Row
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- Goals: find his candy, kill Spingebill, patrol the border.
- Alias: Charles M. Green Jr
- Dislikes: diet Coke with Mentos
- Hometown: Charleston, SC
- Race: Old Guy
- Allies: Ronald McDonald, McJuggernuggets, Freddy Krueger, Donald Trump
- Likes: His pinwheels, breaking stuff, bananas, Whoppers, and rampaging at Charlie Brown's fish market.
- Abilities: Knockout fart, rampage, extreme strength, eating shish, being a thug, cooking
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