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| - TV Announcer: From the PFT studio in marginally attractive downtown Danville, animated live in front of a studio audience, it's the Phineas and Ferb Musical Cliptastic Countdown! And now, our hosts, from opposite ends of the moral, ethical and philosophical spectrum, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Major Francis Monogram! Major Monogram: Hello Danville! Doofenshmirtz: Yes, we're taking a break from our usual hostili—hold on, I've gotta go back one. Your first name is Frances? Major Monogram: Yes. Spelled with an i. Doofenshmirtz: "Spelled with an i? Wouldn't that be "Frinces?" Major Monogram: No, F-R-A-N-C-I-S. It's the masculine spelling. Doofenshmirtz: Francis? Major Monogram: Yes. Anyway, we're not here to discuss my name. We're here because kids all over the world logged on to vote for their favorite Phineas and Ferb music videos. And we're countin' 'em down! Starting with number 10. Are ya ready, Dr. D? Doofenshmirtz: Fran, Frances, Franny. Yes, very macho. Major Monogram: You see, this is why I just go by "Major". ♪ You gotta bring your Betty Bongos ♪ ♪ and bring your Betty bass Guitar ♪ ♪ and with the Betty back beat ♪ ♪ you'll go Betty Betty far ♪ ♪ So drop your boring baggage ♪ ♪ and come with Missy, Tink and Crash ♪ ♪ There's a Betty (There's a Betty) Bandwagon ♪ ♪ Going to a Betty bash (Going to a Betty bash)! ♪ ♪ Get ready for the Bettys, ready for the Bettys ♪ ♪ Get ready for the Bettys, ready for the Bettys ♪ ♪ (Ready for the Bettys) ♪ ♪ Get ready for the Bettys, ready for the Bettys ♪ ♪ It's the best thing you can do! (Best thing you can do!) ♪ ♪ Get ready for the Bettys 'cause the Bettys are ready for you! ♪ Major Monogram: So how did you like that one D-man? Doofenshmirtz: Too loud. Kids today with their rock and roll. Major Monogram: Well, here's a deaf jam that's really kicking it old school. Doofenshmirtz: You know that street lingo thing? You can't really pull that off. Major Monogram: Oh, roll number nine. Doofenshmirtz: Just telling you as a friend! ♪ I was just a lonely girl ♪ ♪ looking for a little fun ♪ ♪ though without a friend in the world ♪ ♪ I was forced to find a new one ♪ ♪ Now I'm the Queen of Mars ♪ ♪ I was invisible on Earth ♪ ♪ It only took a magic portal to Mars ♪ ♪ to give me some self-worth ♪ ♪ You put a crown on my head and ♪ ♪ you all seem to worship me ♪ ♪ You don't understand a word I've said ♪ ♪ but you treat me like royalty ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm the Queen of Mars ♪ ♪ I was invisible on Earth ♪ ♪ It only took a magic portal to Mars ♪ ♪ To give me some self-worth ♪ (Shows Major Monogram with Cindy) Major Monogram: I'm standing here with Cindy, an animated member of our studio audience. Irving: (pushes Cindy aside) Phineas and Ferb rock! Wooooo! Major Monogram: Okay then, let's throw it over to my partner in crime. Not that I would perpetrate a crime with him of course, I'd never... (at Carl) Carl! Who wrote these cue cards? Carl: Agent M, sir. (Camera pans to Agent M, who's typing on a typewriter) Doofenshmirtz: What's that all about? He's using a typewriter. When was the last time you saw someone using a typewriter? What is this, 1987? Major Monogram: Well... Doofenshmirtz: You realize that most of the kids watching this show have never even seen a typewriter, right? Major Monogram: We're on a budget. Doofenshmirtz: So you went to an antique store... Major Monogram: Moving on. Number eight; roll tape! Doofenshmirtz: Oh, so you got tape, you're not just using film, or-or hand shadows... (Song #8: Ain't Got Rhythm) Phineas: ♪ So, you're saying that you don't have rhythm ♪ ♪ but listen what you're doing right there ♪ ♪ With that stamp and a book ♪ ♪ you got a real nice look ♪ ♪ Sounds to me like you've got ♪ ♪ rhythm to spare ♪ Sherman "Swampy": ♪ I have no idea what you're talking about ♪ ♪ I have as much rhythm as that chair ♪ ♪ What happened to me was a tragedy ♪ ♪ but I don't have to be a millionaire ♪ ♪ Look, I got a sweet deal going on here ♪ ♪ I got all the books that I can read ♪ ♪ All these sweet old ladies and this carpet from the 80's ♪ ♪ What more could a librarian need? ♪ Swampy: ♪ Besides, I ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ No, I ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ Said I ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ I ain't got rhythm ♪ Phineas: ♪ You're kidding me right, y-you're kidding me ♪ ♪ Don't you see what you were doing right then? ♪ ♪ That's a wicked groove you were starting to move ♪ ♪ Mister, you've got rhythm times ten ♪ Swampy: ♪ I think perhaps that you're not listening ♪ ♪ I find it tedious to repeat ♪ ♪ It's no big crime, ♪ ♪ I just can't keep time ♪ ♪ I'm telling you I lost the beat ♪ ♪ I don't need my face on t-shirts ♪ ♪ Or hit a power-chord guitar ♪ ♪ They were screaming my name ♪ ♪ I guess it's a shame ♪ ♪ But I don't need to be a rock star ♪ ♪ Besides, I ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ No, I ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ Said I ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ I ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ I ain't got rhythm ♪ Phineas: ♪ Sounds like rhythm to me ♪ Swampy: ♪ No, I ain't got rhythm ♪ Phineas: ♪ Seems like they all agree ♪ Swampy: ♪ Said I ain't got rhythm ♪ Phineas: ♪ But you're laying down some funky syncopation! ♪ Swampy: ♪ I ain't got rhythm ♪ Phineas: ♪ But you got that beat ♪ Swampy: ♪ No, I ain't got rhythm ♪ Phineas: ♪ Look at them, they're stomping their feet ♪ Swampy: ♪ Said I ain't got rhythm ♪ Phineas: ♪ It's time for you to rock a brand new generation ♪ Library patrons: ♪ Brand new generation ♪ Phineas and Swampy: ♪ Gonna rock a brand new generation ♪ Swampy: ♪ Because I ain't got rhythm! ♪ Woman: Ugh! Would you just go join the band? Library patrons: ♪ Ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ Ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ Ain't got rhythm ♪ ♪ Ain't got rhythm ♪ Doofenshmitz: Okay, so I figured I couldn't come here empty-handed, so I brought a little something for all of us to enjoy! Behold, the Music Video Clip-inator! (Crowd oohs) Doofenshmirtz: You see, when I was a small boy, my parents would never let me watch music videos... Major Monogram: No no no! We don't have time for an emotionally scarring back-story. Doofenshmirtz: Well, maybe I should give you an emotionally scarring front-story! (Doofenshmirtz walks off) Major Monogram: Okay, that doesn't even make any sense. (Camera pans out to show Doofenshmirtz in a monster truck) Doofenshmirtz: It doesn't have to, I got a monster truck! Wooohooo! (Drives off, Monogram stares for a second) Major Monogram: Video number- (Doofenshmirtz drives past, cutting him off) Doofenshmirtz: Number 7! Major Monogram: (wincing in pain) That was my foot! (Song #7: I Love You Mom) Candace: ♪ Mom, it's your birthday ♪ ♪ Thanks for all the care and love you give ♪ Phineas: Nice song, sis. Ferb: (Ding) Candace: ♪ Not to mention the meals ♪ ♪ And times I get kind of nervous ♪ Phineas: Come on! Candace: ♪ And forget to tell you how I feel ♪ Boys: ♪ (Shoo-be-doo, shoo-be-doo) ♪ Candace: ♪ I'm a little high-strung ♪ ♪ It's just because I'm young ♪ ♪ Mom, I adore ya ♪ ♪ And I'll do anything for ya ♪ ♪ Although my brothers make me frantic ♪ ♪ With every single crazy antic ♪ ♪ And when I'm bouncin' off the walls ♪ ♪ You're the one who stays calm ♪ Boys: ♪ (You're the one who stays calm) ♪ Candace: ♪ Because you love me for who I am ♪ ♪ I'll always love you, Mom ♪ ♪ (Ooh) ♪ (Crowd applauding) Doofenshmirtz: What Francis doesn't know is that this isn't just a Music Video Clip-inator, it's really a Music Video Mind-Control-inator! AHAHAHAHAHAHA- (Notices crowd, maniacal music stops abruptly) Oh... I didn't say Mind-Control-inator, I said... Mimes control my gators! See, look over there! (Pan out to see two mimes performing in front of two alligators) And you thought I was making it up! Now, onto video number 6! Candace: ♪ Those boys are always up to something ♪ ♪ And it's bringing me to tears ♪ ♪ 'Cause just before you get home ♪ ♪ It always just magically disappears ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil! ♪ ♪ But before you get home they somehow always clean up the mess ♪ Candace: ♪ Those boys are evil! ♪ Let me spell it out for you, Mom: ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪ ♪ They built a roller coaster ♪ ♪ And a beach in the backyard ♪ ♪ Drove cattle through the city ♪ ♪ And messed up the boulevard ♪ ♪ They took me back in time ♪ ♪ When we went to that museum ♪ ♪ They built 50-foot tree house robots ♪ ♪ But still you didn't see them ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil ♪ ♪ Their crazy shenanigans cause me all kinds of distress ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil ♪ ♪ Sing it with me! ♪ ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪ ♪ I know you think they're saints ♪ ♪ But Mom, I'm here to tell ♪ ♪ Those B-O-Y-S, they're just E-V-I-L ♪ ♪Those boys are evil ♪ ♪They're making me feel like my head's in a hydraulic press ♪ ♪ And that don't feel too good! ♪ ♪ Those boys are evil ♪ Everybody! Women: ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪ Candace: That's what I'm talking about! Women: ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪ Candace: ♪ That's right those boys are ♪ ♪ Evil little boys! ♪ Major Monogram: That was stupid fresh!! I'm making that one my ringtone for sure! And right now, I've got a surprise for all who have youngsters, a special guest who's got his own death theme song. Audience members: ♪ Doo-bee doo-bee doo-bah, doo-bee doo-bee doo-bah! ♪ Major Monogram: That's right, it's P to the P, P-squared, or as I like to call him, Agent P! ♪ Doo-bee doo-bee doo-bah- ♪ (Perry jumps through the window) ♪ -Perry! ♪ (Cut to Flynn-Fletcher backyard, Phineas and Ferb are working on a project) Phineas: Hey, where's Perry? Ferb: He's doing a special guest appearance on a music video clip show. Phineas: Hmm. Well, good for him. (Cut back to studio) Major Monogram: So, Agent P, what are your thoughts on the videos we've seen tonight? (Perry chatters) Major Monogram: Well, thanks for coming. (Perry jumps back through the window; crowd laughs) Major Monogram: And I think that sets up our next music video perfectly. Ladies and gentlemen, video number 5! (Song #5: S.I.M.P. (Squirrels In My Pants) Extended Version) Street Performer 1: Somebody, anybody, everybody, scream! Candace: (off screen) Ahhh!! (jumps onscreen) There are squirrels in my pants! Street Performer 1: That girl's got some serious squirrels in her pants! Candace: There are squirrels in my pants! Street Performer 1: ♪ Tell me what's makin' you jump like that! ♪ Background singers: ♪ S-I-M-P, Squirrels in my pants! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ Ain't got no chickens, Ain't got no rats... ♪ Background singers: ♪ S-I-M-P, ♪ Candace/Background singers: ♪ Squirrels in my pants! ♪ Street Performer 1/Background singers: ♪ S to the I to the M to the P, ♪ ♪ Then maybe you can be movin' like me... ♪ Street Performer 2: ♪ Step right over and watch me put it down... ♪ Candace: ♪ Squirrels! Squirrels! ♪ Background singers: ♪ (S to the I to the M to the P) ♪ Street Performer 2: ♪ Step right over and watch me put it... ♪ Background singers/Street Performer 2: ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Street Performer 2: ♪ Who you got back home, waterin' your plants? ♪ Background singers: ♪ S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ How can I qualify for government grants? ♪ Background singers: ♪ S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants! ♪ Street Performer 2: ♪ Yeah... Hypnotize me, put me in a trance... ♪ Background singers: ♪ S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ Got an Aunt Florence livin' in France... ♪ Background singers: ♪ She can't see the- ♪ Candace: Squirrels in my pants! Street Performer 1: ♪ Step right over and watch me put it down... ♪ Candace: ♪ Squirrels! Squirrels! ♪ Background singers: ♪ (S to the I to the M to the P,) ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ Step right over and watch me put it... ♪ Background singers/Street Performer 1: ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ If you wanna know how I'm doin' this dance ♪ Background singers: ♪ S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ There's somethin' in my trousers, you know it ain't ants! ♪ Background singers: ♪ S-I-M-P, Squirrels in my pants! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ Yeah... Proletariat, bourgeoisie! ♪ Background singers: ♪ Baby you don't need an academic degree! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ Everybody's smellin' my potpourri! ♪ Background singers: ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ Step right over and watch me put it down... ♪ Candace: ♪ Squirrels! Squirrels! ♪ Background singers:' ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ Step right over and watch me put it... ♪ Background singer/Street Performer 1/Street Performer 2: ♪ Down, down, on the ground... ♪ ♪ 'Cause you know I got it goin' on! ♪ Background singer: (S...) ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ (I...) ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ (M...) ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ If your pockets are empty get a cash advance! ♪ Candace: ♪ Squirrels! Squirrels! ♪ Background singers: ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Background singer: (S...) ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Street Performer 2: ♪ If you're losin' your hair get yourself implants! Background singer: (I..) ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Street Performer 2: ♪ If you're wrestlin' a bear then you ain't got a chance! ♪ Background singer: (M...) ♪ S to the I to the M to the P! ♪ Street Performer 1: ♪ Old Uncle Freddy just rages and rants! ♪ Background singer/Street Performer 1/Street Performer 2: ♪ Ain't about love! Ain't about romance! I got squirrels in my pants! ♪ Doofenshmirtz: Don't go away, folks. When we come back, we'll have the final four. (He pauses and holds up three fingers. He realizes his mistake and holds up four. The crowd laughs) Plus, a special video that will ENSLAVE THE TRI-STATE AREA!! HAHAHA... I mean... engrave my pie-plate carrier! (pauses and picks up pie plate carrier) Look, it's silver! It was a wedding gift. I got it in the divorce! That's right ladies, I'm available!
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