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| - Pops: Oh, I love to boogie. Boogie-woo- Hey. Hey, who are you? Buddy: I'm Buddy Rich, world famous drummer. Pops: We already got one. Ever hear of a drummer called Animal? Buddy: Are you kidding? All drummers are animals. Now, where's my dressing room? Pops: It's up the stairs. They're getting it ready for ya. Buddy: What was that? Somebody's testing my chair? Pops: No, no, no. Well, we're having power trouble. Nothing to worry about. Buddy: Good. I just won't sit down. Kermit: It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Buddy Rich! Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi-ho and welcome again to The Muppet Show where our special guest tonight is the world's greatest drummer, Mr. Buddy Rich. Audience: Oooh! Kermit: Yes. But first, to get things rolling... eh? Scooter? Scooter: Yeah, boss? Kermit: What happened to the lights? Scooter: They went out. Kermit: Oh, good. Okay, to kick things off on The Muppet Show, here's a little sunshine. "Good Day Sunshine" Fozzie: What happened to the lights? Kermit: Uh, it's nothing- nothing serious, folks. Uh, folks we just blew a fuse. Uh, I'm sorry Fozzie. Gonzo: I'm not Fozzie! Kermit: Oh, uh, Gonzo. Yes, I'm sorry about that. Listen Scooter, would you get us some flashlights? Scooter: Oh, okay boss. Kermit: Okay, now listen. Everybody sing! Fozzie: *stuttering* Kermit, how can we sing "Good Day Sunshine" when it's dark? Kermit: Uh, well, think of something. I've gotta go help Beauregard with the fuse box. Floyd: Good luck! Gonzo: Remember, it's always darkest just before dawn. Scooter: Well, here are the flashlights. Fozzie: Heh. Somebody play something. Could you give me a flashlight? Thank you. How do you work this? Oh yeah. "Dancing in the Dark" Statler: You think this is better than their usual show? Waldorf: Of course not. Can't hold a candle to it. Kermit: Uh, Beauregard, did you find that fuse? Bo: I can't see anything. There's all these wires in the way. Kermit: Well, hurry up. The audience is getting restless. Bo: Oh, we don't want they to go nighty-night. I'll just take out some of these wires. And, like... *screaming* Kermit: Are you okay? Bo: I think the fuse box bit me. Kermit, I don't want to play with fuses anymore, okay? Kermit: Uh, okay, Beauregard. Uh, why don't you just go get some candles. Okay? Bo: Okay. Scooter: Good news, chief. Kermit: Yeah? Scooter: It wasn't Miss Piggy's hot plate after all. Kermit: Oh? Her hair dryer then? Piggy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No. It was that creep Gonzo. He was trying to air condition his closet. Gonzo: Nothing but the best for my mildew collection. Heh-ha. Piggy: You're disgusting. Kermit: Uh, would you guys knock it off back there? We've got a show to do. Now what can I send out there on a dark stage? Gonzo: Why don't you introduce the Black Cat Acrobats of Kankakee? Kermit: But they're not here. Gonzo: Nobody will ever notice. The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Um, it's too dark in here to read the news by. Can we have a bigger candle, please? Crazy Harry: *laughing* Newsman: Than you very much. That's much better. With the discovery of gold, local residents are expecting a boom— Kermit: Uh, excuse me Buddy. Can I see you? Buddy: Kermit, that's the dumbest thing anyone's said tonight. Kermit: Uh, listen. I just wanted to tell you we'll have the lights back on soon. Buddy: Don't worry about me. I've got eyes like a cat. A really clumsy cat. Kermit and Buddy: Ah! Kermit and Buddy: Oh. Kermit and Buddy: Ah! Kermit: Well, now that the crisis is over, when can you do your number? Buddy: Oh, anytime you want me to, Kermit. Kermit: Uh-huh. You need to talk to the band? Buddy: Who needs a band? Kermit: Oh. No band? Fantastic. Just you and a drum kit. Buddy: Who needs drums? Kermit: No drums? Buddy: No drums. Kermit: Hey, you know what? You should be doing this on stage. Buddy: To the stage! Kermit: To the stage! Buddy: When I play a theatre, I play the theatre. Buddy: Darn! Waldorf: It's too dark to see this show. Statler: I'll say. Waldorf: And my hearing aid is busted, so I can't hear it. Statler: Oh, you must be having a wonderful time. Waldorf: No, I'm having a wonderful time. Scooter: Hey, chief? Kermit: Yeah? Scooter: I rigged up an emergency work light. Kermit: Oh, good going Scooter. How'd you do that? Scooter: Well, remember how Beauregard pulled all those wires out of the fuse box and got a big shock? Kermit: Yeah. Scooter: Well, I just put two and two together, and... Kermit: Is he alright? Scooter: Sure. I think he got a real charge out of it. Kermit: Listen, I just don't want him to get run down or anything. Are you okay, Bo? Bo: I'm fine. Did I do something wrong? Buddy: Why do I have this urge to sing "Happy Birthday"? Buddy: Come in. Hey, Bo. How ya doing? Bo: Oh, just terrible. Buddy: Oh. Bo: The electric stuff won't go through the wires and everybody's blaming me. Buddy: Oh, you're the one that's caused this mess. Bo: You see what I mean? Everybody's out to get me. Could I use your window? Buddy: Well, I know it's bad Bo, but don't jump. Bo: Jump? I was just going to take a nap on the fire escape. That is, unless you know any inspirational songs. Buddy: Inspirational songs? Have I got the song for you. "You Mustn't Feel Discouraged" Bo: Wow, thanks Mr. Rich. I feel a lot worse. Buddy: I like to help. Announcer: Time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs. Piggy: Where are you guys? Rowlf: Over here. Piggy: Oh. Janice: Oh, Dr. Bob, it's so dark, you can't see your hand in front of your face. Rowlf: That's okay, I remember what it looks like. It's brown and has these five pointy things sticking out. Piggy: Ew. Dr. Bob, cancel the operation, it's too dangerous. Nobody can see anything. Rowlf: Well, if that includes the audience, it'll be the safest bit we've ever done. Piggy: Ew. Rowlf: Just a second. Ah-ha! Piggy: That's a miner's lamp. Rowlf: Yes. And, a pick. Heh-ha. Now, where's the patient? Piggy: You can't use a pick o the patient. Rowlf: I can on the patient's pockets. Piggy: Ew. Rowlf: Now, where is he? Janice: Right here, Dr. Bob. He was trying to fix the power line and got a severe shock. Rowlf: Oh. Piggy: When he sees who his doctor is, he'll get another one. Piggy and Janice: Ew. Janice: No, not that kind of shock. He's had ten thousand volts. Rowlf: Gee, that should be enough to get him elected. What was he running for? Piggy: The hills if he had any sense. Janice: Not votes, volts. Rowlf: Oh, in that case, run some volts through him again. Janice: Again? Rowlf: Yes, it's called revolting. Piggy and Janice: Ew. It certainly is. Announcer: And, so we come to the end of another Veterinarian's Hospital. Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob say... Rowlf: Listen, if it's still dark when the patient comes to, give him this. Piggy: That's a ballpoint pen with a little light. Rowlf: Mm-hmm. Piggy: What good is that? Rowlf: He can see to sign the check. "A Transport of Delight" Kermit: Uh, listen Bunsen. For once, your goofy inventions had better do some good, because we've got to get the lights going around here. Bunsen: Uh, not to worry, Mr. Kermit. I will easily power all of the lights with this portable generator. Kermit: Oh? This is portable? Bunsen: Yes, it's a miracle of micro electronics. Kermit: Yeah, well what's it run on? Batteries? Gasoline? Bunsen: No indeedy-doodie. This is the age of Beaker power. Soon, electricity will be coursing through the entire theatre. Alright Beakie, start running. I'll just make a few minor adjustments. Kermit: Yeah? Bunsen: The connections may not be quite right yet. Buddy: Oh, that's better. Buddy: Come in. Piggy: Oh, excuse moi, Buddy dear. Buddy: Hi, Miss Piggy. Come on in. Piggy: I just had to come in and tell you that I think you're a truly great drummer. Buddy: Why, thank you, Miss Piggy. I think you're a very large singer. Piggy: I beg your pardon? Buddy: Oh, nothing. I'm really glad you came by. Piggy: Oh? Buddy: I have a question for you. Piggy: Oh, yes. Buddy: Well, you know I'm kind of interested in karate— Piggy: Oh, Buddy dear, say no more. Of course I shall give you some pointers. Uh, I am a pink belt. Buddy: Really? Piggy: Mm-hmm. Oh now, Buddy dear. First of all, you should put away those silly-willy boards. Beginners can only hurt themselves on that sort of thing. Buddy, karate is a peaceful activity. A beginner need not dwell on the violence and aggression. First you must learn to be at peace with— Piggy: Holy guacamole! Buddy: Black belt. Piggy: Gotcha. Buddy: Speaking of black. Piggy: Oh, no. I can not stand it. Not again. I am a star. I will not put up with this stumbling around blind. Buddy: It's too bad lard doesn't glow in the dark. Piggy: Pardon? Buddy: I said, it's too bad lard doesn't— Piggy: Hi-yah! Buddy: Say, where'd you learn to aim so good without lights? Piggy: Oh, just a chop in the dark. Kermit: Okay, good old Bunsen and Beaker. That generator has just saved the day alright. Let's see, uh, Swedish Chef on stage next, Swedish Chef, please. Swedish Chef: *mock Swedish* Kermit: Yeah, well, thanks Chef. I'm very pleased, too. Kermit: Hey. Hey, listen guys. What's the matter? Bunsen: Oh, I'm afraid poor little Beaker is getting tired. Beaker: Whew! Bunsen: We'll have to throw the overdrive lever. Kermit: What does the overdrive lever do? Bunsen: It puts an angry tiger in the wheel with him. Swedish Chef: *indiscernible* Buddy: Say, Kermit. I understand for the show's finale you want me to do some kind of a drum battle. Kermit: Oh yeah. I just love drum battles. Buddy: Okay. Who do I battle? The other guy. You know, the one that loses. Kermit: Ha ha. Uh, Animal. Buddy: Animal? That's really his name? Kermit: Mmm. Animal: *indiscernible* Floyd: Easy, Animal. Buddy: He looks like a sore loser. Floyd: Heh. This chain breaks, you'll be a sore winner. Kermit: Uh, listen. I'll just go ahead and introduce you. Floyd, get Animal ready. Floyd: Animal. You ready? Animal: Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Buddy: Yeah. He's ready. Animal: Drum battle! Drum battle! Kermit: Okay, uh. Uh, now ladies and gentlemen, the drum battle of the century. Yes. In one corner, our own ever-popular Animal... Animal: *indiscernible* Kermit: Uh, and in the other corner, The Muppet Show’s own fearless guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Buddy Rich, yaaay! Buddy: Darn it! There go the lights again! Kermit: Okay, well we've just about come down to the end of another one. But before we go, let us bring back our wonderful guest star, ladies... Buddy: Hey, Kermit. Wait'll I get this thing off. Okay? Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, the world's greatest drummer, Mr. Buddy Rich! Yaaay! Uh listen, I'm sorry about the battle of the drums, Buddy. Buddy: Well, that's alright Kermit. I'm just glad it wasn't the battle of the pianos. That little devil would have killed me. Kermit: Okay, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show! Waldorf: Where were you when the lights went out? Statler: In the dark. Where else, you old fool?
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