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| - It’s nice that I’ve got time to ponder this; I’m on autopilot this morning, pitching ‘The next iPod’ to Ian and Graham, two drones from marketing. Apparently they’re looking for something; ‘Different, but the same.’ Calling them drones might sound unpleasant, but the people in that department do actually behave like ants. They communicate with each other through taps, antennae and smell. I often wonder if any of them could lift two and a half times their own body weight. I'd observe them to find out, but I'd have to spend time around them, and I can't waste time on insects, or 'workers' from marketing. They're not people, they’re not even artists. As I've always said you’re not really creative if you wear a tie.
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| abstract
| - It’s nice that I’ve got time to ponder this; I’m on autopilot this morning, pitching ‘The next iPod’ to Ian and Graham, two drones from marketing. Apparently they’re looking for something; ‘Different, but the same.’ Calling them drones might sound unpleasant, but the people in that department do actually behave like ants. They communicate with each other through taps, antennae and smell. I often wonder if any of them could lift two and a half times their own body weight. I'd observe them to find out, but I'd have to spend time around them, and I can't waste time on insects, or 'workers' from marketing. They're not people, they’re not even artists. As I've always said you’re not really creative if you wear a tie. Better check I’m still spouting the same well rehearsed noises; "Today I’d like to show you our latest prototype. We think it’ll be a huge success." I’m glad 'we' doesn’t mean 'me'. Insert cheerful grin here, mouse click, next slide. Why do I never get the interesting projects? Today Dave Sanders gets to talk about robots, while I get to talk to robots; is that fair? I've been talking to robots for so long now that I'm beginning to feel like one myself. It's getting frightening, I'm beginning to have strange robotic urges. I was watching Star Wars recently, when I was suddenly very taken by the sight of C3PO's sleek ankles. That's what Dave Sanders and his office politics have done to my mind. That man is the Nixon of I.T. Would it really be wrong to kill Nixon? I rather think it's best not to dwell on that, people who dwell on things end up shooting them, then themselves. It’s better to keep my mind occupied in another, friendlier way. I might stare at Ian with a creepy intensity next time I change slides, and slowly begin to dribble. I wonder how he’ll react. The people in that lift before were definitely scared. Ian might think I’m having a stroke. That would be fun, fifteen seconds of hell for him equals twenty minutes of stifled giggles for me. Time for another mouse click. Lionel came up with the Swiss army thing; it’s just like him to bring the conversation round to knives. We’re doing a sort of double act this morning, that’s how I glamorized it in my mind. Really though, it’s babysitting, as we can’t trust Lionel to speak to people without supervision, not with his macabre tendencies. Those things are just not good for PR. Neither is his strange resemblance to Michael Howard, a man with the face of a paedophile and the voice of a Bond villain. Our company wants to project an image and Bond villainy is not it. "Say you’re walking down the street, and you notice a wrinkle. You dial 999 on this. A small cannon emerges, its camera sees the deformity, and it fires a Botox syringe at your head. Voila! the problem is gone. There's even a small mushroom cloud." The babble seems to be going down well, encouraging blinking patterns from Graham there. Time, I think, for a little daydream. They’re paying me for this, idiots. Despite Vanderbilt’s threats about microchips and chloroform, I’m pretty sure they can’t tell what I’m thinking, this is my train of thought and they don’t have a ticket.
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