Contents
| - :[Joe introduces Quagmire as roastmaster]
:Quagmire: Thanks you, thank you, thank you very mush. Joe, I'd tell you to take your seat, but I'd be about fifteen years too late.
----
:Quagmire: Well first off, Peter's always been special. In high school, he didn't play sports, but he did wear a helmet.
----
:Quagmire: But I gotta say the worst part about being Peter's friend is knowing that eventually you're gonna have to be the fatass' pallbearer. Lift with the legs, right fellas?
----
:Carter: As Lois' father, I hate the thought of her having sex with Peter.
:Lois: [offscreen] And so do I!
----
:Carl: I asked Peter what he got on his SATs. He said "Mayonnaise."
----
:Becca: [about Lois] That voice! Ugh.
----
:Jamie: Your wife is such a pig.
:Peter: Oh I don't know about that, Jamie. Pigs eat slop; Lois only cooks it.
----
:Peter: Our cycles have lined up; mine's from wiping too hard.
----
:Jamie: I guess Peter made it to the bathroom 'cause I can't feel him walking anymore!
:Becca: I know! Fe fi fo fum! Right?
----
:Peter: Lois, you were right; those women were talking about me.
:Lois: Oh, dear. What did they say?
:Peter: I don't even remember. There was such a long cutaway, but I know it was really mean.
----
:Jerome: Peter,you're loud, you can't hold down a job and your blood pressure's high. If ya didn't have such a damn tiny ding a ling, you could be a black guy!
----
:Cleveland: Peter's got a small penis, but hey! Nuthin' grows in the shade!
|