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| - Bolognius Maximus Dib: You know, anyone who watches you obsessively every day would notice that you never actually eat any of the food. Why is that, Zim? Don't like the taste, or is it something more? Dib: A weakness? Zim: Don't be ridiculous! Zim: I have already stuffed my normal human belly so full of delicious human FILTH that I could not eat another bite. Dib: Bologna! Zim: The meat! The meat! The horrible meat! Ms. Bitters: You're late, Dib! This is the third time this week. Dib: Sorry, Ms. Bitters. I was in the biology room trying to get pictures of that vampire gerbil in action. Ms. Bitters: That excuse is getting old! Sit down! Dib: Are you still mad about that thing with the sandwich? Brian: Hey, Bologna-Boy! Zita: You got bologna on his head! Zim: That's it, Dib. Laugh now, yes. Laugh and frolic in your vile meats of evil.. Meats of evil! Zim: But know that vengeance shall be mine! Oh, how it will be mine! Dib: Ow! Dib: This is your vengeance, Zim? A tack? That's pathetic! Even for you! Ms. Bitters: Class, today's horrible lecture is about something horrible. Open your horrible textbooks to page 2038. Zim: Beautiful. If Dib's cellular reaction is the same as it is for these test cells, then my vengeance will truly be complete. Sleep well this night, miserable human. Zim's voice: For it will be the last peaceful sleep you will ever know. Dib: They try and say it's just a regular mountain range on the Martian surface, and it's just a trick of the light, but come on! It is so a monkey face. Dib: Go away! Gaz: Looks like you finally found some friends who actually wanna be around you. Dib: Quit it! Dib: Hey... I'm delicious! Dib: Gaz! Taste me! I'm delicious! Ms. Bitters: Late again, Dib! And what is it this time? Vampire babies or bigfoot mailmen? Dib: Dogs... chasing me... So many dogs! Zita: Hey... Zita: What's that nasty sandwichy smell? Class: Ew... Sara: I guess it's- Sara gags and holds her mouth) -Dib! Carl: Dude. Dude! Carl: I left my underwear on for a month once and it kinda smelled like he does! Zim: Who's the joke on now, Dib? I told you you'd suffer my revenge and now look at you! Dib: What? Your mind-controlling slobbery dogs now? Real scary, space boy. A quick shower and your vengeance just washes right off. Off-screen Kid: Aw man! I'm gonna throw up! Sara: The stink! The stink! Ms. Bitters: Silence! If I have to put up with the awesome force of your collective child stench every day, then so shall you all! Dib: What... is that smell? Dib: So familiar! Ms. Bitters: The Skool has lost its funding for textbooks, so you've all been given wildlife survival manuals. Today you will be quizzed on how to skin a moose! The Letter M: Ms. Bitters, I think there's a skinned moose somewhere in the class! Ms. Bitters: Dib! Ms. Bitters: You stink! Go to the bathroom and roll around in the toilet until you smell better! Dib: But I'll smell like the toilet! Ms. Bitters: Exactly. Dib: But... Willy was the last one to use it! Ms. Bitters: Now! Zim: Oh yeah, Dib? Uh, my vengeance is now complete. Dib: Nope... Still delicious! No one should be this delicious! What's going on!?! Dib: Zim! Dib: Computer, analyze. Run a chemical check. Is there any unusual foreign substance on the tack? Computer: Analysis done. Unknown substance detected. Dib: And my skin sample, does it contain the same substance? Computer: Yes. Substance detected in Dib cells. Dib: So, a foreign DNA sequence! And Zim got it inside me by making me sit on that tack! Computer, where did this DNA originate from? Computer: Analyzing... Dib: Bologna! Zim has introduced bologna DNA into my body!?! Computer, have I absorbed the bologna? Computer: No. Subject Dib has been fused with subject Bologna. Dib: Noooooooooooooo!!! In the stall next to the one Dib is in, Billy Slunchy is pressed up against the wall in fear. Billy wets his pants. Cut to Ms. Bitters' class. Ms. Bitters holds the wildlife manual and has it open to a page showing a picture of a moose. Zim waves his arms. Ms. Bitters: Zim? Zim: Is it a fair fight? Is this moose creature wielding any sort of projectile weapons? Ms. Bitters: No. No it's not. Kids: Ewww... Dib: I know what you've done, Zim, and it's not funny! Zim: I don't know what you're talking about. Get away from me, sandwich boy! Dib: The cure! Make it stop, Zim! Make this thing you've done to me stop! Zim: There is no cure! And I'll never make it stop! You might as well resign yourself to your meaty fate! I told you you would forever rue the day you messed with Zim! Now, begin your ruing! Zim: I'll just sit here and... watch. Dib: Nooooooooo! Dib: I know all about your little trick, Zim. I must admit, it's a pretty good joke. I... I think it deserves some praise. Zim: Finally, the day has come. It's about time you acknowledged me as the superior being I so am. It will make my victory even sweeter to know that- Dib: Joke's on you, Zim! Now you have to find a cure for the bologna thing! Zim: Huh? Zim: Fool! You think I would share the cure with you? I'll find a cure and keep it all to myself and then watch you transform more and more into what you really are deep down in your heart! Dib: Deep down I'm bologna? Zim: Yes. Dib: That's just dumb. Zim: Dumb like a moose, Dib. Dumb like a moose! Dib: Hey wait! The cure! Zim: No! The reaction is much quicker inside of me! It's worse than I imagined! Computer, quickly engineer a serum to reverse the effects of the mutagine! Computer: Command voice not recognized. Intruder present. Zim: Intruder?! I am Zim!! Run a scan to verify that I am Zim! Computer: Bio scan verification complete. Intruder is Bologna. Zim: The dogs! After my juicy meat body of bologna meat! Dib: Zim! What are you doing here? Zim: My base, my labs, they don't think I'm really me! The transformation is so bad it sees me as a different creature now! I must use your labs! Dib: You want to use my labs? Zim: It's the only way! I must find the cure! Quickly, the dogs! Listen to them! Zim: You know, it would benefit you as well. Dib: Just this once... We work together! Dib: Mortal enemies working together for the common goal! Zim: Be quiet! Zim: Finally! I think we've done it! Dib: Oh, you rotten alien monster! Zim: This inferior equipment! Irken babies play with more advanced toys! Dib: Hey! We wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for your stupid evil! This is all your fault! Dib: Now what, Zim? What's your next plan? Zim: Let's run screaming. Dib: You jerk.
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