Soon after, he fought in the trenches of World War 1 as a German private. He acquired the Iron Cross for bravery after having courageously beaten one million British soldiers to death with a massive pink rubber dildo during the battle of the Somme. Sadly, the medal was stolen by the wicked Haitian Adolf Hitler during a wild drinking spree in Amsterdam. Kamprad is the evil Grand Vizier of Sweden, keeping the beautiful but helpless monarch Agatha Christie locked in a high tower while he saves the world for tasteful but economical furnishings.
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