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| - (Scene opens up outside the Flynn-Fletcher house) Baljeet: We're going to the circus! We're going to the circus! (Cut to the kitchen) Baljeet: I am here and ready to go to the world-famous Cirque de Lune. Phineas: Have a seat. We're goin' in a minute. Baljeet: Ok. We're going to the circus! We're going to circus! Lawrence: Hold your horses, kids. It says here that the lead of Cirque de Lune has a severe allergy. They're canceling today's performance. Isabella: Well, that's a bummer! Linda: If it's anything like Candace's parsnip allergy, I don't blame them for not wanting to appear in public. Phineas: (at Isabella) She gets blotchy. Red, weird voice thingy. (whispering) Not good. Linda: Well, honey, looks like that frees you up to join me at the mall. Our trio is recording our first album today: Live at the Squat 'n' Stitch. Lawrence: Mmm mmm, should be swinging. Linda: Cheer up, guys. I'm sure you'll have a fun day anyway. Bye, kids, be good. Have fun! (Linda and Lawrence leaves the kitchen) Isabella: It must be so cool to be in the circus. Phineas: Yeah. (snaps his fingers) Hey, Ferb, let's put on our own Cirque. This'll be great! Ferb can set up the tent, I'll be the ringmaster. Isabella: We can sew up some arty costumes. Django: Hey, for a trick, I can put my leg over my head. .... Ow. I'll work on it. Phineas: Even Perry can have an act! The Amazing Perry! (trumpets sound) Baljeet: Ooh, I have a mystical, magical art I would like to perform. It's stupefying! Buford: I have another act that'll bring the house down. Phineas: Ferb, get the tools! Isabella: Let's do this! (Cut to Candace's room) Candace: (yawns) Good morning, Jeremy. (fake boy voice) Good morning, gorgeous. (normal voice) Oh, Jer! (giggles; kissing sounds) (power tools whirring, thumping) Candace: I'll be right back, Jeremy. (she looks out of the window) What's going on? A circus? Can't they give me a break for one day? (Cut to the backyard) Phineas: This looks great, Ferb. (machinery hissing) Phineas: Hey, have you seen Perry? I put on his costume. (Cut to Perry's lair) Major Monogram: (clearing his throat) Okay, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is buying bio-mechanical equipment and... (chuckles) ...elocution tapes. (laughing) We-we don't know why. Where are you going, Agent P? Wait, wait, wait. Don't go. I'm not laughing at you. I just heard a funny joke earlier this morning. Please-please, Agent P. Turn around so we can conclude our meeting. (camera phone snaps) Carl! Carl! Carl! What's your e-mail? Gonna send this to you. ♪ Perry! ♪ (Cut to the backyard) Buford: Hey, twerp, I brought the props for my act. Phineas: Buford, what exactly is your act? Buford: I fly into mud with a paper bag on my head. Phineas: Okay, then. Buford: The peeps are gonna love. (Cut to the driveway) Candace: I'm not even gonna call Mom. No, not gonna call! (elephant sound) (phone ringing) Linda: Candace, honey, listen. I can't talk. We're recording. Is it life or death? Candace: Well, no, but... Linda: I gotta go! Bye! (Candace growls in frustration) Jeremy: Hey-ah, Candace. Candace: Oh! Hi, Jeremy. Jeremy: My mom told me to bring over these homegrown veggies for your family. You know; she and your mom are doing that jazz thing today. Candace: Thanks! Jeremy: So, circus, huh? Cool. Cool. I guess it’s more of a cirque than a "circus". (laughs) (chorus) ♪ Aaahhh ♪ (romantic voice) Good morning, gorgeous. Candace: Oh. (giggles) Jeremy: Don't you think? Candace: What? Jeremy: Don't you think we should sit together to watch the show? If-if you want to. Candace: Yeah, yeah. (hacking cough, wheezing) Jeremy: Uh, Candace, are you okay? Candace: Say, are there any wild parsnips in here? Jeremy: Uh, I think that's all that's in there. Candace: (choked gasp) Later. (Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated) Man: I'm dancing with your wife, pal. You got a problem with that? Doofenshmirtz: I'm dance... (clears throat) "I'm dancing with your wife, pal. You got a problem with that?" Oh, yes, that does sound tough. Man: Yeah, I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that? Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I ate... (crashing; coughing) Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, look. Could-could you use the front door from now on? Could you just do that for me? I mean, yes, "I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that?" Sounds tough, huh? But not tough enough! (He pushes button on a remote and Perry gets trapped in a net) You see; ever since I was a child, I had a high, squeaky voice! But not anymore. Behold: the Voice-inator! It bio-mechanically transforms normal air into Doofelium, which'll make everyone else's voice higher, making my voice deeper by comparison. I was going to lower my own voice, but, you know, it seemed like too much trouble. (Doofenshmirtz's air-craft launches out of the building; debris shatters all about and a crashing sound is heard; in the launch door-ways is a gaping hole where the air-craft flew through) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on!!!! (Cut to Candace's room) Candace: Of course, it had to be wild parsnips. Allergy pills, allergy pills. Aha! Quick! Before my voice goes through the reaction. (now in a deep, manly voice) NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Girl: Hey, Jeremy. Wanna sit together at the show? Candace: No, no, Mindy can't sit with Jeremy. Gotta stop this, gotta tell Mom! Can't go out looking like this! Mindy: So, how about us sitting together? Candace: 'Scuse me. Jeremy: Oh, it's good, bro. (at Mindy) Thanks, but I promised Candace. (Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated) (engine firing) ♪ Doo-dooby-doo-ba ♪ ♪ Dooby-doo-ba-doo-dooby-doo-ba ♪ ♪ Doo-dooby-doo-ba ♪ ♪ Dooby-doo-ba-doo-dooby-doo-ba ♪ ♪ Agent P! ♪ (Cut to the cirque tent) Phineas: We’re moments away from Ferb and The Amazing Perry! (at Ferb) Hey, Ferb. You guys are up next. Where's Perry? (Perry, back in his cirque outfit, walks towards the boys) Phineas: Oh, there you are. Baljeet: And now, for my final trick, I will reattach my thumb! Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, come thumb, it's healing time. (wild cheering) Phineas: Let's hear it for Baljeet the Stupefying! But now, prepared to be astounded when The Amazing Semi-aquatic Perry, aided by Ferb, attempts to jump through that hoop into the Shallow Pond! Audience: Ooh! Phineas: Yeah! Let's hear it for the Amazing Semi-aquatic Perry! (Cut to the Squat 'n' Stitch) Candace: Psst. Mom. Linda: Candace, have you been near the wild parsnips again? Candace: Yes, but you gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing. Linda: What is it now? (Song: "E.V.I.L. B.O.Y.S.") Candace: ♪ Those boys are always up to something ♪ ♪ And it's bringing me to tears ♪ ♪ 'Cause just before you get home ♪ ♪ It always just magically disappears ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil! ♪ ♪ But before you get home they somehow always clean up the mess ♪ Vivian: Testify, Candace, testify! Candace: ♪ Those boys are evil ♪ Let me spell it out for you, Mom ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪ ♪ They built a roller coaster ♪ ♪ And a beach in the backyard ♪ ♪ Drove cattle through the city ♪ ♪ And messed up the boulevard ♪ ♪ They took me back in time ♪ ♪ When we went to that museum ♪ ♪ They built 50-foot tree house robots ♪ ♪ But still you didn't see them ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil ♪ ♪ Their crazy shenanigans cause me all kinds of distress ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil ♪ ♪ Sing it with me! ♪ ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪ ♪ I know you think they're saints ♪ ♪ But Mom, I'm here to tell ♪ ♪ Those B-O-Y-S, they're just E-V-I-L ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil ♪ ♪ They're making me feel like my head's in a hydraulic press ♪ ♪ And that don't feel too good! ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil ♪ Everybody! Women: ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪ Candace: That's what I'm talking about! Women: ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪ Candace: ♪ That's right those boys are ♪ ♪ Evil little boys! (applause, cheering) Candace: Okay, Mom, so you gonna come home with me? Linda: Are you kidding, hon? Let's do another! Candace: (groans) Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, but you are too late. .... Wait! Wait, don't touch that! .... Stop it! Stop it! (chuckling) Stop it, I told you! Stop it! I said, keep your hands off of that. (Cut to the cirque tent) Buford: Hey, I got my costume all set. Be sure to introduce me as The Amazing Baggo. Phineas: You know, we've been thinking about your act and have some suggestions. Modify your torque and reverse the angle of trajectory. Buford: I still get to land in the mud, right? Phineas: Oh, yeah, yeah. Buford: I want the mud. (audience cheering) Phineas: Thank you, Django, the Human Pretzel! Django: (moaning) Phineas: That's gotta hurt. And now, our next act will catapult through the heavens, and land in a pit filled with the mysterious Aztec mud of doom! Audience: Ooh! hoo! Candace: Jeremy! Jeremy! Jeremy! (gasps) He saved me a seat. Phineas: I give you The Amazing Baggo! Buford: Taa-daa! Hey! Candace: Guys, cut it out. Let go! Buford: That dude's stealing my act! Candace: (grunting; screaming) Ferb: (whistles) Phineas: Hmm. He must have been lighter than we calculated. Buford: No, no! This is Buford's moment to shine! (jumps into the pit of mud) Hey, everybody, over here! (all cheer) Phineas: Wait. How'd he get down there? Ferb: Perhaps Buford truly is amazing. (shouting, grunting) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great, now this thing's broken. (Cut to the cirque tent) Phineas: And now, ladies and gentlemen, (voice-pitch rising) I give you our entire cast in our grand finale, featuring The Amazing Perry! (high-pitched cheering) Doofenshmirtz: (Voice rising) Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (Cut to the backyard) Kids: Thanks, Phineas. You're the coolest. Boy: That was the best circus I've ever been to. (kids talking) (machinery hissing) Linda: Hi, guys. Phineas: Mom, Dad, you missed our cirque. Linda: Well, it sure looks like you had fun. (Perry chatters) Linda: Who wants to hear my CD? Phineas: Ooh, I do. Lawrence: All right, come on! Phineas: Cool. Candace: (moans, back to normal voice) Oh, well, at least I'm back to normal. Jeremy: Hey, Candace. My mom played me some of their CD. Your singing is awesome! How'd you get your voice to sound like that? Candace: Oh, same as all the great blues singers: wild parsnips.
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