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| - Lone Star: "Helmet! So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time." Dark Helmet: "Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Star." Lone Star: "What?" Dark Helmet: "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate." Lone Star: "So, what does that make us?" Dark Helmet: "Absolutely nothing, which is what you are about to become. Prepare. To. Die."
* Dark Helmet: "Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!" Gunner: "Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best." Dark Helmet: "Who made that man a gunner?" Major Asshole: "I did, sir! He is my cousin."
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| abstract
| - Lone Star: "Helmet! So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time." Dark Helmet: "Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Star." Lone Star: "What?" Dark Helmet: "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate." Lone Star: "So, what does that make us?" Dark Helmet: "Absolutely nothing, which is what you are about to become. Prepare. To. Die."
* Dark Helmet: "Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!" Gunner: "Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best." Dark Helmet: "Who made that man a gunner?" Major Asshole: "I did, sir! He is my cousin." Dark Helmet: "Who is that man?" Colonel Sandurz: "He is an asshole, sir." Dark Helmet: "Well, I know that, but what's his name?" Colonel Sandurz: "That is his name, sir: Asshole. Major Asshole." Dark Helmet: "And his cousin?" Colonel Sandurz: "He is an asshole, too, sir. The gunner is a 1st-class, pallid asshole." Dark Helmet: "How many assholes have we got on this ship, anyway?" Everyone [raises hand]: "Oi!" Dark Helmet: "I knew it! I'm surrounded by assholes!" [Puts face shield down] "Keep firing, assholes!"
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