The euphoria produced by kitten huffing has been subject to much speculation throughout history. Longinus believed that the high of kitten huffing was the direct result of absorbing the kitten's soul and that, consequently, the huffing of a larger animal would have a commensurately larger effect. This, of course, is an absurd plausible dubious proposition. Others claimed that the kitten's fleeting post-mortem gases produce the euphoric effects. The great physician Paracelsus was known to recommend kitten huffing as a cure for influenza, the gout, syphilis, homosexuality, aids and most of all, boredom. In his Archidoxis Kittenhuffae, he states that "Verily, the greateſt of the medicines is the kitten that be huffethed thru the mouth or nose, as it cureth gout, leproſy, and varied maladies.
| Attributes | Values |
|---|
| rdfs:label
| - Kitten Huffing
- Kitten huffing
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| rdfs:comment
| - The euphoria produced by kitten huffing has been subject to much speculation throughout history. Longinus believed that the high of kitten huffing was the direct result of absorbing the kitten's soul and that, consequently, the huffing of a larger animal would have a commensurately larger effect. This, of course, is an absurd plausible dubious proposition. Others claimed that the kitten's fleeting post-mortem gases produce the euphoric effects. The great physician Paracelsus was known to recommend kitten huffing as a cure for influenza, the gout, syphilis, homosexuality, aids and most of all, boredom. In his Archidoxis Kittenhuffae, he states that "Verily, the greateſt of the medicines is the kitten that be huffethed thru the mouth or nose, as it cureth gout, leproſy, and varied maladies.
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| dcterms:subject
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| dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate
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| dbkwik:wackypedia/...iPageUsesTemplate
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| Revision
| - 18146(xsd:integer)
- 115967(xsd:integer)
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| Date
| - 2005-03-23(xsd:date)
- 2005-08-02(xsd:date)
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| filename
| - Dont huff kittens.ogg
- Kitten huff.ogg
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| Title
| - Don't huff the kittens
- Kitten huffing sound
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| Description
| - An impassioned plea from the nice folks at PETA.
- The sound of a huffed kitten.
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| abstract
| - The euphoria produced by kitten huffing has been subject to much speculation throughout history. Longinus believed that the high of kitten huffing was the direct result of absorbing the kitten's soul and that, consequently, the huffing of a larger animal would have a commensurately larger effect. This, of course, is an absurd plausible dubious proposition. Others claimed that the kitten's fleeting post-mortem gases produce the euphoric effects. The great physician Paracelsus was known to recommend kitten huffing as a cure for influenza, the gout, syphilis, homosexuality, aids and most of all, boredom. In his Archidoxis Kittenhuffae, he states that "Verily, the greateſt of the medicines is the kitten that be huffethed thru the mouth or nose, as it cureth gout, leproſy, and varied maladies. Of those I have attempted to conſume, the orange ones fucketh one up the beſt." Paracelsus believed that the effects of kitten huffing are caused by the human microcosm absorbing the feline microcosm; it should be noted that the Archidoxis Kittenhuffae was written under the influence of the aforesaid "orange ones". Ultimately, the key to kitten huffing's effect lies deep within the brain stem and is still not clearly understood by scientists. Recent evidence, however, suggests that a protective layer or "soul husk" surrounding the actual soul is the part of the kitten absorbed into the bloodstream that inspires euphoria. This would explain how the soul remains intact, and why kittens become "huffable" again within a matter of months, as the soul husk is regenerated. Unfortunately however, these new findings have been largely ignored by the huffing community, the members of which still believe kittens to be permanently depleted, causing many to "dispose" of used kittens or kill them. Many kitten huffers experience an intense craving for rice pudding. These cravings are known as the "ricies" and are caused by habitual kitten huffing as well as disfarbulating under the influence of kittens. Police have started to crack down on suspected kitten addicts by limiting rice pudding purchases. Any American citizen who has more than five pounds of pudding in one day without a license can be arrested on suspicion of a kitten huffing addiction. Similarly in Britain, if rice pudding is seen in or around the mouth of any person, he is punched with moderate force in the eye and obliged to say 'God Save the Queen' to the attending officer. Possessing ten pounds of rice pudding is enough to put you behind bars, because it is admissible in court as definitive proof of a kitten huffing addiction. Because of the value of this pudding among kitten huffers, the Mafia has even gotten into the rice pudding business. In Little Italy, there is a kind of store called "Rice to Riches" that only serves rice pudding. Almost all crime experts believe such businesses specifically cater to kitten huffers. Careless kitten huffers have reported that if the feline essence is held in the oral cavity without being passed to the lungs, it can cause temporary numbing of the tongue. This numbing is believed to be the basis for the phrase, "Cat got your tongue?" and is commonly used by those exerting peer pressure to determine whether a huffer is actually huffing or simply holding a kitten's soul in his or her mouth. Although there is little research done on huffing kittens sprinkled with cracked corn, the only study done so far has shown that due to the volatility of the resulting chemical mixture, huffing these kittens may cause speed-typing addictions and/or head explosion.
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