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| - The Roman gods were "created" when the communist monkeys were given typewriters and an infinite amount of time Saturn started hurling thunder bolts (a favorite immortal being pastime) and hit his wife's favorite rose bush. His wife, Ops, got very mad. Through Saturn's "lady skillz" he was able to calm her nerves. Now Ops was not very mad, but she was instead very pregnant. When the test turned blue, Jupiter became anxious; a baby meant less sex and more diapers. So, when young Ceres came rolling along, he did the logical thing and swallowed her whole. Luckily, the baby had her special acid-repelling wetsuit and oxygen tank on at birth. The process repeated in a grueling pattern 3-14 times: anger, sex, birth, and lunch. Just imagine - immortal baby flambé, immortal baby shish kabob, immorta
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| abstract
| - The Roman gods were "created" when the communist monkeys were given typewriters and an infinite amount of time Saturn started hurling thunder bolts (a favorite immortal being pastime) and hit his wife's favorite rose bush. His wife, Ops, got very mad. Through Saturn's "lady skillz" he was able to calm her nerves. Now Ops was not very mad, but she was instead very pregnant. When the test turned blue, Jupiter became anxious; a baby meant less sex and more diapers. So, when young Ceres came rolling along, he did the logical thing and swallowed her whole. Luckily, the baby had her special acid-repelling wetsuit and oxygen tank on at birth. The process repeated in a grueling pattern 3-14 times: anger, sex, birth, and lunch. Just imagine - immortal baby flambé, immortal baby shish kabob, immortal baby a la mode... the possibilities were endless. One day Ops finally wizened up and fed her husband a rock instead of baby Jupiter. Which, oddly, tasted the same, except with less calories. Jupiter grew up in the mountains, raised by a goat, until he was big and strong from his diet of dandelion greens and spinach. Then he ventured back down to his father with a flask of spinach juice at his hip, seeking revenge. Jupiter requested a luncheon with the king of the heavens and, while he wasn't looking, slipped some of the juice into his glass. At the time it was well-known that Saturn was intolerant to jalapeños, donkeys, and everything green and leafy. When he drank out of his glass he experienced nausea, dizziness, loss of sight, compulsive gambling, sudden dependence on kitten huffing, and the fiery pits of Hades. He regurgitated his fully-grown and clothed children, who then proceeded to beat him into a pulp.
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