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- 21600.0
- *Ol Respectable
Distance 150 Miles away
This venerable sequoia has withstood thousands of years of floods, forest fires and assassination attempts by radical anti-tree militants. What would you like to do?
;Cut it down for some reason.
:You experience terrible guilt for your monstrous actions. This is sure to cause bad luck. Your luck decreases slightly. Bad things are now much more likely to happen on your journey. Oh no!
;Take only pictures, leave only footprints.
:As you admire the tree, you feel your luck improve. Your luck increases slightly. Good things are now more likely to happen on your journey. Hooray!
----
*Ancient Ruined 24-Hour Massage Parlor
Distance 250 Miles away
This seedy structure was cataclysmically destroyed some centuries ago. Clearly, it did not meet with a happy ending.
;Go investigate the ruins.
:Sifting through the ruins, you find an ancient cache of oils and lotions. You lubricate your ship, slightly increasing your speed. Your ship's speed increases significantly. It will take you a lot less time to cover the same distance.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Fort Larroquette
Distance 350 Miles away
Within the safe walls of Fort Larroquette, a man approaches offering a trade: "Hey pal, wanna barter for some ammo? I found it in my grandmother's attic.
;Trade 25 loot for 10 ammo.
:You make the trade.
::You gain 10 ammo.
::You lose 25 loot.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Dog in a Shoe
Distance 450 Miles away
A seemingly ordinary oversized novelty shoe is rendered magical by the presence of a dog.
;Play with the dog.
:The dog is busy
- An untrustworthy hustler approaches, hoping to barter: "If you buy these shot glasses, I bet your crew will like you better."
;Trade 25 loot for 30 shipspeed.
:Morale has improved.
::Your ship's speed increases significantly. It will take you a lot less time to cover the same distance.
::You lose 25 loot.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*That Same Dog in a Shoe
Distance
- A charlatan approaches, hawking his inferior wares: "Hey, wanna buy some sunglasses? They're made of cornstarch and pressed ham."
;Trade 25 loot for 50 food.
:You make the trade.
::You gain 50 lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
::You lose 25 loot.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*HMS Boruff's Moment of Self-Doubt
Distance
- An unscrupulous huckster approaches. "Hey, got any food? I been standing out here for eight months."
;Trade 25 food for 50 loot.
:You make the trade.
::You lose 25 lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
::You gain 50 loot.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*HMS Boruff's Gambit
Distance
- As you admire one of the national park system's most magnificent natural treasures, a terrified man crawls from the pile: "Gods help me, I've only survived by playing dead. Hey, wanna buy some ammo?"
;Trade 25 loot for 10 ammo.
:You make the trade.
::You gain 10 ammo.
::You lose 25 loot.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Volcano Suggestion Box
Distance
- *Gaia 9 Action News Chopper
Distance
- *HMS Boruff's Bounty
Distance
- *HMS Boruff's Indomitable Will
Distance
- *Volcano Picnic Area
Distance
- You find the captain's log: "Day 6: Forgot to bring toilet paper. Forced to abandon ship."
;Go explore the shipwreck.
:In the cargo hold, you find hundreds of propeller beanies, melted popsicles, belts that look like bacon, slide whistles, wax fruit, discredited ab-workout machines, colloidal silver tablets and teen heartthrob magazines.
;Continue on the trail.
:You continue on the trail
- The volcanic park rangers have put up a suggestion box. The plaque reads, "Please let us know what we could do to make your volcanic national park experience more enjoyable and less incredibly deadly."
;Write a comment
:You write a polite suggestion that the lava fields should have more public restrooms. The slip of paper instantly bursts into flames.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Natural Hotspring
Distance
- There's a starving castaway stranded on this island.
;Help the castaway.
:You spend some time teaching him to juggle, then leave him and continue your journey.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*HMS Boruff's Insane Hubris
Distance
- It's that dog again! How did he beat you here?
;Play with the dog.
:The dog is still busy. If anything, he's even busier than before.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
- After an arduous journey full of injury and misadventure, you finally deliver your precious cargo to the wounded jellyfish demigod.
:You gain 50 loot.
- A critically injured pilot drags his ruined body from the wreckage. "I've only got one medkit left, but damn it, I want to die with loot in my pocket. Will you grant me this last request?"
:You gain 50 loot.
----
*Mirrored Sphere Floating Over a Checkerboard
Distance
- You find the captain's log: "Day 11: Perhaps it was shortsighted to crew my ship entirely with dogs. I should place less trust in the advice of talking octopuses that appear to me in dreams, even if they do speak with the voice of my father."
;Go explore the shipwreck.
:The cargo hold is filled entirely with toilet paper.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Frozen Cavemantis
Distance
1,800 Miles away
- Aside from the searing temperatures and the toxic ash spewing from all the nearby volcanoes, this looks like a lovely place to enjoy a family picnic.
;Stop for a picnic.
:You find that you don't have the exact change to pay the day-use fee. You leave hungry and disappointed.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Huge Unexplained Pile of Corpses National Historic Site
Distance
- This volcanic tourist attraction boasts relaxing mineral baths at a comfortable 850 degrees. A gregarious nude bathing man hollers at you: "Would you like to experience the healing properties of this natural spring? If you make me a hoagie, I'll get outta yer way."
;Trade 25 loot for 20 party health.
:You make the trade.
::Your crew's health improves significantly.
::You lose 25 loot
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
- You come across an airship with ominous vampire markings. You know your small crew can't possibly take them on in a straight-up fight.
;Attempt to reason with them.
:They fail to accept the premises on which you base your argument, and hence disagree with your conclusions. It appears you've reached an impasse. They kill one of you because they're vampires. dies.
;Sneak past and continue on the trail
:Your journey continues.
----
*Distressed Demigod
Distance
- *Imposing Skeleton
Distance 600 Miles away
These bones serve as a grim reminder of the desert's terrible powers.
;Examine the bones.
:Upon closer inspection, a small plaque reads "brought to you by the desert's terrible powers."
;Continue on the trail.
:You continue on the trail
----
*Party Sphinx
Distance 700 Miles away
You arrive at the Party Sphinx, whose nose seems to have been destroyed by heavy drug use. The ghost of an ancient pharaoh approaches: "Hey dude, want to buy a lucky mummified asp?"
;Trade 25 loot for 10 luck.
:Your luck increases significantly. Good things are now more likely to happen on your journey. Hooray! You lose 25 loot.
;Continue on the trail.
:You continue on the trail
----
*Burning Bush
Distance 900 Miles away
This bush blazes with strange religious significance. It seems to be trying to talk to you
;Talk to the bush.
:Just as you're about to engage the bush in conversation, an anthropomorphic bear in a ranger hat extinguishes it. You feel a profound sense of loss.
;Continue on the trail.
:You continue on the trail
----
*Obscene Cactus
Distance 1,000 Miles away
Out of embarrassment, you try not to look directly at this cactus. Just as you're about to sneak a glance, a strange man approaches: "Hey, wanna buy some jerk chicken? I've been jerkin' it all day."
;Trade 25 loot for 50 food.
:You make the trade. You gain 50 lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
::You lose 25 loot.
;Continue on the trail.
:You continue on the trail
- You find the captain's log: "Day 14: Forced to abandon ship; I don't know why I thought an all-dog crew would work this time, but I feel like I've learned my lesson now."
;Go explore the shipwreck.
:The cargo hold is filled with spoiled dog food, squeaky chew toys, dog collars, canine-sized eye patches, dog food bowls, canine-sized peg-legs, dog teen heartthrob magazines, dog ponchos and toilet paper.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Isla De Esquerra
Distance
- This futuristic landmark promises a utopian future filled with fractals and three-dimensional virtual reality cyberworlds.
;Play with the sphere
:The sphere is busy.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Vampire Airship
Distance
- You find the captain's log: "Day 20: Everything is finally going perfectly! At this rate, I'll be a very rich man when I get to-- wait, what's that sound? Vampires?"
;Go explore the shipwreck.
:The cargo hold is full of boomerangs, fake vomit, bongo drums, oversized novelty sunglasses, calculator watches, quasi-racist lawn ornaments, hundreds of copies of Boruff's self-published autobiography and the drained corpses of Boruff's ill-fated crew.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Shady Guy Selling Souvenir Isla de Esquerra Shot Glasses
Distance
- You find the captain's log: "Day 4: Forgot to bring a crew. Forced to abandon ship and brave the perilous 40-yard swim back to shore."
;Go explore the shipwreck.
:The cargo hold is full of ping-pong balls, garish wigs, birdfeeders, wax candy lips, breakaway tuxedos, iron-on tattoos, pinecones and obscene novelty pasta.
;Continue on the trail.
:Your journey continues.
----
*Cloud Shaped Like a Butt
Distance
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