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The question of Breakfast Doctrine came to a head when the Earl of Sandwich petitioned King William IV to outlaw whipped cream when applied either to toast or to young boys. The furious Pope Pius-Rattigan immediately issued an encyclical, entitled Sum Lactus Juvenalis Et Toast, and excommunicated the entirety of England.

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  • Toast Wars
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  • The question of Breakfast Doctrine came to a head when the Earl of Sandwich petitioned King William IV to outlaw whipped cream when applied either to toast or to young boys. The furious Pope Pius-Rattigan immediately issued an encyclical, entitled Sum Lactus Juvenalis Et Toast, and excommunicated the entirety of England.
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  • The question of Breakfast Doctrine came to a head when the Earl of Sandwich petitioned King William IV to outlaw whipped cream when applied either to toast or to young boys. The furious Pope Pius-Rattigan immediately issued an encyclical, entitled Sum Lactus Juvenalis Et Toast, and excommunicated the entirety of England. Hostilities mounted. The Anglican Church cautiously suggested toad-in-a-hole with marmalade as a compromise but said they were willing to back this up with a full English breakfast with baked beans, bacon, scrambled egg and tomato sauce. The Pope refused to kneel to this 'disgusting heretical Anglican fake Eucharist' and declared a Holy War. The Pope's shock troops, spearheaded by the Swiss Guard, invaded Ipswich on Palm Sunday, 1834, and in a stroke of luck captured the Earl of Sandwich at once. The army of the Vatican also confiscated 50,000 slices of English toast, which the Pope ordered burned at the stake, and just for the hell of it, they threw in Edward Cullen as well. The Anglicans were still cooking when the Papal army arrived. An exchange of fried bread and brioche between the two sides ended when the Pope declared himself a humble victor. Sandwich was taken to Rome where he recanted his 'toasty heresies'. Pope Pius-Rattigan then sent Sandwich back to England with a very small vial of marmalade which he could sniff if so wished
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