| abstract
| - A SongFic by Aqua. Original Artist: Demi Lovato A SongFic about Crowfeather and Whitetail. (Whitetail is from Windclan, random fan-character). I looked across the clearing at Crowfeather. As he slowly chewed his rabbit, I could see the painful memories reflecting in his eyes. Crowfeather has never forgotten Feathertail and Leafpool, his lost loves. I know he dreams about them. I heard him mumble their names in his sleep. He tried to love Nightcloud. But she was just a toy, just an object to prove his loyalty. Now he claims that he'll never fall for another she-cat. In fact, those were some of his first words to me: "I'll never fall in love." I know that the reason he won't fall in love with another she-cat isn't because he doesn't want to; it's because he's scared to. He's lost Feathertail to Starclan and Leafpool has left him for her clan. As for Nightcloud, he was never in love with her. Now he's afraid that another love will end up the same way as the rest; In tragedy. I understand Crowfeather. I've known Crowfeather since kithood, and we've always had a mutual friendship. I want to help him. But he never takes notice of me. He always edges away, always turns his back on me. I try and try again to make him realize I'm not there to hurt him. I'm there to help him heal. But for him the wounds are too deep. He can't trust another she-cat again. But I know that someday, somehow, I will open his eyes to a new life, a better life that he can live. I will help him heal. I don't care how long it takes. I know that he realizes that I'm trying to help him heal. But I can see the fear in his eyes whenever I try to help. He's afraid that maybe if he gives in, I'll suddenly laugh and tell him it was all a trick, just a trick to make his life more miserable. Then one day, a badger attacked our clan. It went straight for Crowfeather, as if it knew and hated him. I'm not sure if it was fate that brought that badger to our clan or just coincidence. But when it pinned him down, I was the first to attack it. I ripped the badger's fur out, tasting it's salty blood as I bit into it's shoulder. The badger whipped around and opened it's wide jaws, saliva dripping from the roof of it's mouth. Then it happened. The badger reared up, then fell down on top of me. The world went black. I woke up in the medicine cats den. My jaw felt strange, and one eye could barley open. Kestrelflight gave me a look of sympathy. I scrambled to my paws. Something wasn't right. Crowfeather suddenly slipped in. When he saw me standing up, wide awake, a look of relief came onto his face. “You're awake.” he said. “What happened?” I said. “The badger attacked you.” Kestrelflight said. “I'm afraid that your face will be permanently scarred.” I looked into the small puddle in the den. What was in the water was a white she-cat with her jaw twisted to one side and one of her eyes closed with a huge scar running across it. I backed away from the water in horror. Crowfeather ran over to me and pressed against my side as I wept. My face would be scarred forever. After that, Crowfeather began to visit me more often. We became better friends. Slowly, I saw signs of him healing. The pain that had always been in his eyes began to fade away. He even started to laugh. I was easing the pain. He still loved Leafpool and Feathertail, but he was beginning to put his past behind him. He was ready to move on. I was happy at the very thought of it. My scarred face and twisted jaw would always remind me how much I cared for Crowfeather. How much he meant to me. I was willing to risk my life for him. Then one day I found him at the edge of the territory, weeping. I tried to come near him, but he turned around and hissed at me, his eyes full of anger. “Leave me alone!” he spat. Then he turned around and began to weep. After a second I realized what was wrong. Laying in between his paws was a brown and white tabby she-cat. She her eyes were closed, and she wasn't breathing. In between Crowfeather's paws lay Leafpool. “Crowfeather, we can be together!” I insisted. He shook his head. “No Whitetail.” He sighed. “I can't take another love, not when Leafpool has died. I have lost everything.” “We can be mates!” I said. “We can have kits, and then grow old together! You can still be happy!” I said. Crowfeather got up and stalked away. I sighed in frustration. After Leafpool's death, Crowfeather was back into a state of grief. Crowfeather was scared, I could see the fear in his eyes. The idea of starting a new life scared him, like maybe this life wouldn't go right either. But slowly, I would help him build his new life. Crowfeather stared into space. I just knew he was thinking of Leafpool. A sharp pain stabbed me in the chest. Did Leafpool mean more to him than me? I shook my head. Maybe now she did, but I would show him that he must move on. As I approached the warriors den, ready to try and convince Crowfeather to let Leafpool go, I heard Nightcloud growl, “Crowfeather, you mouse-brain!” I peered into the den to see Nightcloud hissing at Crowfeather. I prepared to burst in and defend my crush, but Nightcloud spoke again and I stopped. “Crowfeather, Leafpool is gone. You have to stop grieving for her. What she wants is for you to settle down with a cat who really loves you. And even a blind cat could see that Whitetail is the right she-cat for you!” Nightcloud hissed. “But I'd be betraying Leafpool.” Crowfeather growled. “She is DEAD!” Nightcloud hissed. “You only have one life, and if you want to make it miserable, then go ahead!” Nightcloud stormed out of the den. Finally, the grief left Crowfeather's eyes. He began to talk with his friends and share jokes with them. But he evaded me. It make my heart break to see him constantly avoiding me whenever he could. I thought he hated me. I went into a state of depression. I wouldn't eat, wouldn't talk, and wouldn't sleep. My state left the clan in confusion. “Is she sick?” they all wondered. If you wanted to put it that way, then Crowfeather was the only one who could heal me. Finally I managed to get me and Crowfeather alone. “Crowfeather, why are you avoiding me?” I asked, searching his eyes for an answer. Crowfeather turned his head around and hid his face. “I can't do this again.” he murmured. “I can't fall in love. It's going to end up horribly. I just know it.” “Oh Crowfeather, when will you open your eyes and realize that I'm not going to hurt you?” I sighed. “We could be happy. We really could.” I sat down next to him and brushed my cheek against his. “I love you.” I whispered into his ear. But he turned around and ran away. My strength was ebbing away. I had no will to go on without Crowfeather. His blue eyes were a constant picture in my mind, tormenting me. Eventually I was moved to the medicine den, where Kestrelflight tried to heal me in every way he could. But I was beginning to fade away. My fur was in clumps and my eyes always glazed over. “I don't know what to do for her.” Kestrelflight. “All we can do now is pray.” I barely saw anything around me. The world was in shades of gray without Crowfeather's love. Nothing could heal me. I was on my way to Starclan. One day Crowfeather came into the den. He settled down next to me, but I barely noticed. I was in a world all my own. “Whitetail, please don't leave.” he whispered into my ear. “Why should you care?” I said in a croaky voice. “Because, whether or not you knew it, I haven't been able to take my mind off of you for a minute. I've been a stubborn mule, trying to block you out, when I should have been letting you in.” He said, his eyes starting to fill with tears. “Don't leave me now.” “What about Leafpool and Feathertail?” I hissed weakly. “You must still love them.” “I do.” he said, some of the old pain returning to his eyes. “But they're gone now. I loved them, but now it's time to move on. I love you more than the world Whitetail.” I let out a croaky laugh. “It's too late for me Crowfeather. My heart is already in pieces.” “Then let me put the pieces back together!” Crowfeather said. “I have been in pain, but you helped me heal. Now it's my turn to heal you.” He pressed against my side and began to purr gently. "You are the only thing worth living for." He stared at me with his eyes full of love. The strength began returning to my bones. I whispered in his ear. “I hope that I can help ease the ache of losing Leafpool and Feathertail.” Crowfeather purred and licked my cheek. A warm glow filled my heart and I stood up, the old light returning to my eyes. “I love you.” I said. “I love you too.” Crowfeather said. And I could see my own love reflected in his eyes. “Remember how the first time I met you you said that you'd never fall in love?”
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