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| - Advertising actor, speaking to audience: Hello! How's everybody doing? Audience: Good! Advertising actor: One of you today will WIN the new Shiatsu Massage Chair FREE! Audience: (cheers) Advertising actor: Okay, I'm gonna show you guys some of the chair's features. (Actor turns to projector screen) Unseen voice over projector: The Shiatsu Massage Chair is a new breakthrough from QuickSpa, the best way to obtain spa-style treatments at home. The chair incudes:
* A rolling ball massage design, with comfort spikes made of metal for the ultimate in relaxation and comfort.
* Unadjustable seat, with a 90 degree angle, to relax the back and seethe soothe the muscles.
* Soothing heat, of 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit to add to the comforting experience.
* Did we mention that the chair is in no way lethal? Advertising actor: Wow! looks amazing, huh? I'd have to say it's the best deal since Euroipods! (...) Person in front row of audience: Excuse me? Advertising actor: Huh? Person in front row: Correct me if I'm wrong, but the chair looks like a total pile of crap. (...) Advertising actor: You're wrong. I'll have to correct you. Unseen voice: Okay, it's time for the raffle drawing! The winner will receive the New Shiatsu Massage Chair FREE! (Advertising actor walks over to raffle box) Advertising actor: And the winner is... Charlie Benson! Charlie: What? Advertising actor: Hooray for Charlie, everybody! Charlie: WHAT? I have to take that pile of dog shit home? Advertising actor: Yes, you do. As for the rest of you, you can buy it for $7,999.999 at your local Bed, Bath & Beyond! (Confused and angry Charlie chucks tomato at advertising actor, followed by the rest of the audience) Advertising actor: No! Stop! It isn't pleasant when you throw those tomatoes at me! Stop! STOP! Not the pants! I keep my lunch in there! (Advertising actor runs out of auditorium, followed by mobbing audience) (Meanwhile, a medical team in Kansas was making an important discovery...)
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