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| - [[Category:Season transcripts]] Discord: Tea? Fluttershy: [gasps] Discord: Trendy coats? Bedrolls? Saddlebags? Oh! A surprise vacation just for the two of us? How thoughtful. I hear Puerto Caballo is lovely this time of year. Sand like powdered sugar. [blows] [sprinkling] Fluttershy: Um, Princess Celestia's taking us on an overnight goodwill tour of Yakyakistan. I just found out. Discord: [gasps] So what you're saying is no tea? Ugh. Well. [clears throat] That's fine. I wasn't thirsty anyway. Fluttershy: If you're looking for something to do, you could spend the evening with Spike and Big Mac. Discord: [laughs] [beat] Discord: You aren't kidding. Fluttershy: They're very nice. They have a "top secret" thing they do whenever we leave Ponyville. Although everypony knows about it, so it's not a very good secret. I think you'd have fun with them. Discord: Fun? With sidekicks? Oh, you must think that we're in a dimension where everything is opposite. [snap] "Da-dee-la! I'm Opposite Discord, and I want to hang out with Spike and Big Mac! I'm sure I'd have fun!" Opposite Fluttershy: Well, guess what, Sassafras?! I'm Opposite Fluttershy, and I'm sick of being nice and quiet all the time! Discord: [snap] Let me explain it to you as simply as I can. Me? Amazing! Them? Well, I've already forgotten who we're talking about. You see? Fluttershy: All I'm saying is it's an opportunity to expand your circle of friends. [coddling] Unless you're afraid they won't like you? Discord: Oh, please. Don't stoop to tedious reverse psychology. You're better than that. Fluttershy: It never hurts to make new friends. Discord: [scoffs] Consider it considered. [magic poof] Fluttershy: [humming] [gasps] Discord: Couldn't I just come with you instead? [theme song] Discord: I suppose this is goodbye then. Have an absolutely fabulous voyage. [snap] [magic zap] Fluttershy: Discord... Discord: [gasps] Well, it's not my fault the new train route leads into an active volcano. Guess you'll have to stay. [beat] Discord: Oh, you're no fun. [snap] [magic zap] Applejack: I got my bedroll, parka, unattractive but functional hikin' boots... Uh, anything I forgot, Pinkie Pie? You're our resident Yakyakistan expert. Pinkie Pie: Nope! I brought yeti food! [beat] Pinkie Pie: Did I forget to mention there's a pony-eating yeti on Frost Field Glacier? We're gonna have so much fun! Rainbow Dash: Heh. If he messes with us, I'll turn that yeti into confetti! [train whistle blows] [train chugging] Applejack: Heh. Somepony's in an awful quick hurry to get us out of here. Don't y'all have too much fun without us. Twilight Sparkle: I bet you boys have big plans. Right, Spike? Spike: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. Although if I did, I certainly wouldn't be allowed to discuss it with you girls. Twilight Sparkle: Buh-bye! [train whistle blows] Applejack: Bye, y'all! [train chugging] [train whistle] [long beat] Big McIntosh: [unintelligible whispering] Spike: [whispering] Uh, I dunno what to say. I mean, I hope he comes but I kinda don't want him to think of it... Big McIntosh: [hushed] Yup. [magic zap] Discord: Fascinating article, yes? [nervous laugh] [hushed, to himself] Don't let them come over, please don't let them come over, please don't let them come over, please, please, please— [normal] Oh, salutations, my friend! Wish I could stay and chat, but I don't want to. Spike: Wait! Um, we were wondering... What are you up to tonight? Discord: [to himself] Oh, here we go... Spike: Do you wanna, I don't know, hang out? Is that, like, something you do? Discord: Oh, Twilight's friend and Applejack's monosyllabic brother, if only I weren't super busy this evening. Spike: [to Big McIntosh] I guess guys' night will just be you and me. Discord: A guys' night? You mean a rowdy evening of reckless revelry? Zoot suits, fedoras, swing dancing? Spike: Eh, something like that. [nervous] You should totally come. Three of us would be way better than two... Discord: That does sound fun, actually... Spike: Too bad you're busy. [magic zap] Discord: Well, I suppose I could squeeze you in if I move a few very important ponies around. [click] Discord: [gravelly accent] June, honey, be a dear. Reschedule Luna and Cay-Cay. [normal, aside] That's what I call Princess Celestia, what a hoot! [gravelly accent] In fact, clear the whole evening. Tonight is guys' night. These fellas invited me to spice things up and bring a little class to the whole affair. [magic zap] [rumble] Discord: [normal voice] Tonight will be the best night of your lives, and not just because you get to bask in my greatness. Spike: I do like basking in things. See you tonight. [hushed] Twilight's castle. The fun starts promptly at sundown. Discord: Technically, the fun starts when I arrive, but I'll make sure it's around sunset. Adieu, fellas. [magic zap] Spike: And... we have sundown. Repeat, we have sundown. I declare tonight's guys' night ceremonies officially open! Big McIntosh: Eeyup! Spike: It's guys' night. Big McIntosh: Yup. Spike: Oh, yeah. Big McIntosh: Yup. Spike: Havin' fun now. Big McIntosh: Yup. Spike: Oh, yeah! Big McIntosh: Oh, yeah! [fanfare] Spike: What the hay? [cartoon skedaddling] Mini-Discord: [high-pitched] Announcing the much anticipated arrival of the spirit of chaos and disharmony, the purveyor of pandemonium, lord of lawlessness, earl of turmoil, bringer of bedlam... [imitating fanfare] Discord! [electronic music playing] [confetti exploding] [magic zap] Discord: So, shall we hop to it? I made a list of the rowdiest establishments in Ponyville. It's rather short. Spike: Actually, we're staying here. I hope you like awesome games! Discord: Games? I love games. I'm great at games. [magic zap] Discord: Famous pony charades? Oh, this is an easy one. Who am I? Huh? Huh? [beat] Discord: Oh, come on! Spike: Uh... I'm talkin' about a real game. Discord: Oh, you mean like trapping best friend ponies in hedge mazes and turning them against each other. Those were the days. [Celestia's mane yowls] [magic zap] Spike: Not exactly. Wait here. [beat] Discord: Whatever it is, it can only get better by adding me to the mix. Spike: [off-screen] Okay! [click] Spike: In a world where evil reigns supreme, a small band of warriors stands tall against the darkness. This is... Ogres & Oubliettes! Discord: [gasps] Discord: Oh, this looks like... Spike: The best game ever? You're right! Discord: Yes... Spike: Ogres & Oubliettes is a fantasy role-playing adventure game. Our goal, defeat the evil Squid Wizard, or... [stifling laughter] as we call him... the Squizard! Big McIntosh: [stifled laughter] [beat] Spike: [chuckling] [clears throat] The Squizard has laid siege to the last free city in Spiketopia. That's the name of the land. He's kidnapped a beautiful unicorn princess named Shmarity. [beat] Uh, which is like a normal name in Spiketopia, so, you know, don't think about it too much. Discord: Fear not. Your romantic delusions are safe with me. [zip!] Spike: First things first – you've gotta create a character! Name? Discord: How about... Discord? Spike: [sighs] The whole point of the game is you get to use your imagination to be someone you're not. I'm Garbunkle, a famous magician. Everyone treats me with the utmost respect. Discord: Just like in real life? [crack] Spike: And don't get jealous, but I'm a level 30 Enchanter with major skill points assigned to Intellect and Perception. [hairdryer running] Discord: [not listening] Go on, I'm listening. Spike: Big Mac's character is Sir McBiggun, a level 27 Black Knight Unicorn from Castle Chadwick! Discord: [still not listening] I'm listening. Spike: When his king aligned himself with the Squizard, Sir McBiggun would not besmirch his honor. Big McIntosh: Nnope! Discord: [clears throat] [mumbling] I'm listening. Spike: And so it came to pass, the magician and black knight vowed to rid Spiketopia of the evil Squizard. [balloon deflating] Spike: So, your character's name? Discord: I already have the best name in the universe. Why would I change it for something like "Captain Wuzz"? Spike: Captain Wuzz it is! Discord: [groans] Spike: What class are you, Captain Wuzz? There's Archers, Mages, Rogues... Discord: [snorts] Can I suggest we take a break and, I don't know, go out and have some fun? Ponyville's not going to paint itself red. Spike: You'll love it once we get started! [rolls die] How 'bout an Archer? Discord: Sounds just as miserable as the other options. So fine. [tok] Spike: Sir McBiggun, are you prepared to enter the world of Ogres & Oubliettes? Big McIntosh: Eeyup. Spike: Discord, or should I say, Captain Wuzz, are you— Discord: Oh, get on with it. Spike: [rolls dice] We find ourselves trapped in the dungeon of the evil Squizard. The bars are locked tight. [beat] Spike: The bars exist in our imagination. Discord: Really? You describe things, and then we pretend it's real? Spike: It is real. In our imagination. It's your turn first. What do you wanna do? Discord: Curse myself for attending this infernal evening? Ohhh, no, you mean in the game. Spike: Well, you can do whatever you want. Then, I roll this twenty-sided die and see if you're successful. [clang] Discord: I stick my head through the bars and demand for the immediate release of the Lord of Chaos. Spike: That's a big risk. You have to roll a seventeen or higher to succeed. [rolls die] Ooh, bad idea. The guard gets mad. Discord: This spell here. I transform him into a parsnip. Spike: You need eleven Intelligent points to cast a Transform Into Root Vegetable spell. Discord: I'm not intelligent? I cast it anyway because this game is stupid. [thud] Spike: [rolls die] The spell backfires. So [stifling laughter] your claws grow leaves and transform into parsnips! Big McIntosh: [chuckling] Parsnips. [laughs] Discord: [growls] Spike: The guard laughs. He calls his friends over, and they laugh too. Spike and Big McIntosh: [laughing] Discord: Don't you laugh at me, Big Mac! Does it really say that? Let me see. Big McIntosh: [laughing] Spike: [rolls die] [laughs] As you get angrier, everypony laughs harder! Discord: I seal Sir McBiggun in a magic bubble until he stops laughing! Spike: I told you, you can't do magic! Spike and Big McIntosh: [laughing] [magic zap] Big McIntosh: Whoaa! Nope! Nope! Nope! Discord: "Not intelligent enough." Please. Spike: Cut it out, Discord! Discord: Oh, this game is insufferable! Let me show you a real guys' night! [snap] [upbeat jazz] Discord: [laughing] This is the life! Jazz, dancing, the best table magic can buy! This is what guys' night is all about. Am I right, fellas? Big McIntosh: Eeyup! Spike: I know you probably didn't do this on purpose, but this table's the perfect size and shape! Discord: I don't think so. Let's have a drink. Chocolate milkshakes? Spike: [sighs] No, we want to go back to Ogres &— Discord: Oh, how 'bout a different game? [magic zap] Those are very bad cards. Spike: Stop messing with us! We wanna— [magic zap] Discord: A dance contest? [upbeat jazz BGM] Discord: Surprise! We won! Spike: Discord! Discord: [sinister] Yes? Spike: Look, we don't wanna do these things. We wanna play our game. If you don't want to play with us, you can, I don't know, sit and watch. Discord: Sit and watch? Fine. We'll play your game. [reverberating] Are you ready to enter the world of Ogres & Oubliettes? [magic zap] Spike: Sir McBiggun?! Big McIntosh: Eeyup! Spike: And I'm... Garbunkle? That means... Sweetness! We're in the game! Check it out! Ka-zam! [magic zaps] [shings] Spike: It's guys' night! Big McIntosh: Eeyup! Spike: Oh, yeah! Big McIntosh: Yup! Spike: In the game now! Big McIntosh: Yup! Spike: Oh, yeah! Big McIntosh: Oh, yeah! Spike: Discord, where are you? This is great! You made the game real! Discord: [reverberating] [laughs] Aren't games fun? Spike: Should we be worried he's using his scary voice? [army marching] Squizard: Behold! I am the Squizard! Spike and Big McIntosh: [gasps] Discord: [reverberating] [chuckles] You're welcome. Squizard: Attack! [army shouting] Spike: Run! Spike and Big McIntosh: [panting] [arrows being fired] Discord: [reverberating] You find yourself on the battlefield. A barrage of arrows rains down on you. If you roll a fifteen or higher, the shield protects you. Fourteen or lower and, well... [laughs] You get the idea. [thud] [magic zap] Discord: Seventeen! Lucky you! Big McIntosh: [grunts] Discord: Boo. Spike and Big McIntosh: [panting] Discord: Boo. Spike and Big McIntosh: [screaming] Spike: Discord! [magic zap] Discord: Sir McBiggun, I'd cover the entrance if I were you. [shing!] Spike: This isn't funny! Discord: Isn't this what every gamer wants? To live the game? Like this?! [magic zaps] [thud] Spike: Ugh! [army shouting] [thud] Spike: [groans] This kinda hurts! Like, real pain! [magic zap] Discord: Oh, how kind of you to notice. It's the little details that really bring alternate dimensions to life, wouldn't you say? Spike: Discord, this is awful! [magic zap] Squizard: Of course it is! Spiketopia will be mine! And Rarity shall be my bride! [beat] Squizard: I mean, Shmarity. [magic zap] Spike and Big McIntosh: [gibbering] [thud] Spike: Why are you doing this? You're the worst! Discord: If I'm the worst, then why did you invite me? Spike: Because we felt bad for you! Discord: Because you... what?! [snap] [magic zap] Spike: [panting] We're okay, we're okay! No thanks to you, Discord! Discord: You felt sorry for me? Spike: Who wouldn't? Fluttershy told us you practically begged her to stay! And then at the train station, you were just standing there, all alone! Discord: This can't be. I'm supposed to feel sorry for you because I'm me and you're you. Spike: [sighs] We only invited you to be nice! I mean, you're kind of a... weirdo! Big McIntosh: Eeyup. Discord: I ruined your night, and you don't even think I'm cool? Ugh. [zap] [muffled] How embarrassing. I should go. [normal] I have a lot of other friends I need to see tonight. Spike: Good! Discord: Yes, so many other friends. [whimpers] Farewell, Garbunkle the magician and brave Sir McBiggun. May providence smile upon thee in thy quest to rid Spiketopia of the dreaded Squizard... [sighs] When I say it that way, the game doesn't sound half bad. [magic zap] Discord: Oh, well. [magic zap] Spike: [sighs] It... it's better this way, right? Big McIntosh: Eeyup. Spike: Because... now he can't bother us, 'cause he's off somewhere by himself... all alone... with no friends. Big McIntosh: Yup. Spike: [sighs] [clears throat] [unenthusiastic] We find ourselves in the dungeon of the evil Squizard. The bars are locked, and... Ah, who am I kidding? We should give him another chance. [clears throat] Captain Wuzz? Can you hear me? [magic zap] Discord: Oh! You realized how amazing I am and that I make you cooler just by being around me? [beat] Discord: Uh... [stammering] No, no, actually, that's not what I meant to say... I'm... sssssss... Spike: What? Discord: I'm ssssssss— Spike: Can't hear you. Big McIntosh: Nope. Discord: I'm trying to say I'm sorry, all right?! I'm sorry for ruining your game, and I'm sorry that I thought I was better than you! [pants] [quickly] Now let's play before this evening gets any sappier, shall we? [magic zap] Big McIntosh: [unintelligible whispering] Spike: Huh? Yeah, yeah! Okay! What if we forgot the board and the pieces for a minute? I mean, the whole game coming to life was completely terrifying, but also kind of the best thing ever! So, uh, Big Mac and I were wondering... What if you toned it down just a teensy bit? [main cast chattering] [doors open] Mane Six: Huh? [army shouting] Spike: I've got your back, Captain Wuzz! [magic zap] Big McIntosh: Wha-hah! Discord: [grunts] Spike, Big McIntosh and Discord: [panting] Squizard: [evil laughter] Discord: [accented] Garbunkle! Follow my lead! [magic zap] Squizard: [squeaks] [crunch] Spike: Bull's-eye! Discord: Nice one! Spike and Discord: It's guys' night! Big McIntosh: Eeyup! Spike and Discord: Oh, yeah! Big McIntosh: Eeyup! Spike and Discord: Having fun now! Big McIntosh: Eeyup! Spike and Discord: Oh, yeah! Big McIntosh: Oh, yeah! Twilight Sparkle: We should just close the door and let them finish... whatever this... is. Rainbow Dash: No way! Did you see Big Mac's sword? I totally want in! Pinkie Pie: Yeah! I don't know what it is, but it looks like super duper fun! Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash: Guys' night! [credits]
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