| abstract
| - It must first be noted that: 1.
* At the muscular/anal stage, shame develops with the child’s self-consciousness. 2.
* Doubt has to do with having a front and back – a lack of understanding of rules. 3.
* Leftover doubt may/will become paranoia. 4.
* This being true, at a later stage, the emotion of guilt is new and confusing to the child. Therefore we conclude, sir, that you are guilty and shameful, but not ashamed of your guilt. Chiastic as that may be, you are also ‘inferior’. It is also proposed that you are incapable of commitments and have lost the hope of industrious associations. Ultimately, this leaves you isolated and lacking the promise of a career. Experiment 1: An experiment was carried out to determine the depth of your depression. First, the last instalment of your writings were placed in a 500ml beaker. Next, a Bunsen burner was lit. Finally, the beaker was tipped over the naked flame. The findings were not deemed definitive enough and the experiment was continuously repeated using any available paper penned by your hand until only the electronic copies remained (later a new experiment was devised concerning these documents and a claw hammer). This line of inquiry leads us inexorably to the question, “What kind of life have you lived?” The outcome is unlikely to be positive, indeed, all words of kindness have been systematically removed from the dictionary using a craft knife (serrated). Next we are drawn to your statement, “For all things whereas neither having been then, to natives must the cage look appear to have been freedom once.” Should that not have read, “To the natives a cage looks like prison”, which clearly points out your failings as a grammatician. Experiment 2: An experiment was carried out to determine that Professor Wainwright is a part of the whole, despite his comments re natives. First, one of the evil Professor’s victims was given a slice of tea bread. Then, a buttered knife was placed in his hands. Next, he was asked to perform an action which included both items. The native licked the butter off the knife and crushed the tea bread into a paste so he could smear it on the knife. Conclusions were drawn: 1.
* The knife/tea bread/butter complex was understood to mean that rather than use the traditional and western ’subject, verb, object’ syntax the native preferred a ‘conjunctive, gerund and reversed pro-drop parameter’ framework. 2.
* ‘Knives’ is fear of the white man 3.
* Fear of the white man reveals underlying guilt 4.
* Underlying guilt clearly points to defiance of paternal authority 5.
* Defiance of paternal authority is due to a consciously defective anal mechanism 6.
* A consciously defective anal mechanism leads directly to pleasure 7.
* Pleasure = Paranoia It is only left to set out the conclusive discoveries that have been made. Children that have been left to cry themselves to sleep (as you yourself advocate) lack self-awareness and have only the last vestiges of confidence in their actions and must rely wholly on the emotional support of a dominant companion. We posit that your dominant companion might demand certain things from you which we dare not investigate further, needless to say you are dangerous to animals, tree structures and nested stacks. Yours in righteous moral rectitude, Carl M. Penrose MD MSc BMus Head of Cognitive Behavioural Sciences (CBS) University of Huddershill
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