About: 12 Apostles

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The 12 Apostles were Jesus of Nazareth's personal bodyguards. Just as today's Secret Service protects the President of the United States, the 12 Apostles formed a literal human shield of Jews around Jesus Christ, and each had to pledge his immortal soul that he was willing to "take an arrow" for the Savior. They were fierce when roused to anger and never turned the other cheek; when Roman soldiers or money lenders would threaten Jesus, the 12 Apostles would "get New Testament" on their asses with pearls, swine, and prodigal sons. They lived by the sword and died by the sword.

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rdfs:label	12 Apostles
rdfs:comment	The 12 Apostles were Jesus of Nazareth's personal bodyguards. Just as today's Secret Service protects the President of the United States, the 12 Apostles formed a literal human shield of Jews around Jesus Christ, and each had to pledge his immortal soul that he was willing to "take an arrow" for the Savior. They were fierce when roused to anger and never turned the other cheek; when Roman soldiers or money lenders would threaten Jesus, the 12 Apostles would "get New Testament" on their asses with pearls, swine, and prodigal sons. They lived by the sword and died by the sword.
dcterms:subject	Christianity Religion Jesus Biblical people
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abstract	The 12 Apostles were Jesus of Nazareth's personal bodyguards. Just as today's Secret Service protects the President of the United States, the 12 Apostles formed a literal human shield of Jews around Jesus Christ, and each had to pledge his immortal soul that he was willing to "take an arrow" for the Savior. They were fierce when roused to anger and never turned the other cheek; when Roman soldiers or money lenders would threaten Jesus, the 12 Apostles would "get New Testament" on their asses with pearls, swine, and prodigal sons. They lived by the sword and died by the sword. This being said, the 12 Apostles were more than mere bodyguards. They also served as Jesus' apprentices, learning to perform tricks such as turning water into wine and curing blindness (one Apostle took this too far and was expelled from the group after he made a blind man see, but gave a blind girl venereal disease). They rose hamsters from the dead and ate supper with Jesus Christos every night, during which time they would argue the finer points of Jewish Dietary Laws with Him. They had a strong impact on the religion that was to become Christianity; among other things, they convinced Jesus that it was not right to cast the first stone (until then, Jesus had preached that "adulterous bitches deserve nothing less than a good stoning"). The 12 Apostles are also credited with helping Jesus prepare his Sermon on the Mount - up to that point, Jesus had simply planned on telling his listeners, "to be excellent to each other." Although one of the 12 Apostles ultimately betrayed Jesus and sent him to his death on the Holy Cross of Doom, there can be no doubt that the world (and the Afterlife) would not be the same without them.

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