| abstract
| - Rome, Italy Onetime capital of the Roman Empire, Rome still has vestiges of its former glory in such structures as the ruins of the Colosseum and the present-day Vatican. The weather here is typically beautiful, making it a lovely place to stay for a week or so on vacation. Runabout rumbles through Rome. Actually keeping to the law this time, although on occasion he unexpectedly swerves onto the other side of the road before remembering. He twitches. he HATED doing this. But... ahah! There it was. The Lamborghini Factory. He slows as he rolls past it - they had repaired the damage from his last visitation, and he scanned the lots of parked, brand new shiny Lambos for a certain color. "hrm... hrm... The good thing about having taken up lodgings across the pond is that those lucky devils that are designed after those oh so sexy vehicles that weren't produced in the states got a chance to check out some of the newer models.. see what they could have become if the ark had activated them just a few years later, like say.. 2009? Today however, Sideswipe was the one subject to scrutiny rather then beeing the oogler, asked to make a appearence for the sake of a retro model. And so in a open part of the lot sat a gorgeous, sinfuly red Lamborghini. Suits ringed it, snapping pictures and taking notes. Sideswipe was having a bit of a disagreement with the fellow that kept wanting to prod around in his trunk. Runabout slows further as he notices this. Hrm. A press conference. This may make things... tricker. On the other hand, it could mean it would be easier since everyone was paying attention over THERE. He accelerates, leaving dust behind him as his black form circles on the other side of the chain link fence, heading towards a different unit. Then he slows, and stops, just at the top of a hill, focusing on that red one again. He seemed... familiar. Onslaught has been assigned to reconnoitor a number of the larger and more active human settlements as part of the ongoing Decepticon war...it also gives him a chance to file more battle plans with the Deception mainframe. Curiously enough the city is Rome and Onslaught, from his position on another one of the city's seven hills, picks up Runabout's signal some distance away from him. Onslaught hurridly saves his progress on how to take Cybertron back from a race of overly aggressive acquatic mammals before bringing up his communication software and sending a burst transmission toward Runabout. It runs as follows: "Runabout, report your standing orders!" Countach LP500S 's trunk slams shut once more, driving a man into a fit of gibbering, foreign insults. Sideswipe doesn't pay it any mind. The gleam of light upon metal catches his attention, sensors sweeping over in Runabout's direction. "Lambor-sense.. tingling.." he muttered to himself, his diodes giving him a little tickle as they always did when trouble was afoot. Runabout grumbles a little and accelerates again, responding to Onslaught once he was a bit away ""I'm BUSY. I gots no orders right now. This is a PRIVATE mission fer Battlechargers!" he replies annoyedly, circling around. Ahah. The largest lot - and there it was. the Lambo he was after "Dis is serious business!" Onslaught devotes approximately 62.3% of his emotional duplication subroutine into throwing doubt into the reply he sends back to Runabout. Along the way in intersects with a cab driver who doubts that the wall really exists and simply drives on into it. The transmission, on the other hand, still moves on and once it reaches Runabout, sounds like this: "There is no private personnel business conducted in the Decepticon forces, Runabout. I now -order- you to state what you are doing here." Countach LP500S 's stick shift jerked and snapped into gear, his engine purring to full and vibrant life. "Okay boys, peep show's over." spoke the Lambor, forcefuly ejecting a pair of techs befor his doors slammed shut. Like a shot he was off, white smoke tossed up from his tires as they tore at the cement seeking traction only then to find it and fling Momma Lambor's favored son into the chase. Onslaught mentally nods as he recieves Runabout's transmission before he responds back in a tone that is merely his usual officious self. "Very well, Runabout, but do not cause too much distractions to the human population. I will have Vorex assist you...he has been scouting nearby. Vortex, this is Onlsaught, report in. Vortex, do you read me? Vortex!" Meanwhile, in a nearby gulley, Vortex is reading a digital issue of Aviation Enthusathists.* Vortex: Mmm...those are some fine rotors..." Meanwhile, Onslaught sighs heavily and opens a channel to Runabout again. "Very well, -I- will observe you. Be discreet." Countach LP500S is ignored, "Huh? Jerk.." he mutters to himself, audials ringing with voices. He takes up a perralel course with the black troublemobile, a moment taken to try and figure out what he's up to.. And then he sees it.. Pink. "Woah Momma.." he utters to himself, almost stalling as he catches sight of 'her'. "Wait.. isn't this the guy that gets his jollies off in the junk yards?!" he exclaimed to himself in a fit of comic book explination. His peddle hit the floor board, rocketing him forward, over taking the charging battler, intruding on his path befor he whipped around, tires shrieking as he placed himself as a barrier between Runabout and Pinkstreaker.. "... What's discreet? " Asks Runabout through a transmission, genuinely oblivious to that as he transforms, walking up to the chain link fence and simply TEARING it open. He then walks along, moving between the Lamborghinis towards the pink one. And then there's a red one between them suddenly. He blinks, waving the dust out of his eyes "... What the..." he crouches, using his jetboots to leap over Sideswipe towards the pink one. "OUTTA MY WAY!" Onslaught sighs again as he hears the sound of tearing metal flow backward to him over the audio channel. "The opposite of that, Runabout...and fighting Autobots is not discreet either!" Onslaught brings up an infrared map of the area and sees the humans scattering either to or away from Runabout's position. "Runabout, your presence is disrupting my projections! Withdraw!" Countach LP500S is hopped over, given the mario treatment of a being ignored. It's a mistake, never turn your back on a Lambor. The sound of a ratcheting transformation cog sounds behind 'about. "Hey, pal. settle a arguement for me-" a voice asks as Sideswipe attempts to catch the Battlecharger's head in the crook of his arm, "Who would you rather get trashed by, a brand spanking new 'bot. Or one that's been denting your can in for a few hundred years?" With the grinding of a transformation cog, the red lambourghini rears up onto it's back end, extending and shifting into the form of Sideswipe! Sideswipe succeeds in grasping Runabout, throwing it off-balance. "What? But I need to get a christmas Present for ma Gir-GACK!" The transmission is suddenly cut off as Sideswipe gets the Battlecharger in a headlock "HEY! LEGGO OF ME!" he bellows angrily, flailing wildly, all limbs in all directions. Runabout rises up from the form of his vehicle mode into his black and red self. Runabout strikes Sideswipe with FLAIL. It would be difficult to say which is more surprising for Onslaught...Runabout's outburst or the fact that he has a girlfriend. Shedding his surprise quickly he speaks again to Runabout from his observation point. "Runabout, lure the Autobot to the open out of the human expanded domicile! I can provide covering fire!" Sideswipe struggles against the flailing decepticon, eventualy getting a sharp slap across the faceplate that coaxs him into letting go. "Why you rotten little-" growls Sideswipe, rubbing at a mussed scuff of swapped paint, silver traded for black. He reels back a arm, hand held high and open, it comes down quick. Sideswipe strikes Runabout with Dope Slap. "Ah'll Try-AI!" Runabout yelps again into his radio as he's head slapped like a redheaded stepchild. He then growls himself and whirls "Can't now! He's between me an' the fence! But he's not THAT far in!" he notes, and balls up his fists, jumping forwards and back, then leaping in to punch at Sideswipe "Too bad Ah'm on girlfriend bissness. I'd love t'see what you look like ON FIRE!" Sideswipe is struck, dazed, his very hold on reality shaken.. Not by the punch, that just snaps his head back, the spring mounted thing rocking right back with a smile. "You have a girlfriend?!" he shouts back, getting his dukes up, fists hefted like boxing gloves. "Deceptibabes must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel.." he muttered, coming in, bobbing left and right befor punch-punch-punch-punch-punching him in a flurry of fists. Sideswipe strikes Runabout with Smash. Onslaught transforms from his battlestation mode into his missile truck mode before he activates his engine and begins to roll down the hill gradually building up speed. "Our invovlement in this area must not be suspected any further, Runabout! I will seek out Vortex and return with all speed...I know him to be in the area!" "Course I do! I'm getting her a CAR!" Runabout bellows, then leaps back, stumbling under the sudden flurry of punches. "She wanted a pink one! I'm gonna take this one, put a bow and paper on it and give it to her! And you aint gonna stop me!" He then transmits to Onslaught "No problem!" Then back to Sideswipe "You dont WNAT the humans hurt, do ya? Lemme take the car and Ah wont do any more damage!" Onslaught begins retreating, leaving himself vulnerable to parting shots from Sideswipe, Runabout. "You're joking right?" cracked Sideswipe with a smile nearly splitting his face from ear to ear. "Don't care who your girl is, I'm not letting you take Pinkstreaker here." he stated, putting the proverbial foot down, circling Runabout, ready to come in and deal another beating, "As for damage.. well, you'll be lucky if I let you roll away from this one intact. Not sure if you know about me, name's Sideswipe, kind of a big deal." "Side-what? " Runabout tilts his head "It rings a bell, I think." he shrugs, grinning wickedly under his faceplate at that as his gun appears, aiming at Sideswipe, then the building nearby, then Sideswipe again. "So many pretty cars, so many worth settin' on fire! You really think them humans' lives're worth the risk?" "Swipe." answers the Red Devil, halting his circling for a moment, features souring once the charger pulls a gun, "Which one are you anyway? Think I pounded one of you guys into the pavement for picking on a friend of mine.. but you know how it is, you all look the same to me." he chatters, needling the mech, "Who's your girl anyway?" Grumbling a little, Runabout dances from foot to foot. Fidgety. WANTING to shoot. But showing remarkable restraint "WHY DO YOU WANNA KNOW! She'd NEVER DATE A LAMBO!" he bellows at Sideswipe. The Crimson Catastraphy's optics sparkled, "You so sure?" he asked, his smile taking on a wicked aspect as he stood aside, a handgeasture motioning towards the car, "Look at what you're trying to steal.." he noted, looking over to the pink masterpiece. "Pink's just a few shades off of /red/ you know.. Maybe your sweety's got a sweet tooth for some 'ghini." Runabout grumblegrumbles "She likes PINK. Pink is not red! Pink is SISSY RED!" he shouts back. He only has two volumes: Off and LOUD. His gun wavers again though between Swipes and the building nearby Runabout says, "HEY COLLATERAL!" Collateral says, "Yo." Runabout says, "Would you date a Lamb??" "It is, isn't it?" he replied, standing fully befor Runabout, grinning like a fool. "If you won't tell me, I bet I can guess.." he continued, "If she likes you.. she can't be all there. Am I right? Another ground pounder.. a little slow.." he muses aloud, fingers rubbing along his jaw as he pouzzle pieces the situation, finaly coming upon a answer, fingers snapping befor one is pointed towards Runabout. "It's thast tank girl!" he guesses enthuiasticly, "The biggun, Collactions, Caligraphy..Colliehaxus?" Collateral says, "...I dunno. They're kind of, uh. Small. Kinda cute, though...but I bet that wool would get /everywhere/." Collateral says, "...oh Primus it would be AWESOME to light on fire." Runabout says, "That's what I thought!" Collateral says, "I totally need to find one now. Better yet. Who knows where to find them and would get me one?~" Runabout grumbles "I'll show you!" He taps at his comm "HEY COLLATERAL! Would you date a lamb? " he tilts his head at the response: "... I dunno. They're kind of uh, small. Kinda cute though. But I bet that wool would get EVERYWHERE. Oh Primus, It would be AWESOME to light on fire!" Smugly, Runabout looks back to Sideswipe "TOLDYA!" Runabout says, "I'll get you a lamb! right now I'm arguing with a red Lamb about the pink lamb I'm tryign to get you." Collateral says, "...lambs can talk?" Runabout says, "THIS one can" Runabout says, "You dont want this one though. He sucks." Collateral sounds confused. "Why are you getting me a pink lamb in the first place? I wanted a LamBO!...rghini that is." Runabout says, "I AM Getting you a Lamborghini!" Collateral says, "But you said-waitwaitwaitwait. Were you talking about one this whole time?" Runabout says, "... I dont know anymore" Collateral says, "Me neither. I'm gonna go find a sheep." Runabout says, "I went to get you a lamborghini, this other stupid one shows up, he tries to tell me you'd date HIM more than ME. So I had to ask you if you'd date one!" Collateral says, "..." Collateral can be heard thinking. It sounds astonishingly like gears turning. "...what color's he, again?" Runabout suddenly turns suspicious "NOT PINK. Collateral says, "Well, /duh/, I want you to get the pink one. 'Sjust that I remember a couple a while back...well, one, then another. One was a real -jerk-, I can tell you that." Collateral huffs. Runabout says, "WAS HE RED?" Collateral says, "No, he was yellow." Collateral says, "The -other- one was red!" Runabout says, "Oh!" Collateral says, "He was kinda funny." Runabout says, "THIS one is Red. You wouldnt want to date him either right? He's an Autobot. He prolly has cooties." Collateral says, "...he does? Uh oh." Runabout says, "!!!" Runabout says, "Go to the medbay quick! Before they spread!" Collateral says, "Ummmmmmmm..." Collateral says, "This was...a while ago. they may have already spread." Runabout says, "Aww CRAP." Runabout says, "we all gotta get shots now." Collateral says, "Look, I didn't know, ok!?" "Hold on, hold on, hold on!" he speaks up, hands waving through the air as he brazenly approaches, stepping right up to Runabout's side, a arm slung over onto her shoulder, "Remember, this is Collateral here. Girl's built like a titanium alloy bunker but she might not get what you're meaning here.." he explains, leaning on the smaller bot, pointing at him as she speaks, "Tell her Sideswipe said 'Hi'. See what happens." Runabout says, "ACK HES TOUCHING ME!!" Collateral says, "TOUCH HIM BACK! It may be your only hope!" Runabout says, "Touch him HARD?" Collateral says, "...yes? Maybe you can give them back to him." Collateral says, "I'm gonna give cooties to this lamb I just found..." "BAAAAAAA!"" Collateral BOOM. Collateral says, "Ok, I think -I'm- good." Somewhere, halfway across the world, Collateral has just opened fire on a herd of sheep. This of course means that all of the surrounding area within a half mile radius is pretty much a lost cause. "COOTIES WITH LOVE FROM THE AUTOBOTS!" Oh, the joys of miscommunication. Runabout continues murmering into his radio. First, he looks confused. And then, worried. Then angry. Then panicked. Then Sideswipe touches him "ACK! DONT TOUCH ME! YOU MAY HAVE COOTIES!" He suddenly tries to leap away, tripping over a green lambo on his way as he falls backwards, firing at Sideswipe "GIT AWAY FROM ME PLAGUEBEARER!" Runabout misses Sideswipe with its Random Laser Fire attack. Runabout says, "If I touch him enough, will I still need a shot?" Collateral says, "Ask Hook? I'm not a medic!" Runabout says, "NOT HOOK!" Collateral says, "I don't know, slaggit!" Somehow, someway, someone is going to connect that to Sideswipe, and he is going to honestly believe he's innocent. But enough of that, he's being accused of cooties.. and being shot at. He's not entirely certain which one worries him more. The l;asers are avoided, ducking just under the line of fire saving him from some injury, however, the threat of cooties yet remains. "What in the heck ar you talking about..?" he barks back from the other side of the car between them.. "Green.. really?" he mutters, getting a better look at the vehicle. Color and cooties are shoved aside however. Sideswipe gets back into the fight hoping over the car and aiming to put the boots to Runabout while he's down. Sideswipe strikes Runabout with Kick. Runabout says, "OW! Damnit. He keeps tryign to give them BACK!" Runabout had crouched to one side of the car, when Sideswipe comes down at him. HE yelps and tumbles backwards, rolling into another Lamborghini now. Scrambling to his feet he shouts "KEEP YER COOTIES TO YERSELF!" he fires at Sideswipe again. A more carefully aimed blast, and not caring if he hits any of the nice Lambos. Let the demolition begin! Runabout misses Sideswipe with its Let's get ready to RUMBLEEEEEEEE attack. Runabout says, "I may have to come back fer yer lambo, dear. I dun want cooties, and he's not standing still so I cn blow him up!" Collateral says, "..." "Alright, now your getting on my nerves!" barks out Momma Lambor's favorite son as he juked and jived just out of the laser's path, quickly shifting his weight to one foot and pivoting away, something of a gut-suck dodge. Getting his footing once more.. and ignoring the explosion behind him as the laser round drives into a car, sending it up in a hollywood explosion. Sideswipe answers in kind, his rifle drawn and aimed in split-seconds, a bead drawn befor he pulls the trigger. Collateral says, "You know, if he didn't have cooties, I'd say bring him home instead..." Sideswipe strikes Runabout with Laser. Runabout says, "I promise I'll get you one! REally!" Collateral sighs dramatically. "I -guess-." Runabout says, "You dont WANT him. he's a BITER" Collateral says, "-oh really?" Runabout says, "Yeah. And he has cooties." Collateral says, "Damn those cooties!" Runabout says, "Hes' an Autobot too remember. I dun think they make good pets. The others try to get him back" Collateral says, "Well, just 'cause you're a Bot do-...um. Um um um. Do /all/ Bots have cooties or is it just him?..." Runabout yelps as the blasts strike him. He staggers back and growls "Enuffa Dis!" he he turns and bolts for the Pink one, crouching down BEHIND it. "Last chance! On the count of... Three, I shoot the building, THEN the car!" he aims at the building behind him "ONe!... Two..... Four..." Runabout says, "Prolly. They're all really touchy feely." Collateral says, "..." Collateral says, "I'm gonna need to blow a lot more stuff up, then." Runabout says, "WHAT EXACTLY YOU BEEN /DOING/ WOMECH??" Runabout sounds more shocked than angry Collateral says, "I..." Collateral says, "..." Collateral says, "Iwasoutlookingforsomepresentstogeteveryoneandyoutooandiwentintoamallandit'safunnystory,really..." Runabout says, "oh. OKAY" Collateral says, "Ask Astrotrain!" Gut check time, it's a good thing Sideswipe put all of his skill points into crazy.^R "I've got a better idea." announces the devious Lambor, his shoulder opening up to allow a launcher of some sort to erupt up into view. A missile pokes into view through the opening, the launcher itself swiveling, taking aim at- wait, PINKSTREAKER?! "You back off or I blow up you /and/ the car." Runabout says, "... damnit. He's gonna blow up yer car babe!" Runabout says, "If I dont back up!" Collateral says, "..." Collateral says, "Wait a minute..." Collateral says, "SIDESWIPE!" Sideswipe says, "Yo?" Collateral says, "Hi!" Sideswipe says, "Heya, Collateral." Collateral says, "I know you have cooties and all but I wanna know if you could, like, -not- blow up the car. That you're gonna blow up. I'd appriciate it." Sideswipe says, "I don't know... I was kind of planning on blowing it /and/ Runamuck up." Sideswipe says, "I could just blow him up and try and not hit the car.." Collateral says, "Now, look, normally I'm all for explosions but he was totally gonna get that car for me and if you blow it up, I don't get a Christmas gift." Sideswipe says, "You're putting me in a tight spot here, Beautiful. I mean, I look bad if I just let him walk.. There's this whole war thing you see, been going on for a little while." Collateral says, "Hmm...maybe you could just blow him up a litte bit?" Runabout grumbles a little bit, putting a hand on the pink Lambo's hood "THEY CAN MAKE MORE OF THESE! THEY CANT MAKE MORE HUMANS LIKE THOSE ONES!" he shouts, even while he moves his hand off the hood "Why's this car so important ta ya anyways? Isnt that like wantin yer brother?" Sideswipe says, "How much is a little bit? I've kind of already busted him up a bit." Collateral says, "How much is a bit?" Runabout says, "wait fer what?" Collateral says, "Hush, Momma-bot's negotiating." Sideswipe skews his lip up into a thoughtful quirk, rifle resting on his shoulder, "So I let you off and you have to go through the trouble of wrapping a entire car with fragile paper.. And you won't go slinging laserbolts at humans until.. when?" "Uhm... " a pause as the mech tilts his head "Fer a long time! IT will take me a bit to wrap the car. THen I'm goin' to go find rocks to blow up." Sideswipe's optics narrow dangerously, "Inhabited rocks?" Runabout then notes "I wasn't GONNA blow up any humans this time around ANYways, you know. I was gonna grab the car and book it." he then blinks "... People live in rocks?" Sideswipe gestures to the concrete building neaerby, "What do you think that stuff is?" Runabout looks over at the Concrete building, then back "... Concrete. Its made of BITS of rock." Collateral says, "'Cause, look. If you busted him a bit already? Do a little less. No scrap off your back, eh, we're all happy." "Y'got sixty seconds.." allowed Sideswipe, flipping a console up on his arm, keying up a timer, "I hear you turned that thing into a timebomb to plant in timesquyare for new years and I'm personaly going to rip out your transformation cog and put it back in backwards." Runabout narrows his optics "Eh. That's so last vorn." he notes simply. His gun goes away and he very VERY carefully lifts the car, hefting it until he had a good grip. "See you later, Bot!" he turns and sets off, zooming off into the sky... he looks down at the building, temptingly, but manages a GREAT amount of willpower and does not fire on it, instead moving out of sight Runabout says, "I GOT IT I GOT IT... Hey, did you help??" Collateral says, "I sweet-talked him into not blowing it up." Runabout says, "... awww. This one doesnt count then." Collateral says, "...you're gonna get me another one?" Runabout says, "/I/ was gonna get you one! IT dun count if you HELPED" Collateral says, "Weeeeeeeeeellll, if you insist..." Runabout says, "I'll get you another in a few weeks! orwait, when was your build date?" Runabout says, "you can have TWO! Two is twice as much as one!" Collateral says, "This is true! Aaaaand, " Runabout says, "Hrm. Uhm... Sweet! ok. Gimme some time! I gotta wrap this one up anyways. I found some ribbon that will break before it strangles anyone this time." Collateral says, "Suresure." Runabout begins retreating, leaving itself vulnerable to parting shots from Sweepcraft , Sideswipe. Sideswipe's optics dart back and forth between the timer and the steadily fleeing Runabout. Back and forth, back and forth, seconds seeming to take so long. Finaly there is nothing but 0s across the screen.. and Runabout is gone, "Going to get my tailpipe in a sling for this.." Runabout sounds hopeful "Does this count as enough for... you know what? Collateral says, "Yes, you may pet one of the lambs I'm bringing back." Runabout says, "I MEANT THE EXPLOSIVES!" Collateral says, "..." Collateral corrects herself. "Yes, you may blow up one of the lambs I'm bringing back." Runabout says, "You were gonna give me explosives if I got you a Lambo! Remember? Ooo" Runabout says, "SWEET!" Collateral says, "And of course I remember, sugartank!" Runabout says, "Awwww."
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