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| - Todd: So, um (smacks his lips)... Todd (VO): ...recently to stave off one of my frequent bouts of poverty, I, decided to try a little experiment. I decided to... Todd: ...actually let sell requests for the first time to four lucky people. And uh, it went really well I'm, I'm really grateful for you guys' appreciation and I was really happy with the result, I was, I was able to... Todd (VO): (image of fancy gold shoes) ...finally get myself some new shoes, (image of Todd in hospital bed with face covered over) I finally got that pesky appendix removed... Todd: ...and all I have to do in return is, y'know, do a little research for an episode on whatever my donors requested. Well, that should be easy, let's see what the first guy wants. Todd: You motherf... Todd: Now... Todd (VO): [in the same manner as the song] ...listen up, here's a story, about a shadow guy who hears dumb songs. And all day and all night and everything is just dumb. Dumb lyrics with a dumb video and a dumb chorus... Todd: ...that no one should ever listen to... Jeffrey Jey: I'm blue, da ba dee da ba die Da ba dee da ba die Da ba dee da ba die Da ba dee da ba die Todd: This is one of the most obvious and most requested one-hit wonders I've ever had for this show. And were it not for the fact that I'm now contractually bound to cover it, I would have continued ignoring this song forever. Todd (VO): I've already said that the late 90's were a glory day for bright, goofy novelties, so much so that they kind of weren't even novelties anymore. They were in the mainstream, and they just seemed to keep piling up, until they climaxed gloriously with Eiffel 65, quite possibly the most annoying of them all. Jeffrey: I'm blue... Todd (VO): Yeah, this song was inescapable. But not like in the real world, I don't think, cause it-it wasn't that huge, but... Todd: I mean, in everyone's collective brain space... Todd (VO): ...it sticks in the head like very few things ever do. Not only because it's incessantly catchy - which, it unfortunately very much is - but also because it's hard to conceive of something this dumb. You may not have liked it... Todd: In fact, you probably didn't like it. Matter of fact, who did like it?! But you couldn't ignore it... Todd (VO): ...and you couldn't forget it. How could something like this even exist? And if their highest peak was something this brain-rottingly inane... Todd: Dear God, what does that mean for their stuff that wasn't as popular? Did those songs not get big because they weren't stupid enough? Or was it because they were somehow stupider? Jeffrey: I have a girlfriend, and she is so blue Todd: Okay, I've gotten to sample music from around the globe during the show, and [pictures of the cover of their "Europop" album...] Eiffel 65, as you can tell by their name, [...and a picture of the French flag near the Eiffel Tower...] brings us to yet another new stop on our international tour of music. [...and the flag from...] Italy! [acoustic guitars play] Ah... Todd: I do know a little about Italian music, but, unfortunately everything I know about the Italian music scene is around... [clip of a Pavarotti opera...] 1890. My knowledge of more recent European music, meanwhile is unfortunately [brief picture of a map that says "YURP" and "warning: here be Eurovision"] kind of mushy and blurred together. I do know that there was... Clip of Raf - "Self Control" Todd (VO): ...this movement called "Italo Disco" in the 80's, [clip of Black Box - "Ride On Time"] and that grew into Italo House music in the 90's. One of which the more prominent members were a group called [cover of single "You Make Me Cry" by...] Bliss Team. Which featured as its lead vocalist, one [picture of aside D.J. Roberto Molinaro...] Jeffrey Jey. Todd: As seen here. Clip of video for "You Make Me Cry" Todd (VO): [chuckles] You can tell this was their first video, right? Jeffrey: You make me cry You make me cry, all the time Todd (VO): They clearly didn't have much of a budget for a music video at the time. But, uh, after this, they went all out. Todd: That's right; they spent all their money on... Video for "Love is Forever" Todd (VO): ...GRAPHICS! Jeffrey: Love is forever Love is forever Love is forever Todd: Does anyone else want to play Myst for some reason? Jeffrey: I got this feeling in my heart I know I just can't stop because... Todd (VO): Oh yeah, yeah yeah. You're probably wondering about the closed captioning going on there? I'm really sorry about that. For some idiot reason, Eiffel 65's label uploaded all their artists' videos to YouTube with subtitles on them. Todd: Because the lyrics are definitely the part of these songs you want to draw attention to. Clip of "Hold On to Love" Jeffrey: Naa Naa Yee he he he na na he na na na he Todd (VO): Yeah, they were a pretty big deal in Italy, and uh, some other countries, and they had a lot of hits. But eventually, Jeffrey Jey and the DJ there decided to split into separate... Todd: ...projects. [Pictures of the trio...] And Jeffrey decided to start a new band with keyboardist, eh...and DJ, who's it. They named themselves... [cover of their Millennium Hits album] Eiffel 65. Which, well is at least an intriguing name. Where'd they come up with that? What's the idea behind it? Were they trying to evoke the sheik image of Paris or the 1960's? Well, as it turns out, "Eiffel" came from a random word generator on a computer. And 65 is a printing error. [His head drops] Todd (VO): Well, with their grand musical vision firmly crafted, the keyboardist came up with a little piano riff and told Jeffrey Jey to come up with some lyrics for it. And Jeffrey, using all his lyrical prowess and a first-grade level command of English... Todd: ...came up with this. Video begins Jeffrey: Yo, listen up, here's the story About a little guy that lives in a blue world And all day and all night and everything he sees Is just blue, like him Todd (VO): It's just... Todd: ...not really a story, per se, is it? Todd (VO): It doesn't really have a beginning, or a middle, or an end. It's, it's more like... Todd: ...a list. Jeffrey: To listen... I'm blue, da ba dee da ba die Da ba dee da ba die Todd (VO): One of the more interesting things I remember about this song is that everyone misheard the chorus. Todd: "I'm blue, I believe I will die... I'm in need of a guy... I got beat up at night..." Clip with interpreted lyrics Jeffrey: I'm blue, da ba dee da ba die (In Aberdeen i'm on diet) Todd (VO): There are a lot of them. I think it's because the guy's autotune and accent are so wonky, but also because the human brain refuses to accept that this could really be as stupid as it is. Jeffrey: I have a blue house with a blue window Todd (VO): Surely, there had to be more to this song than a never-ending list of monochromatic objects wrapped around a gibberish chorus. Todd: Nope! That's it. Todd (VO): That's literally all it is. A bunch of nonsense syllables, and a list of blue things. Jeffrey: Blue are the streets and all the trees are, too I have a girlfriend, and she is so blue Todd (VO): [pictures of a house completely covered in blue...] His house is blue. [...and Blue from Blue's Clues...] His dog is blue. [...and a clip from a movie] His boy is blue. Clip from "Old School" Will Ferrell: You're my boy, Blue! Todd (VO): [picture of a Chicken Cordon Bleu] His chicken cordon is blue. Todd: Everything is just...blue. Jeffrey: I'm blue, da ba dee da ba die Todd (VO): Like I said, this was the horrible end product of a trend towards increasing stupidity in pop music. We didn't have anything to worry about in 1999, so, every brainless happy song that came along got big. And this was the most brainless and happiest. Todd: Even though it's actually about being sad! Jeffrey: Blue are the feelings that live inside me Todd (VO): Or at least, I assume that's what it's about. There's no reason to write a song like this unless you understand that the word "blue" is a synonym for sad. And this guy's one color world is supposed to be a reflection of his sadness. He sees a red door and he wants to paint it blue. You're supposed to feel bad for this little, poor, blue guy. Although I don't exactly know what he's sad about. Jeffrey: I have a girlfriend, and she is so blue Blue is my Corvette, it's standing outside Todd: You have a girlfriend and a Corvette. Sounds like you're doing okay. Todd (VO): Okay, maybe his Corvette is expensive, and useless, and he doesn't drive it, and maybe his girlfriend can be more happy. Whatever. He's blue. But they just hammer that one word into the ground that it doesn't even register about being emotions anymore. It's just literal blueness. Blue, blue, blue, blue. Jeffrey: Blue, da ba dee... Todd (VO): To drive that point home, we have the video, which actually features a little CGI alien guy who's actually colored blue. And considering how much less advanced computer graphics were 15 years ago, I'm impressed that they still managed to create an alien as butt-ugly as that one. I just hate looking at him. Todd: Sure, this CGI looks cheap now, but this was made for the time, right? No, no it was not. Todd (VO): I was there, it looked lame then, too. I've seen better graphics in local car dealership commercials. Todd: But like I said, it sticks in the brain. Todd (VO): Sometimes, songs get big just because it's too idiotic not to. The second I heard it, I knew I was gonna keep hearing it. I wouldn't be surprised if [brief clip of "Scream and Shout" by...] will.i.am's entire career was inspired by this one song. Todd: Well...who wants to hear some more Eiffel 65? Gather around, everybody! Video for "Move Your Body" Jeffrey: Work out your mind, mind Work out your body, move your mind Todd (VO): Once again, this is actually one of those failed follow-ups that didn't actually fail at all. It was a top 10 hit in nine countries. In fact, the United States remained the only place where Eiffel 65 remained a one-hit wonder. Todd: Why? Because we live in the... Clip of fireworks forming the US flag. Todd (VO); ...greatest country on earth! God bless the USA! Todd gives a salute before going back to the video. Todd (VO): Although this is not actually the worst thing ever I guess. Jeffrey: Move your body, Every everybody. Todd (VO): Even though I've heard this somewhere before. At the very least it's not as jerky and spastic as [Clip of Calvin Harris - "Feel So Close"] dance music nowadays like Calvin Harris. Todd: As a reminder, I don't like Calvin Harris very much. Todd (VO): And move your body thats a good message for them. It's on their level let's say. No more trying to over think it with, you know, metaphors or stories. Just, move your body. Todd: Good, good good good. Todd (VO): But the fact that their still dragging along those ugly ReBoot reject aliens is a mark against it. I think they think any of us actually care about the plots in their videos. I, I don't care if Eiffel 65 save the girl or whatever. Todd: Also the fact that Jeffery Jay still sounds like that is not good. Jeffrey: Just move your body. Move your mind, move your mind... Todd (VO): Eiffel 65 were early adopters of auto-tune but it didn't really help that much. As far as Italian singers go he wasn't no Bochelli you understand. Todd: Also in a... Video for "Too Much of Heaven" Todd (VO): ...rapidly decreasing number of countries, they managed, a third hit. "Too Much of Heaven". Jeffrey: Too much of Heaven, can bring you underground. Heaven, (Yeeaah) can always turn around. Todd (VO): Guys, I think Eiffel 65 think they're a boy band. Matter of fact, that nasal whine he's doing, does it, does it remind anyone... Todd: ...a little of a... Video for N*Sync - It's Gonna Be Me N*Sync: Guess what? It's gonna be may. Todd: Now you might be asking, wait, wait a minute? Todd (VO): What happened to the little alien guy? How can you make an Eiffel 65 video without the little alien guy? Well, there's a reason he's not in the video. Todd: He went solo! Video for Zorotl - I wanna be Zorotl: I wanna be, be, be, far away, ay, ay, so I can be, be, be There at home. Todd (VO): Yes. The little alien guy got his own music video. His name, for the record, is Zorotl. He is a Tukonian scientist from Tukon4 and flies the starship ADISAK. Todd: I found all this out on... Screenshot of the website, www.zorotl.com Todd (VO): ...Zorotl.com, which still exists in all it's 15 year old web design glory. "Read Zorotl's entire history!, Meet his crew!, Check out exclusive pictures of his starship!" and so on. Todd: I'm just sad it doesn't have a hit counter and a guestbook at the bottom. Zorotl: I wanna be, be, be, far away, ay, ay, so I can be, be, be There at home. Video for "Lucky (In My Life)" Jeffrey: I've been lucky in my life. Todd (VO): Four more albums, mostly only successful in Italy. Which would make sense seeing as their final album was only in Italian. Todd: Well, let's check out some of their non-charting hits. Video for "80's Stars" Todd (VO): Man, (Image of...) "Daikatana" was even worse than I'd heard. And considering how many of their videos looked liked bad video games, I did want to call attention to one other song they did that was actually about video games. Todd: It was called, "My Console", and it's all about their favourite Playstation games. Video for "My Console" Jeffrey: Tekken 3, Metal Gear Solid Resident Evil, Gran Turismo Todd (VO): I would like this song more if I had, ever played any of those games but uh, I didn't have a Playstation, I had an N64. Todd: (scoffs) Who needs Metal Gear or, Resident Evil? I was busy playing (Images of) Glover, and Quest 64. Oh, oh, check this out: they stop in the middle of the song, to pretend to play "Tekken". [The part of the video plays out where Jeffery Jay pretends to fight in Tekken. This is followed by an actual clip of the game.] Todd: Anyway the DJ went solo in 2005... Todd (VO): ...the other two guys formed a new group, Bloom 06, while the DJ found some success solo. Todd: Here's a song that was a tiny bit popular on the dance charts that he had. Video for Gabry Ponte and Sophia Del Carmen ft. Pitbull - "Beat On My Drum" Pitbull: I feel like you know what to do behind closed doors... Todd: Is that Pitbull? Sophia: ...beat on my drum. Pitbull: Hot damn! Here we go again... Todd (VO): That is definitely the voice, of Pitbull. Jesus Christ, literally everyone has collaborated with Pitbull haven't they? Footage of a recent Eiffel 65 concert Todd (VO): Eiffel 65 reformed in 2012 and, they said they're producing another album. So far it hasn't arrived, but they've toured pretty constantly over the past few years so... Todd: ...if you're still wanna see Eiffel 65, now's your chance. Jeffrey: I'm Blue, da ba dee da ba die... Todd (VO): I'm not gonna say I hate Eiffel 65; this is... not a band to be angry about. But I certainly can't think of anything I like about them. There are few songs as brainless and annoying as "Blue (Da Ba Dee)". And to me, most of the rest of their songs just sounded like one of those filler songs on Dance Dance Revolution, complete with shitty screen saver video. That said, unlike many dance acts, they uh, they definitely carved out their own identity. You weren't gonna mistake Eiffel 65 for anyone else. Todd: And if you are more amused by unembarrassed stupidity than I am, maybe you could find something to like about them but personally, I find the name of their only hit fitting 'cause Eiffel 65, blew. Thank you. Jeffrey: ...da ba dee da ba die Inside and outside. Video ends
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