MacGrady: Who here gets butterflies in the belly, right before a big game? For me, it's when I play the keyboard in front of an audience. Anybody else get the willies before performing? Binky: Aye! Once me palms were so sweaty, I dropped me clarinet on me big toe! I've got the scar to prove it! Nigel Ratburn: Binky, International Talk Like A Pirate Day is over! Binky: OK. Mrs. MacGrady: The point is, we all feel stress sometimes. Here's one way I like to deal with it. Everyone lie on your backs. You too, Alan. Brain: All right, but I think this is all rather unnecessary. Mrs. MacGrady: Follow your breath in and out. Be aware of your toes. Are they tense at all? Wiggle them a little. Now, move up to your ankles and your calves. Feel all that tension in your head just melt away. You can open your eyes now. Sue Ellen: Wow. I feel great! Arthur: Me too! Buster: Wait! I still have some tension in my ear. Ah! Now, it's gone. Mrs. MacGrady: Whenever those heebie-jeebies... [SNORING] Mrs. MacGrady: ..start playing patty-whack with your nerves, you just... Brain: [SNORES] Huh? What'd I miss? Arthur: Just the whole relaxation class. Brain: Oh, well, I napped instead. Same thing, right? Brain: 17...18...19...20. Still got half an hour before school. Just enough time for another practice test. Huh. Well, that was a cinch. And now, I'll just check the answers in the back. 1 is A. Check. 2 is C. Check. 3 is also C... Wait! That can't be right! OK, one wrong. That's not so bad. 4 is...D? And 5 is...B?! How is THAT possible?! [HE GASPS] I skipped a question! Ugh! Why won't you erase? Option D: B always puts up a fight. Give it some muscle! Option B: Ooh, yeah! Right there! That's where it itches. [PAPER TEARS] Wilkins: It worked, Stoddard! He fell right into our trap! Stoddard: By Jove, we've failed another one! High five, Wills! [ALARM RINGS] [HE GASPS] Arthur: Brain, are you OK? Brain: Me? Sure I'm OK. Why wouldn't I be OK? Just because I skipped a practice question doesn't mean I'll skip one now. Right? Oh, no! Where's my pencil? I don't have a pencil! Sue Ellen: Here, I brought extras. Buster: Mr Ratburn, could we just wait a minute or two? Brain, look at me. Take a deep breath. Brain: Ah...huh. Buster: Feel your toes. Say, "Relax, little toes." Brain: OK. Relaxing phalanges. Buster: Feel all that stress leaving your body. Now, the stress is walking out of the classroom and out of the school. Maybe it'll stop by the Sugar Bowl. Nigel Ratburn: Ahem. Buster: OK, you can open your eyes now. Sue Ellen: Better? Brain: Thanks, guys. I couldn't have asked for better relaxation tutors. Nigel Ratburn: OK, students. You may start your test now.
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)