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Powered directly by the tiny electrical impulses emitted by human neurons, neuroiPods do not require batteries and, with no moving parts, never wear out. In theory, a single neuroiPod injected into a human brain could operate as long as the "host" person is alive, or at least non-brain-dead. Since the unit requires no battery, no headphone jack, and no physical user interface (i.e., the LCD screen and control wheel found on larger iPods), the cost-per-unit is surprisingly low - with profit margins for the manufacturer, Apple, proportionally much higher than with other iPod models, including the next-smallest member of the iPod product line, the iPod yocto.

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  • Neuroipods
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  • Powered directly by the tiny electrical impulses emitted by human neurons, neuroiPods do not require batteries and, with no moving parts, never wear out. In theory, a single neuroiPod injected into a human brain could operate as long as the "host" person is alive, or at least non-brain-dead. Since the unit requires no battery, no headphone jack, and no physical user interface (i.e., the LCD screen and control wheel found on larger iPods), the cost-per-unit is surprisingly low - with profit margins for the manufacturer, Apple, proportionally much higher than with other iPod models, including the next-smallest member of the iPod product line, the iPod yocto.
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Revision
  • 546613(xsd:integer)
Date
  • 2006-02-18(xsd:date)
abstract
  • Powered directly by the tiny electrical impulses emitted by human neurons, neuroiPods do not require batteries and, with no moving parts, never wear out. In theory, a single neuroiPod injected into a human brain could operate as long as the "host" person is alive, or at least non-brain-dead. Since the unit requires no battery, no headphone jack, and no physical user interface (i.e., the LCD screen and control wheel found on larger iPods), the cost-per-unit is surprisingly low - with profit margins for the manufacturer, Apple, proportionally much higher than with other iPod models, including the next-smallest member of the iPod product line, the iPod yocto. The main drawback to the technology, however, is that the minuscule size of the neuroiPod reduces the amount of memory available for content to less than one kilobyte, barely enough to store three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio. (This is in contrast to the Yocto, which can store an entire half-song.) Moreover, since the unit is injected into the brain and remains there permanently, it cannot be easily reprogrammed, if at all. Also, if the neuroipod malfunctions, you will receive iEpilepsy. By default, each neuroiPod comes pre-configured to endlessly repeat one of only two short MP3 audio files. The first consists of author William S. Burroughs saying, "If you have to explain it, it's not funny," over and over and over again. The second is an extract from an obscure 1930's British film about a newspaper reporter entitled Oh, Dear Winnie, in which long-dead character actor Tom CruiseJohn TravoltaRussell CroweChuck NorrisVin DieselPee Wee HermanVing RhamesR.C. MurphySylvester StalloneGeorge Clooney says the words "oh dear, this must go on the front page," also over and over and over again.[#endnote_GodHelpUs]
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