abstract
| - Door Buzzing (Buzzer suspiciously sounds like an Orc's battle cry) A cheerful voice yells back: "Just a minute please!" Heavy bolts are being retracted as the creaking wooden door noisily swings outwards. A small man, smartly dressed, wearing a bow tie and a brown tweed jacket is revealed, wearing a most inviting smile. "Good morning, sir" he says with an eloquent British accent. "And welcome to the Von Stauberg Institute for Extreme Cardiac Stress Tests. How can we serve you today?" "Erm . . . my physician send me over. He's a bit concerned about a possible heart condition I might have and asked me to come over and have it checked . . . emmm . . . How long have you been around?" The little guy's smile broadens significantly as he ushers me cheerfully inside "Yes, Yes, of course. We all need a little stress test every now and then to remove any potential problems or obstructions in the arteries...yes of course. Do come in. Please." Walking around in the gloomy corridor, I can't help remembering some of the less enjoyable scenes that I saw in Hostel. Obscure, rust-colored stains that seemed to have been scrubbed in a haste can be seen on the ancient looking archways the lead to what would seem candle-lit examination rooms "What did you say your name was?" I ask the little man walking briskly in front of me "I didn't" he answers brightly while ushering me into an office. The name tag reads "Doctor E" whilst what follows that is smudged. "Do sit down, please." I look anxiously at the dusty-looking creaky chair. "Oh please!" he smiles, "It's all quite hygienic. Have no fear." I slowly lower myself into the chair which in its turn creaks angrily. I notice a sledgehammer resting against the wall for the first time. "So," leans back the obscure little man "Would you like me to tell you how our test shall be conducted?" "Please do." "We will go through a variety of stations; each will take your pulse higher and higher until we are absolutely sure that we took you to the limit. Then we shall go a little further —just for the fun of it." "Ermmmm . . . are those monitored and regulated?" I ask a bit uncomfortable "Naturally, naturally" assures me the little man "There's nothing for you to worry about. Just lean back and relax." Heavy pounding can be heard upstairs The little man see the look on my face and comments "Nothing to worry about, it's simply the bamboo stakes test that the previous client just began." "All in good time, my friend" he rises from his chair. "Please join me for our first station".
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