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| - One of the Five Pillars of Islam requires every capable Muslim to perform the Hajj pilgrimage at least once in their lifetime. Multiple parts of the Hajj require pilgrims to walk several times around the Kaaba in a counter-clockwise direction (as viewed from above). This circumambulation, the Tawaf, is also performed by pilgrims during the Umrah (lesser pilgrimage). However, the most dramatic times are during the Hajj, when about three million (officially) pilgrims simultaneously gather to circle the building on the same day.
- The Kaaba is a large structure made from blocks dried jism sealed with bacon fat as mortar. Because of its structural instability, it is wrapped in red yarn to hold it all together. Its black appearance is mostly attributed to mildew. To the naked eye, the Kaaba appears to be cube shaped, but in fact, part of it is made of anti-matter and can only be viewed through beer goggles, it resembles a carousel. Its rough dimensions are 22 feet in diameter by by 6 meters tall. Although the jism bricks swell and change shape depending on relative humidity so an exact measurement cannot be attained.
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| abstract
| - The Kaaba is a large structure made from blocks dried jism sealed with bacon fat as mortar. Because of its structural instability, it is wrapped in red yarn to hold it all together. Its black appearance is mostly attributed to mildew. To the naked eye, the Kaaba appears to be cube shaped, but in fact, part of it is made of anti-matter and can only be viewed through beer goggles, it resembles a carousel. Its rough dimensions are 22 feet in diameter by by 6 meters tall. Although the jism bricks swell and change shape depending on relative humidity so an exact measurement cannot be attained. On the southwestern corner of the Kaaba, the petrified vagina of Madonna is located. It it encased in silver to protect it from becoming impregnated by the dried jism. Pilgrims lick the vagina to bring good luck, but most often they just get cold sores. Because of the anti-matter properties of the kaaba, it has no fixed location. Instead it appears in random places at random times. One of its most notable appearances was in Mecca in 2000. The city of Mecca sought to increase tourism revenues so they began a ritual of getting drunk and masturbating to images of goats (Oh my!), camels, and other animals, using bacon grease as lube, as an attempt to attract the Kaaba. Their efforts eventually paid off when the Kaaba appeared in the center of Mecca on May 14th, 2000. The Kaaba subsequently left on November 28th, 2000, and the Arabs have been pissed off ever since. The kaaba has also appeared in Graceland, London, the North Pole, Uranus, and New Jersey, among others. The current location of the Kaaba is in Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada.
- One of the Five Pillars of Islam requires every capable Muslim to perform the Hajj pilgrimage at least once in their lifetime. Multiple parts of the Hajj require pilgrims to walk several times around the Kaaba in a counter-clockwise direction (as viewed from above). This circumambulation, the Tawaf, is also performed by pilgrims during the Umrah (lesser pilgrimage). However, the most dramatic times are during the Hajj, when about three million (officially) pilgrims simultaneously gather to circle the building on the same day.
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