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| - When I awoke, the camp was in an uproar. My first thought immediately went back to what I'd done. How did they miss Blackheart so fast? But when I padded outside, I saw that the commotion wasn't related to me sending Blackheart to be with Lilyshade. From what my ears could gather among the chaotic yelling and shouting, this was about the rogues who had been trespassing on SpringClan territory for the past few days. Apparently, Oakstar, who hadn't been told much about them previously, had just been told that they had crossed over the border onto our side several times. And judging by the looks of things, he was not happy. Mintwhisker stood by his side, calming him down with that gentle aura she had. No one was saying anything about Blackheart or Lilyshade, which was great by me; I knew I shouldn't be relieved that rogues were serving as a distraction, but I was. This would buy me more time. "Hey Breezepaw!" Specklepaw exclaimed, looking surprised when I jumped and let out a little screech. "You okay?" Forcing my fur to lie flat, I reminded myself that I couldn't act like an escaped criminal or people would start asking questions. "Yeah, fine. Just a little jumpy, I guess. I didn't really sleep well last night." "I don't think anyone did- except Specklepaw, that is. Forget everything that happened last night, his snoring alone was enough to keep me awake," Minkpaw said dryly. However, I couldn't help notice that most of her usual sneer was gone, enough so it was clear she was joking rather than trying to put anyone down. Amiably, Daisypaw flicked her ears towards where Oakstar was gathered with the senior warriors. "Do you think he's going to call a Clan meeting?" "I would if I was leader," Specklepaw commented. "The Clan needs it." Pawing him affectionately, Daisypaw licked him on the cheek. "You're not Clan leader- but you do have a point there," she conceded. "I think all of SpringClan could use some reassuring." I opened my mouth to reply, when suddenly a fresh burst of cool air hit me straight in the face. Something soft landed on my nose. A cherry blossom. And suddenly the camp disappeared around me, and I felt my spirit being whisked away. Adamantly, she shook her head. "Our friendship shouldn't have. Admit it, it was my fault. I got swept off my paws by... by that dirtbag Duskwatcher. And yet, it's not even his fault. It's all mine." A single tear rolled down her cheek. I saw the loving sympathy in Blackheart's gaze, and fought the urge to shake Lilyshade and scream,"Can't you see he loves you? Can't you open your eyes?" She froze and stared down at him. In a flash, she had bounded down the tree and was by his side. "You're not leaving the Clan for me." "Breezepaw! Are you all right? You just kind of froze up." Blinking, I found myself staring into Daisypaw's concerned face; Specklepaw and Minkpaw looked on from about a tail away. "Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that," I said, giving my head a quick shake to clear my thoughts. "I think Oakstar's getting ready to call a Clan meeting," Minkpaw said, jerking her head towards High-Rock. Sure enough, the red-brown tom was climbing to the peak, a determined set to his face. "Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath High-Rock to hear what I have to say," he called. The traditional, familiar words were more of a time-honored tradition than a rule; Sleepykit, Brightkit, and Flowerkit came scampering out of their den with their mother immediately, though the only prey they had ever caught were twigs and other cats' tails. All of SpringClan congregated around the base of High-Rock, anticipation hovering in the air. Us apprentices took our place towards the back of the group, which was fine with me because it gave me a better vantage point of everyone. The whole Clan was ready to hear something, and I had an inkling that no one knew exactly what they wanted to hear; reassurance, a plan, something to hold onto. Oakstar sure was under a lot of pressure to deliver, and I was sure he felt it, though you couldn't really tell from the outside. After clearing his throat for a moment, the tom's voice boomed out around the camp, gruff and authoritative. "I'm sure you all know about Lilyshade by now," he said. "And that she's left the Clan for good. Blackheart has also disappeared." Here his gaze met mine, and I felt a hot wave of guilt wash over me. How does he know? Thankfully, he didn't say anything in front of the Clan(though I was sure I would hear about it later). A ripple of shock went through the Clan at the news that Blackheart had left too. Duskwatcher frowned and glanced around suspiciously, as if it was a conspiracy, and the elders huddled together, talking in low tones. Oakstar waited for it to quiet down, then said, "It's not up to us to judge, okay? I, for one, am heartbroken; it feels like I've lost two children of mine. I don't understand why I see judgement on some of your faces. Those were two real, living, breathing cats with emotions and feelings. Maybe if we had been a little quicker to help, a little slower to judge, we wouldn't be hear right now." Across the camp, cats exchanged glances, some in shame, others in indignation. I could guess what a lot of them were thinking; they were shocked that their beloved leader would dare to berate them like this, or dare to suggest they were to blame(at least in part) for Lilyshade and Blackheart's fate. Which, actually, made sense to me. If only I had realized it sooner. And if only those stupid cats would stop looking offended and listen. This was driving me nuts. I saw Hawkeye whispering something to Cranelegs; both of them chuckled and shot sly glances at Oakstar. Nearby, a couple of other cats were doing something similar. It was making my blood boil. Before I knew it, something in me snapped. I wasn't aware of what I did next- just that the next instant found me galloping to the front of the Clan, next to Quailfeather at the base of High-Rock. "Hey!" I hollered as loud as I could, anger pumping behind my words. Everyone fell silent, more, I suspected, out of surprise than any form of respect. "I don't know what you guys think you're doing, chattering like a bunch of sparrows," I snapped. "But you need to stop it and listen! Oakstar has a point! I've seen the way you shunned and were rude to Blackheart- and I admit, I'm guilty of it myself. But I see that it's wrong! I see how sick it is! And you guys just don't..." Suddenly losing all my fire, I realized I was an apprentice with no right to be there, screaming at a Clan who probably didn't care. With a choked sob, I fled the camp, racing out into the woods where I could be alone. I wasn't sure why I just fell to pieces like that. Maybe it was all the events of the past, just crashing down on me at once. I kept seeing everything - my parents' faces, Shinecloud's bloodied body, Blackheart's heartbreak, Lilyshade falling from the cherry tree in my dream... and it was too much. Life was so unfair, it seemed. I was losing my faith in everything. There was a soft touch on my shoulder, a gentle brush of fur. Whirling around, I saw Ivyrose standing there, a gentle look on her motherly face. With a snotty, ungraceful sob, I stumbled towards her and buried my face in her shoulder. "There, there," she soothed, stroking my back with her tail like I was a little kit- which was what I felt like, honestly. "It's just... not... fair," I sniffled, raising my head and blinking tears out of my eyes. So much for being a strong apprentice, standing up for what it was right. I was a blubbering heap of an oversized kit. "Breezepaw, have I ever told you how proud Goldenburst and I are of you?" Ivyrose asked, letting me lean my head on her shoulder. I didn't reply, not trusting my wobbly voice to speak. "We really are. You are brave, independent, and we love you very much. You know that, right? You're our other daughter." But... I want my own parents. My heart throbbed within me, but I didn't dare say the hurtful words aloud. Instead, I nodded. "I know. I love you guys." Ivyrose smiled. "You did it, Breezepaw. You and Minkpaw and all your friends, together. I know you think it's just a disaster now, but things will come together. Things will eventually make sense. One day, you'll look back on this, and instead of sorrow, it'll just hit you, and you'll know." She stepped back and looked me in the eye. "We don't become who we are when we 'grow up'. Every second, every action, every word, we are making who we are. We are becoming, we are changing, we are creating." "Creating a giant mess," I sighed. "Now, you have to let go of that, Breezepaw," Ivyrose tsked. "For one thing, I was speaking to Quailfeather a bit ago; she said that Oakstar and she are very proud to have you in their Clan." I stared at her in disbelief. "B-but, I let Blackheart go." "You did what you thought was right, what was best for Blackheart," she answered. "Oh, they don't entirely approve, but they are proud of you, and they think it was brave of you." Hopefully, I perked up. "Will I be made a warrior for this?" The brown-and-white she-cat chuckled. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I'm afraid not- you're still too early in your training. You have a while more to go, you know. But that's no big deal. You should be proud of what you did back there, not ashamed. You stood up for Blackheart and Lilyshade, and believe it or not, it had an impact of the Clan. You should've seen their faces when you left!" Ruefully smiling, I said, "I wish I hadn't fled like a coward now." "Hey, it's fine," Ivyrose shrugged. "As long as you come back and face it with your head up. No one thinks any worse of you; and if I may say, I admire you for what you did." At this point I was sure she was just flattering me to make me feel better, but I greedily accepted the praise. "Thanks. I think I'm ready to go back to camp now." Wrapping her tail around me, Ivyrose gave me an affectionate squeeze. As she did, I felt another touch, more ghostly than hers. Blinking, I made out the pale, almost translucent form of a golden-white she-cat watching me from the trees. Cloudberry. My mother's form had vanished the next instant, but I knew she'd been there. To comfort me. That was enough to strengthen me. Getting up, I followed Ivyrose back to camp. As soon as I entered the camp, Specklepaw, Daisypaw, and Minkpaw came racing towards me. "Breezepaw!" Daisypaw yelled, licking me on the cheek. "Are you okay?" Specklepaw asked, standing back a little awkwardly as Minkpaw and Daisypaw hugged me. Grinning at all three of them, I nodded. "Thanks to your mom," I said, flicking my tail towards Ivyrose, who had stopped to greet Daisypaw before heading away. Firmly, Daisypaw corrected, "Our mom." In spite of seeing Cloudberry a few minutes ago, a smile blossomed on my face. I knew it was true. "So, what's going on right now?" I said, a little briskly, in order to make up for all the sappiness I'd just exhibited. Gesturing towards Oakstar's den, Specklepaw explained, "They're meeting about the rogues. Trying to decide if we should try to find them, just wait for a confrontation, guard the borders extra well, or what. You know." I nodded understandingly. "Oh hey, Specklepaw! Dewfrost and Yellowsun told me we're going out to practice aerial training tomorrow!" "Awesome," he said, eyes twinkling. "That's not all," Minkpaw added. "I was speaking with Quailfeather and some of the other warriors, and they said our first assessment will be in five sunrises. It'll be on hunting first, and then we'll have a skills test, which includes fighting, fishing, and miscellaneous things." Daisypaw gasped. "Five days?!" Reassuringly, Minkpaw patted her paw. "I'm sure you'll do fine." I chose not to comment on how strange it was that Minkpaw was reassuring Daisypaw. Hopefully, this was the new normal. All four of us apprentices, together. Friends. "What do you think they'll decide about the rogues?" asked Specklepaw, changing the subject back to what it was previously. Nestling her head against his shoulder, Daisypaw paused to contemplate this a moment. "Maybe they'll just wait and see. I mean, it would be a waste to send warriors to find them. What if they got hurt?" Serious-faced, Minkpaw furrowed her brow. "But if they're willing to hurt us, we need to know about it. We can't have dangerous cats on our territory." Feeling a little awkward, I said, "Hey guys? Can we not talk about that right now?" Three pairs of eyes blinked at me confusedly. "What I mean is," I hastened to explain. "We solved the murder. Blackheart and Lilyshade, two cats who lived very unfair lives, are happy together now - and don't ask me how I know that, I just know. Yes, Duskwatcher's gone a little off the deep end, and we have rogues to deal with. But I don't want to think about that right now. For once, I, Breezepaw, the biggest pessimist in the world, want to focus on the good things in life." I smiled meaningfully at Daisypaw. "Enjoy them while we can. Because perfection is fragile." I could see her recognize her mother's quote, and this time, I knew we both better understood what Ivyrose had meant by that. Placing a paw in the middle of our circle, Minkpaw said, "Hey, I know I'm probably the most reclusive, badger-tempered she-cat you guys know. But... I'd like to ask a straightforward question. Can we be best friends?" she blurted out. "All four of us? Forever?" Struck by a sudden idea - a childish one, albeit, but one that captivated me - I added, "We can call ourselves the Vale Squad. You know, because SpringClan is in a vale." Specklepaw grinned ear-to-ear and placed his paw on Minkpaw's. "I'm in." "Me too! Maybe we can wear matching flowers in our ears!" Daisypaw exclaimed, putting her paw on his. Laughing at the imagined image of Specklepaw with a daisy in his ear, I put my paw on top and grinned at each of them. "To the Vale Squad. And to SpringClan."
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