abstract
| - The first Post Office was a small cardboard box behind Buckingham Palace. However, recent investment by the government means that it has been upgraded to a green (for environmental purposes) wheely bin. They can now also afford a guard to keep Tramps from raiding it. The remaining money was spent on teaching the Queen and her minions employees how to read and write (this helped the deliverance of mail become more efficient, i.e. Carl, the 6ft 7" body builder, would now no longer receive Janet's tap dancing magazine). Planes were invented by the Queen to help deliver post to all parts of the world. These planes are also used in the frequent postal strikes. Royal mail planes usually have between 2 or 3 darts players to help with the dropping of letters into letter boxes from high in the air. They usually fold these into dart-shapes and throw them, with precision, into into the letter boxes. For things such as parcels, they attach mini parachutes to them and drop them down chimneys. This poses a problem in windy areas (parcels usual miss) or if someone has a fire in the fireplace. However, Royal mail claim no responsibility for this and say "If you really wanted your packages delivered safely and quickly, then do it yourself. We're not your mother you know!" The internet also plays a part. Many people complain about the long delivery times for letters, so the queen developed a new thing called, "R-mail" (The "R" standing for royal). This involves putting very small postmen into the CD-drive and forwarding them to other people. Not surprisingly, this idea has caught on fast, with as many as 2 R-mails sent every year!
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