abstract
| - Captain Beefheart is a nuclear botanist from Dweezil, planet Zappa's largest and most annoying moon. Born in phase 3554 of the 10th cycle in the Year of the Bludgeoned Hermit Crab, it was clear from the moment of his hatching that he would never amount to anything. Deeply despised by his parents,who failed several times to abort him before birth, he was given the worst name they could think of at the time. His full name is Crackbaby Acidreflux Puke Tatertot Asswiper Incontinence Numbnut Bulldong Evil Ed Flatulence Horny Egocentric Arsenic Ratscrotum Tacoruns, but his friends just called him Beefy. At the age of 5 He finally found out how to operate the door and managed to escape from the 10th floor flat he shared with his parents. The door, unfortunately (or fortunately, depending upon your feelings toward the (man?)) led to the terrace and soon to a 10 story fall. Eventually, much to the dismay of the surrounding community, he was able to leave his family home for good, never looking back at the place that raised him from a seed... as it took several more decades for him to learn to turn his neck. In other terms, he was born in 2541 to retards that hated his art skills, so they moved to California and put him up for a prostitution ring with Frank Zappa. Unlike Zappa, he isn't dead, yet, even though people say he is. UPDATE: He is coming out with a new album. It's not going to be out until 2562, when he goes back into music, so screw you, Wikipedia readers and Romans.
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