| abstract
| - {|class="topbox topbox-episode" |style="padding:3px"|File:Steven gallery.png |This is a transcribed copy of "". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |} [Open Int. Beach House] (Steven and Connie are watching "Under the Knife" on the TV together on Steven's bed.) Lady: Doctor, it's my son. There was an accident. I - Doctor: I know what we have to do. Nurse! Nurse: Yes, doctor? Doctor: Prep the patient for emergency surgery. We're gonna go... under the knife. Connie: *screams happily* Ugggggh!!!! This show is so good! Aaah! Thank you so much for letting me watch "Under the Knife" here, Steven. Steven: How come you can't watch the show at home? Connie: My mom says this doesn't represent a real emergency room. Nurse: How did his legs... get into... his brain?! Connie: She just doesn't understand that it's satire. *cellphone ringing* Steven: Is that your phone? Connie: It's probably my mom. *checks phone* Called it. *puts on glasses and clears throat* Hi, Mother. It's Connie. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. *looks at Steven* I'm at the home of Steven Universe. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. We're—we're just hanging out. Oh... Steven's parents. They're, uh—they're in the other room. You would like to talk to Steven's mom? Oh, okay. Hold on a moment. Steven: *starts to get worried* That's gonna be pretty hard since my mom gave up her physical form to make me. Connie: *blocks phone with hand* I can't tell her that! (They both run down the stairs, breathing heavily.) Steven: Garnet, quick—you have to pretend to be my mom to Connie's mom. Garnet: *takes the phone* Hello. This... is Mom Universe. Yes. *adjusts visor* The children are playing swords. Sorry—playing with swords. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again. *hangs up the phone and hands it back to Steven* Sorry, I panicked. (Steven and Connie both look shocked.) [Trans. int. Beach House, sometime later] Steven: *on the phone with Connie while dressing a cake* Aw, what do you mean, your mom won't let you come over? It's the midseason pre-finale of "Under the Knife"! Connie: *in her house* Steven, my parents are really upset. They say they will not let me see you again until they meet both of your parents in person. Steven: But that's impossible! Connie: I know, but they want both of our families to go out together for dinner. Steven: *puts cheeseballs on the cake* It sounds so... adult. I wonder if Fish Stew Pizza will take reservations for-- *counting on fingers* Pearl, Garnet, Dad, Amethyst—all eight of us. Connie: You can't bring everybody! Steven: Why not? Connie: Because... because... I told my parents you have a nuclear family! Steven: *not understanding* *defensive* Nuclear?! Sure, they make stuff blow up sometimes, *puts hand on hip* but that's because they're magic, not radioactive! Connie: *a bit annoyed* Ste-ven, "nuclear" means two adults and their child and/or children. My parents think you live with your mother and father. Steven: *frowns* But none of that is true. You never told your mom and dad about the Crystal Gems? Connie: No, and it has to stay that way. If they find out I lied to them, they'll never let me hang out with you again. [Trans. int. Beach House, sometime later] Greg: *grunting and struggling to put on sweater* Ahh. Steven: *pacing in front of the Crystal Gems* How am I supposed to choose just one of you to bring to dinner? You're all so... cool! Pearl: *disgusted* Why does it have to be dinner? We get all the energy we need from our gems, and while our human constructs are capable of eating, I find it very uncomfortable. Amethyst: I love eating! *chuckles* Feels weird. *pulls out chips from bag then munches on them grossly* Steven: Okay, okay, okay. Let's focus. Which of you would make the best and most nuclear mom? Garnet, you keep us safe by scaring off the bad guys, just like a mom would. (Garnet says nothing.) But you're not the best conversationalist. Amethyst, you would be a super fun mom! Amethyst: *munching, picking nose and drooling* Steven: Can moms be gross? Amethyst: Why not? *pulls a strand of mucus out of nose* Steven: Pearl! You're always worried about me, you teach me lots of stuff, *puts hand on her shoulder* you're approachable, and you're, like, totally not gross. (Amethyst munching and her nose is still running.) Pearl: Uh... *nauseous look* Steven: But... you can't eat dinner.*walks away sadly* Steven: *sits beside Greg on the couch* Man, why did Connie have to say I have one mother instead of zero... or three? Greg: We'll figure this thing out. We just have to put our heads together. Steven: Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious! You can all come to dinner—all three of you, fused into one! *snaps finger* Pearl: What?! Amethyst: Whoa! Greg: What? Pearl: Steven, you know we only fuse in deadly situations! Steven: It'd be like—like I'm actually bringing my whole family! Amethyst: That's insane. Garnet: Fusion is serious magic, not a trick for dinner parties. Steven: I know. Then I guess this is it. I'll never get to see Connie again. Oh, Connie! I'll never know a star that shines as bright as you. (The Gems all look at him, sympathizing.) Garnet: *sighs* We have no choice. [Trans. Ext. restaurant] [Slow piano music playing] Mr. Maheswaran: *groans* Dr. Maheswaran: We've been waiting for nearly 20 minutes. [Rumbling and gulls are crying] Connie: *gasps* Mr. and Dr. Maheswaran: *both gasp* (Alexandrite appears over the hilltops.) Mr. Maheswaran: Uh... Oh. Steven: *on Alexandrite's shoulder* Hi, Connie! Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Maheswaran! (Alexandrite lowers Greg and Steven.) Greg: Thanks... honeybun... ? Alexandrite: You're welcome... Greg. Greg: I'm Greg Universe. And this massive drink of water is my wife, Alexandrite. Alexandrite: *awkwardly* Hi-i-i-i-i-i. [Time Skip—later during dinner] Alexandrite: *munching on 6 breadsticks* Mr. Maheswaran: I hope this place has unlimited breadsticks. Dr. Maheswaran: Don't be rude. Alexandrite: *munching continues* Bleh. *sticks tongue out, showing chewed up breadsticks* Greg: *chuckles nervously* Isn't my wife a riot? *chuckles nervously* Dr. Maheswaran: So, tell me—how did you two meet? Greg: Huh? How did we meet? Well, we, um-- Steven: *standing up from his seat* They met on a roller coaster! Connie: *mouths 'what'* Steven: She was too tall to ride! Heh-heh. Connie: *shakes head in disapproval* Greg: Uh, *chuckles nervously, then laughs nervously* I remember it like it was yesterday. Right, honey? *places hand on her leg and laughs nervously* Eh... *whispers* sorry. Alexandrite: *slams Greg's face onto table* Have some more breadsticks... dear. Mr. Maheswaran: Uh, *coughs* what is it that you two do for a living, Mr. and Mrs. Universe? Greg: Well, you see, I own a local car wash, and my sweet, dear wife here-- Steven: My mom works on an apple farm! Connie: *sighs and slams head onto table* Dr. Maheswaran: What did we say about heads on the table? Steven: She uses all her arms to pick apples out of huge trees. *chuckles nervously* Greg: Well, you know what they say—an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Alexandrite: Yes, I hate doctors. Dr. Maheswaran: Well, I'm a doctor. Connie: Steven, help me find the restroom! [Trans. Int. The Crab Shack] Steven: Things are going pretty good so far, huh? Connie: Steven, are you kidding me?! What is this thing that you brought to dinner?! Steven: It—it's my family. It's all of the Gems, fused together into a... six-armed, giant woman. Connie: Why couldn't you just bring one of the Gems? Steven: 'Cause that would be a lie. *narrows eyes* Your... glasses... Connie: What about them? Steven: I healed your eyes. You don't even need to wear those anymore. Connie: What are you talking about? Steven: All that stuff you told your parents about my family—you're just ashamed of me! Connie: Oh, whatever, Steven. Let's just focus on getting through the evening. Connie: So, Steven was telling me that on his mom's apple farm, they're bioengineering a gala-fuji hybrid. (A waiter places food on the table.) Steven: Yes, that's definitely true. Dr. Maheswaran: Isn't that right, Mrs. Universe? Alexandrite: *picks up popcorn shrimp and sniffs* Ugh! (One hand smooshes the shrimp against her face.) What are you doing? (Another hand slaps her in the face.) I'm hungry! (A second mouth appears below her face.) I don't think so. Cut it out, you two. *starts fighting herself and grunting* Grrrrr-ugh! *uppercuts self and chomps on a hand* Steven: Stop! You don't have to eat it! (Alexandrite moaning and her face begins to crack.) (All gasp.) (Alexandrite unfuses.) Pearl: Steven! *crawls towards him* Ohh. Thank you so much. You don't know how horrified I was when that dreck nearly fell into our mouths. Eating food is so disgusting! You chew it into nasty mush, swallow that goop, and it comes out of you? What a completely horrid experience! Amethyst: Uh, speak for yourself. Ha! I love it when mush passes through my body. Garnet: It doesn't matter what you two think. We're doing this for Steven! *summons gauntlets and hits them both on the head* Pearl and Amethyst: Aah! Mr. Maheswaran: What is going on here? Who are they?! Dr. Maheswaran: I knew I should have trusted my bad feelings about this new friend of yours, but I never thought I wouldn't be able to trust my own daughter. (Connie runs off.) Steven: Connie! *runs after her* [Trans. bus stop] [Owl hoots] Steven: Connie. Connie: Steven, I'm so sorry. It's not that I'm ashamed of you. I was so worried that my parents would think all this magic stuff is weird. What if they don't let me hang out with you anymore? *crying* Steven: I-I'm sorry I messed everything up. I wish there was a way we could just... hang out without having to worry about stuff. Connie: Steven, let's just hop on a bus and live somewhere else without telling anyone! Steven: That's a great idea! (A bus pulls up to the bus stop.) [Trans. Int. bus] (Both grunt as they sit at the back of the bus.) Steven: Where's this bus taking us? Connie: Wherever we end up. We'll find a way to survive. I've been reading about sustainable living. Steven: Maybe it'll take us to a real apple farm! Connie: What's up with you and apples today? [Thumping] Steven and Connie: Huh? *look out back window* [Thumping continues] (Alexandrite is running after the bus.) Alexandrite: Steve-e-e-n! (A second mouth appears below her face.) Steven and Connie: Aaaaaah! Alexandrite: *picks up the bus* You two, come out of that bus this instant! Steven: Aah! Okay! J-just put the bus down first. [Trans. ext. The Crab Shack] Dr. Maheswaran: I don't even know where to begin with you, young la-- Pearl: What were you thinking, running off with Connie like that? You could have gotten yourselves hurt! Garnet: Or gotten mangled in traffic. Amethyst: Or thrown in prison. Pearl: Steven, you are in very big trouble, and we have no choice but to punish you. Steven: But... Garnet: No dinner for 1,000 years. Steven: 1,000? *sad expression* Pearl: We would never starve you, but you will lose your TV privileges... for 1,000 years. Steven: No! The midseason pre-finale of "Under the Knife"! How can you do this to me?! *cries slightly* Greg: *disapproving look* Because we love you, Steven. Steven: *groans* Dr. Maheswaran: Wow. That was a masterful use of the "because we love you" shutdown. I'm quite partial to the "It's for your own good" myself. Mr. Maheswaran: That "1,000 years of no dinner" bit *chuckles* was pretty funny. *laughs* Garnet: All comedy is derived from fear. Mr. Maheswaran: *laughs* You are too much. Dr. Maheswaran: I did not know what to make of the two of—excuse me—four of you, but I see that you are responsible parents—uh, caregivers? Guardians. Connie: So, I can still hang out with Steven? Dr. Maheswaran: Sure. Steven: Alright! *laughs and hugs Connie* Dr. Maheswaran and Mr. Maheswaran: Uh! Mr. Maheswaran: *grunts and separates Steven and Connie* (Iris out on Mr. Maheswaran's satisfied face.) [END] {|class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" align=center style="color: ; background-color:#000080; width:100%; border:2px solid #000000; text-align:left; font-size:90%;" ! align=center style="background:teal; font-size:80%;" colspan=2 | v • e Transcripts |- |}
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)