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| - 1/21/2013 08:20 PM Ratchet walks throught the door, greeting the greeter and getting directions to Robustus' office, heading over that way and knocking on the door. Robustus intones, "Come in." looking up from his reading as he gazes at the door, wondering who has come to visit without an appointment. Ratchet sticks his head around the door, half-stepping inside "Bad time?" he asks, not wanting to disturb. Robustus gestures the fellow medic in, "Not at all, please come in Ratchet." Ratchet comes in, sitting down and almost immediately picking up a small finger puzzle absentmindedly toying with it to keep his hands busy "So how're you doing?" he asks of the other mech. Robustus studies the mech a moment, "I've been doing well. You, however, seem like you may be itching to talk to someone." Ratchet reluctantly half-shrugs "Nothing big going on right now. Just..projects, you know?" Ratchet says, "projects and people and the things that come along with those"" Robustus steeples his fingers in front of him, giving the other medic a quiet look and just.. waiting. Ratchet shrugs, sitting back and playing with teh finger puzzle a little, watching it. "I'm having trouble recharging" he finally admits. Robustus idly moves his index fingers, letting them stroke over his beard. "I don't think you need me to make you something to recharge properly when you could do so on your own?" he asks. Ratchet shakes his head "I can make stuff...hell, i've tried that and I've tried the high grade." he toys again "More like a damned processor snarl I can't get out of my cpu. " Ratchet says, "I get into recharge and it just keeps playing over and over again."" Robustus pauses mid-stroke, then lowers his hands away to place them flat upon the desk before him. "Memory loop or you talking a nueral net vision engaging your subconcious mind to work out an issue you are having?" Ratchet ill hides a wince "Neural net vision, I suppose." Robustus considers thoughtfully, "Care to share it? Maybe I could offer a fresh take on it?" Ratchet looks up, a sober, grim look. "Everyone I care about. Dead. I shoot them..well..some of them. But they all end up on my table and whatever I do, its never good enough. They end up deactivated. " There's a momentary look of surprise, then that thoughtful look comes back. "You kill and then attempt to save. " he pushes away from his desk and stands, moving around it to head over to a cupboard. "How many times have you had this dream?" Ratchet says, "Yeah. " Ratchet shrugs "I dunno...thirty...forty recharge cycles? Been going on for a while. Don't want it to affect my performance."" Robustus takes out a crystal decanter and two glasses. He pours a bit of the light green energon into each glass, "I'm surprised it has not done so yet." he notes honestly. He walks over, taking a seat on the edge of the desk as he offers the other medic a glass. "What are your symptoms after waking up from that vision? Spark rate up unusually high? Emotional distress? Anything of concern, no matter how miniscule?" Ratchet says, "i'm not convinced it hasn't." Ratchet admits, brutally candid. "sometimes I can catch a turbofoxrecharge in the afternoon, if its not too busy. " He takes the glass with a quiet thank you and sips it, savoring it for a moment and feeling it burn on the way down "After waking? Spark rate high, sometimes a headache, feeling as if I'm coated in grime. Even if I've been to the washracks earlier that evening. " he shrugs "And yeah, emotionally....its a good thing nothing has come in and woken me up, i've been running some programs to get me back in equilibrium before I deal with patients but...this can't last."" Robustus nods his head in agreement to that self diagnosis, "No it cannot. Have you ever tried taking active control over what you are seeing in the vision. You obviously know it's the same one at the start and if you train your mind to go 'no this is not acceptable' and then take it into your own hands." he pauses to take a sip of the high grade and mmms, "Not bad if I do say so myself." He smiles a little, then looks toward Ratchet for his reply. Ratchet says, "Not bad indeed. Did you make it?" Ratchet asks, buying himself a few seconds to think "I think..I've tried. But not very well. I always shoot them, even if I don't want to. And then we're in the clinic and I end up with them on my table. i've tried different things to fix them but none of them ever work." he looks over "i've tried ..these are simple injuries, its me shooting them. I can't do a huge amount of damage, not enough these bots can't withstand. And I try fixing up their lines, their processors, their pumps, and every time I fix something something else fails. Sometimes things that are mechanically doubtful that they would. Sometimes I try an get help and nobody comes."" Robustus inclines his head to the question, that thoughtful look still upon his features. "As a medic you know where to strike someone for the most effect. However the oath states you should never cause harm to another. Your vision is making you break your own oath and because of your nature you attempt to undo what you have done." he takes another sip, then asks, "Did you do anything before the first vision that has a correlation?" Ratchet says, "I lost a patient that day." Ratchet takes another sip of his drink "I've lost patients before, but that was the only thing I can think of. Young'un too. Frontline fighter."" Robustus idly swirls the high grade in his glass then says, "Then you my friend are suffering from classic guilt visions. You couldn't save this youngling and felt badly about it, probably more so with creators wailing and being accusatory." he takes a sip and considers the medic in front of him. "Only way the visions will go away is that you forgive yourself. No medic is Primus. No medic is infallable." Ratchet says, "Keep thinking if I'd only known a bit more..stayed on anotehr extra year at the acadamy, taken a few extra courses on top of everything...I dunno. Something. It'd make the difference. " Ratchet admits, the high grade definitely making it easier to talk. He shakes his head slightly. "Great" he mutters, wryly." Robustus considers the other medic, "Ratchet." he begins, "Even I have lost patients and I have my academy training and after graduation medical class follow up. I know much, but there is one thing a medic can never heal and that is the will to survive. When Primus calls the spark, it answers. Your younglings' time was up." he places a hand on the medics' shoulder, "It's okay to grieve and be angry, but eventually you must forgive yourself and know that you'll do better next time because you will know how to deal with it in the future." Ratchet says, "I know that up here." Ratchet taps his helmet. " but down here " he taps over his spark" isn't getting the message. He shakes his head "I've lost patients before, I just dont' know why this one has me thrown for a processor loop. It's not like the first one I lost." he looks over with a slight smile "Seriously debated if I was in the right job after that one. Decided I was, only took me a few cycles."" Robustus nods his head to the fellow medic and finishes off the high grade with one more swallow. He intones softly, "Perhaps another tact is in order to alter that vision. How long has it been since you have either self-serviced or been with another?" he asks. Oh yeah he went there. Ratchet does a double take and Robustus is answered by a splutter and Ratchet choking on the rather enjoyable high grade he had been drinking. It takes a few moments to clear the intake valve. The older medic just smiles at that and shakes his head, "You'd be surprised how that sort of distraction reorders the nueral net. It also tires you out that you would drop into a different level of recharge that may skip over the visions entirely." Ratchet composes himself "You of all people should know better than to spring that on an unsuspecting mech." he grumbles. "does it work for you? Robustus doesn't seem at all bothered by having it turned back on him, "I sleep quite well." is his reply, a smile upon his lips. "No offense is meant Ratchet. Perhaps something equally as distracting would be more your taste." Ratchet shrugs"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that to sound churlish. " he apologises "at this point I am lookign for advice..and i'm not going to turn down any thoguhts." Robustus says,, "I have given you my thoughts Ratchet. I am not a mental health doctor. I could give you name of a good one though if you want it." Ratchet shakes his head "nah, that's fine. I've got the psych background, and you're right. Guess I'll work on forgiveness and erm..." he shrugs. "service." Ratchet says, "its just easier to talk to a friend."" Robustus nods, "And has talking to me helped?" is asked. Ratchet nods slowly "Yeah I think..I just needed to hear some of it from someone else." He grins over his glass "thank you." Robustus smiles and inclines his head, "Quite welcome. My door is always open for you Ratchet." Ratchet says, "And mine to you. How's things going here?"" Robustus remains seated on the desk, glass set upon it next to him, "It goes well. Our central location has us serving all types of individuals." Ratchet says, "Good bit of variety then?" Ratchet asks "I'm noticing a lot more combat injuries...since the Cons started that heavy push"" Robustus says, "Some yes." he replies, "And we get those too here." Ratchet nods "how are you doing for supplies? do you need anything?" Robustus smiles to the concerned questions, "Our supplies are doing well. I always attempt to keep us ahead of things in that regard. And trust me if I need anything I won't hesitate to contact you." Ratchet says, "Good." Ratchet grins, finishing off the last of the high grade. "Just as a side note...have you ever heard of any procedures using sparks to heal anybot?" Robustus says, "Actual procedures? No. Plenty of theory and postulation. No application. However..." Ratchet looks over, interested. "What have you heard? Theory, postulation...whatever you've got?" Robustus at this point gets up off his disk and walks over to the filing cabinet, he shuffles through some datapads and takes one out. He offers it to the fellow medic. "I had a spark related injury come up. There are scans of the entire spark showing the damage, readings of how it was affecting various systems." he pauses, then continues carefully, "This was some time ago mind you, but I remember it as if it were last cycle." he gestures to the pad, "Feel free to read through it, study it, perhaps it will help and maybe it won't." Ratchet takes the datapad, fairly well itching to get started "Thank you. At this point..the more the better. " he grins "not the most common injury in the world is it?" Robustus shakes his head, "Not terribly common. The damage there was caused by a fall from a high location, the spark chamber as well as chest armor took the brunt of the impact. When the individual was brought in it was under very heavy sedation. I wasn't the only one there, thankfully, so we were bouncing ideas off of each other. We had all read those theory papers in academy." he pauses again as he moves around his desk and settles in his chair again. "We did everything physically possible to stabilize the spark in situ, but the other systems were damaged and things were getting sketchy. We ended up having to use a cadaver spark chamber placed in a sparkling care unit and hooked up to various machines to help keep it powered... no small feat." he smiles a little, "But by Primus' will and that of the possessor of that spark, we pulled it off, the spark stabilized. We made repairs upon the body and then tried to figure out how to fix the cracks in the spark itself." Ratchet nods " you managed to do that? " Ratchet is pretty well glued to teh chair, listening with fascination Robustus corrects gently, "A team of medics did that. I just happened to be there." he smiles and leans back in his chair, "We ended up trying a powerful solution of crystalline mixed with nanotechnology which was injected directly into the crack, following the line of the crack from end to end. Then we waited." Ratchet says, "And? What happened? Did it work?" Ratchet is trying to rack his cpu to see if he heard of anything like this, any report that this was done and drawing a blank and wondering why it wasn't published." Robustus says, "We waited, and waited. A few gave up hope and left. Others were bouncing ideas off each other just in case. I kept a close optic on that crack. It was slow but the nanotech got the idea that it had to take the crystalline solution and build on top of the current crystal. Slowly but surely the crack began to fill in." then he huffed and shook his head, "Then the worst possible thing happened." Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn." Ratchet says, "He died?" Ratchet guesses quietly, having got a little invested in the story." Robustus nods sagely, "Not because of what we did. There was a rather unfortunately timed blackout. The power went out. The spark wasn't being supported anymore..." Ratchet says, "After all that work..." Ratchet shakes his head "that's truly a shame. "" You say, "The disappointment was shared by those of us that remained. Someone was supposed to write up a medical report on it." Ratchet says, "And that was you?" Ratchet guesses, watching Robustus Robustus smirks, "No, that wasn't me. I would have seen to it that it was written up in every possible detail. I found out later that the one that volunteered to do the write up had an accident and didn't survive." he gestures to the datapad, "That is literally all that is left of that day. My own personal scans and notes." Ratchet looks at the pad again "Are you sure you want me to take it?" he double checks. You say, "I trust you will read it over, then return it to me once you are done with it." Robustus is basically saying 'yes'. Ratchet says, "I'll read it, and return it in the state I received it." Ratchet promises gravely. "Thank you."" Robustus inclines his head, "Quite welcome. I hope it will help guide you in your interest in spark healing." Ratchet says, "I'm sure it will." Ratchet stands "Thank you Robustus. I shouldn't take up more of your time."" Robustus smiles, "Glad I could be of help. And Ratchet, think about my advice. Another recharge-less night would not be good for you." Ratchet nods gravely "I'll take it under advisement." he promises "and I'll see what i can do." You say, "Good. Have a pleasant cycle Ratchet."
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