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| - Jenny: (sing-rapping) Popping bottles in the ice, like a blizzard. When we drink, we do it right getting slizzerd. Sipping sizzurp in my ride like 3 6. Now I'm feeling so fly like a G6... Carl: (shudders) If that didn't just make the hair on the back of your neck curl up in revoltion, then I don't know, maybe we come from different backgrounds. My criteria on party music is if I can focus on how much fun the people are having in the music video, it's a good song. With that criteria, last episode's song, "Club Can't Handle Me" would have gotten a barely passing grade. But if all I can focus on is the disgusting vapidtude of the people on this song, such as this, then it fails. And if you can tell by the airheaded giggling and utter misuse of hip-hop slang, then this song is evidence that we are now entering the post-Stacy era of music. Not only is she not going away, everyone, get ready for a legion of imitators. (takes out a knife and stabs himself) Carl: Now, if you've lived a good life, then that whole chorus should have been uncomprehensable to you. I'll try to give you the annotated version of some of the most difficult passages. Jenny: Popping bottles in the ice, like a blizzard, when we drink, we do it right, getting slizzered. Carl: Yeah, I had to look that one up. "Slizzered" means "drunk". You could probably guess that. Also, a fun fact: the word "slizzered" is almost the exact combination of vowels and consonants that's enough to completely (bleep) me off. There are people who hate the word "moist" for some reason just because of how it sounds, and that's how I feel about "slizzered". That's just a word that NO ONE should use, including me, and I'm a nerd! Jenny: Sipping sizzurp in my ride... Carl: I actually knew what sizzurp meant. Heinz: Cough syrup! Nothing but over the counter children's cough syrup! A crowd of people: (gasp) Carl: (unimpressed) Cough syrup. You probably thought that sizzurp was pink champagne or something, but no, it's cough syrup. I have no idea how cough syrup has gotten so popular in the pop world. I've heard of a few parties where people drink stuff so foul that they get drunk, but seriously, cough syrup!? (sarcastically) It's also a nice way to accidentally overdose, too! Remember kids, please sip your sizzurp responsibly. Carl: But let's get to the real point of the song. What the (bleep) is a G6? It's a jet, okay. You know, Phineas is fly, like a jet because jets fly (laughs sarcastically). And rapping about G6s is another hip-hop cliche. I hear it all the time. I'm so sick of rappers bragging about their G6s. Phineas: (rapping) I know G4 pilots on a first name basis.... Carl: Wait, that's a G4..... Jeremy: (singing) Girl, we're flying on the G5, G5.... Carl: That's a G5....No, I've never heard anyone use the term "G6" except on games of Battleship. Is it another jet? (sighs) I'm sorry, I have to go Google this AGAIN. (screen cuts to Carl on a computer with a collage of Vanessa pictures as a screensaver) Carl: Google image search. (types "G6" in the search box. Pictures of cars fill the screen) .......Cars? (looks up an article about G6s) "A G6 is not a Gatorade flavor. It's not a car, four-door, or a watch. But Phineas, Phineas talks about G4 pilots on deck, so we said, 'what's flyer than a G4? Of course it would be a G6.'" (looks up another article) "The only problem with all the enthusiasm? A G6 does not exist". (screen shows Carl walking back to the set of the show angrily. He almost throws something at the camera, then stops and sits down) Carl: A G6 is not a thing. It's a stupid, made-up word from a bunch of stupid baby-talking pinheads. You know what, why do THEY get to decide what it means? Why don't /I/ get to decide!? "G6" means eating your own snot. Annotation: Gross x 6! Carl: Why not? It can mean anything you want it to be because it's not real! Carl: So this jet that they get on at the end of the video, not a G6, because as stated, a G6 is not....(record scratch)...Wait a minute, BACK UP! (screen shows the words "7:30 AM THE NEXT MORNING" while Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet, and Buford walk onto a plane) Carl: "Seven-thirty the next morning"!? .............If you know how to throw a decent party, you SHOULD NOT be awake at seven-thirty the next morning. You could throw a decent SLUMBER party, but you should not be awake and dressed as seven-thirty the next morning. You POSERS! (a picture of Phineas, Ferb, Buford, and Baljeet pops up with a caption that says "POSERS") (screen shows the music video) Carl: The music is okay, it's not really my thing, but if you're into this kind of stuff, that's fine. It's just the people singing...why would you wanna be around them? Shouldn't party music be made by people that you actually want to party with!? And furthermore, doesn't the "best party ever" get ruined when you have some dumb hippie chick start blabbering about sizzurp? I feel reminded of that Phineas and Ferb song "Spa Day", which was supposed to be about teenage girls and people over the age of fifteen relaxing, and then shut down right in the middle for this. Ferb: It's spa day, P and F at the scene! Carl: Or for that matter, that Stacy song, "Glamorous", which gave us this. Stacy: I still go to Taco Bell, drive through, gross as (bleep)... Carl: Listening to all these songs is like going to a fancy restaurant and getting served a big fancy meal garnished with armpit hairs. Carl: "Like a G6" is apparently the Stacy/PFSC collaboration that the world was demanding..........it's the world we live in, I don't make those decisions. Baljeet: Got that 808 bump, make you put your hands up, make you put your hands up, put-your-put your hands up.... Carl: Is it just me, or does this voice telling me to "put my hands up" sound like Irving? Irving: (with a chipmunk voice) Nerds get their pants pulled down and they are spanked with nunchucks. Carl: Because that's what I'm hearing. (screen shows Irving and Albert spinning around in circles while Baljeet says "put your hands up" in the background) Phineas: (rapping) Girl I keep it gangsta, poppin' bottles at the crib... Carl: Um, no. Someone needs to remember when the word "gangsta" actually meant something, it didn't come out of the mouth of some (bleep) triangle-head kid. When I think of "keeping it gangsta", I think of this) Heinz: (starts rapping) Carl: Not just "poppin' bottles at the crib". What, opening bottles of alcohol at your house? (takes out a bottle of wine, opens it, and shrugs) Annotation: STRAIGHT UP THUGGIN' Ferb: Take a bottle to the head and let me see you fly... Carl: ....."Take a bottle to the head"? (looks at the wine bottle) (screen shows Albert breaking beer bottles over random people's heads) Carl: ...No. I'm not doing that. I am not having any bottles broken over anyone's head. Not after the Albert incident....I'll tell you about it sometime.....So much blood.... Ferb: (rapping) They be ackin' like they drunk, ack-ack-ack-ackin' like they drunk, sober girls around me, they be ackin' like they dr-dr-drunk.... (screen shows Pinkie Pie dancing and singing while other ponies watch her in disgust) Carl: Yeah, I kinda hate this song. The rapping is lame, the lyrics are repetitive, I don't like how the chorus keeps repeating and never builds anything, and it wears out its welcome very quickly. This is a song meant for fifteen year old girls to dance to inappropriately at parties for their Facebook pictures. I don't do any of those things, so this song is a complete mess. Carl: The one thing I'm not able to figure out is this. Jenny: Sippin' sizzurp in my ride, like three six..... Carl: "Three six"? What the (bleep) does that mean!? Thirty six? Three times six? Nineteen thirty-six? The Great Depression? Adolf Hilter rising to power? Three sixes.......THE DEVIL! OF COURSE! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! THAT'S WHY SOBER GIRLS AROUND THEM BE ACKIN' LIKE THEY DRUNK! IT'S SATANIC MIND CONTROL! THIS SONG ISN'T JUST STUPID, IT'S ACTIVELY BRAINWASHING THE MASSES AND SERVICE OF THE DARK LORD! SOON WE WILL ALL LOSE OUR SOULS....No That sounds stupid. This song isn't evil, it's just annoying. I don't see anything in this song that summons the devil. Buford: (in a deep voice) Because it's... Carl: (jumps) What the (bleep) was that!? Buford: (in a deep voice) Because it's... (a picture of Buford dressed as the devil pops up) Carl: SATAN! SATAN! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG! BAD POP MUSIC, ALL THIS BAD POP MUSIC! I KNEW IT, IT'S THE WORK OF THE DEVIL! CORRUPTING OUR MINDS, DESTROYING THE WORLD, HE'S COMING, COMING FOR YOU AND YOUR SOULS! REPENT! SWEAR ON THE GOOD BOOK! (a picture of a book called "How to Act Like a Pony For Dummies" pops up) AND YOU MAY YET BE SAVED! REPENT NOW OR YOU WILL PERISH IN THE FOURTH CIRCLE OF (BLEEP)! (Images of Suzy singing "Bad Romance", Ferb singing "Eenie Meenie", Stacy singing "Imma Be", Stacy singing "Blah Blah Blah", Buford singing "I Can Transform Ya", Suzy singing "Party in the USA", and Irving singing "Bedrock" fill the screen while Carl screams) Where you will hear "Like a G6" for eternity. (screen shows the end of the "Like a G6" music video) Carl: May God have mercy on us all. (episode ends)
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