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| - The battered chunk of rock that passes as the planet Mercury rotates under you as you refrain from orbiting sunside, the blasting heat from the Sun almost unbearable there. Pools of precious metals rest on the surface, and various survey and mining teams explore the surface and collect the minerals. Other than those few teams, there is nothing of real significance around here, it seems... The dark side of Mercury. Relatively cold and peaceful, especially in contrast to the burning surface of the planet on the other side! Here, a floating target in the shape of a bullseye sits across from a simple line painted into the ground, and behind that line are multiple space howitzers! Then there's other artillery gun, but it's on wheels. And it's talking. "GREETINGS CONTESTANTS, I AM ARTY, THE LIVING SELF-PROPELLED GUN AND MASCOT OF THE FIRE SUPPORT CLUB. I AM HERE TO EVALUATE YOUR PERFORMANCE IN THE ARTILLERY RANGE AND PROVIDE CLEVER, ARTILLERY-RELATED QUIPS. PLEASE TAKE POSITIONS AT THE LINE AND PREPARE TO FIRE ONE OF THE ARTILLERY CANNONS. ALSO, NO SHENANIGANS OR I WILL BLAAAAST YOU." "Whooooa," Fusillade says as the host judge speaks. With optics wide, she edges toward it? Him? and reaches out to rest a palm on the air cooling jacket of Arty's barrel. "Nawwww, get outta here! Are you remote operated:? I bet you /are/." Contrail has other things she could be doing, aside from shoot howitzers at targets. She sighs over the mascot. Well, at least it is not Gal-Axy, who is neither a gal nor an axe? Contrail envies Fusillade's apparent carefree mood and stalks over to her assigned post. Backblast grins and takes his position at one of the ranges, shrugging. "Humans have pretty good AI now a days, Laser-lips, he could be exactly that." He laughs, getting to know the workings of the cannon he's been assigned. "Hrm." He mutters. "It's no ninety-mil, but I can make use of 'er" Rampage is here, as he is every year. Being the Predacon's gunner means he has some expertise in this sport, though they haven't been doing much gunning lately. In fact they haven't been doing much of anything. Where was Razorclaw? Napping? Nevertheless, the sole Predacon participant represents. Laserbeak is annoyed. That is to say, he is in his standard 'non-skulking' mode. The giant artillery piece didn't help matters. So much for his master plan of just ending this facade of a spirited competition. He also didn't care for his humiliation earlier in the foot race. He ruffles, any way there's a chance to show up some bots, show off his optics and maybe do some damage while still under this truce. It had potential to be entertaining, though Laserbeak's thoughts on entertainment would be akin to those 'Saw' films. Silverbolt looks suitably impressed by the proceedings, though he wouldn't let on even if he were. He prepares for the contest by eyeing the range from his vantage point, better to caluclate on the fly or some such. He looks around, wondering if he should be sporting or taunting his opponents. He decides to do neither, being the picture of self control. Hubcap regards 'Arty' suspiciously for a few moments before sauntering over to his assigned cannon. "Ready when you are, Morty." Wheelie is here, of course. The Autobots had to get him out of Autobot City somehow, and what better way than to let him shoot of artillery cannons? Looking out from behind Silverbolt's leg, the minibot regards the talking cannon with a little bit of curiosity mixed with excitement. "Talking cannon freaks me out, you sure we should join this bout?" he asides to the Aerialbot. "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH MY BARREL, IT IS VERY SENSITIVE AND IT WOULD BE UNFORTUNATE IF I FIRED INTO YOUR FACE," Arty warns Fusillade. "ALSO I AM ALIVE THANKS TO A FREAK LIGHTNING STORM. I DON'T GET IT EITHER. NOW I SHALL DETERMINE THE ORDER IN WHICH THE CONTESTANTS WILL PROCEED. LOADING PAINTBALL ROUND. ROUND LOADED. FIRING." And it fires a shell into the midst of the contestants, splattering them with paint rounds! "WHOMEVER HAS THE MOST HITS ON THEM AS INDICATED BY THE PAINT ROUNDS SHALL GO FIRST, THEN ONTO THE NEXT HIGHEST, AND SO ON. OUR FIRST TARGET IS _80 METERS_. THE TOP 4 CONTESTANTS WHO ACHIEVE AT LEAST ONE HIT THAT IS CLOSEST TO THE TARGET THAN ANYONE ELSE SHALL MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ROUND. ANY QUESTIONS?" GAME: Repugnus rolls a (100)-sided die: ROLL: Rampage rolled a 98 ROLL: Wheelie rolled a 96 ROLL: Hubcap rolled a 81 ROLL: Laserbeak rolled a 79 ROLL: Backblast rolled a 71 ROLL: Fusillade rolled a 65 ROLL: Silverbolt rolled a 61 ROLL: Contrail rolled a 1 Rampage proudly paintspatteredly strides up to the artillery device and starts to work it. "80 meters? Who decided to metricize us up like that? Why can't we do it in yards? I don't even know what a meter is!" the Predacon complains as he takes his shots. Artillery Range: Rampage fires a shot! BOOM!! @CHANNEL doesn't know switch . Artillery Range: Rampage fires a shot! KAPOW!! Artillery Range: Rampage fires a shot! KA BOOM!!! Wheelie steps out from behind Silverbolt, before reply, and jumps up to an artillery cannon. One that isn't talking, of course. "Oh such a fussy kitty, look at Wheelie paint this target nice and pretty!" he giggles, taking aim and firing off three shots. Artillery Range: Wheelie fires a shot!
* THUD* Artillery Range: Wheelie fires a shot! ]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]=========================== 40. Aug 23 17:49 Rampage 187.83 m (6 s) ~~ 45' 42.23m/s 41. Aug 23 17:50 Rampage 205.18 m (7 s) ~~ 46' 44.23m/s 42. Aug 23 17:50 Rampage 162.96 m (6 s) ~~ 44' 39.23m/s 43. Aug 23 17:52 Wheelie 141.03 m (5 s) ~~ 45' 36.63m/s 44. Aug 23 17:52 Wheelie 95.25 m (3 s) ~~ 30' 31.63m/s ===========================[ 44 shots (time sort) ]=========================== Artillery Range: Wheelie fires a shot!
* BOOM* Hubcap draws a finger solemnly through the paint coating him. "Hrm. Blue." He pauses thoughtfully, then nods, "I can do blue." Oh, wait, he's up. Climbing into the cannon's seat, he mutters to himself. "How does this thing work?" Artillery Range: Hubcap fires a shot!
* BOOM* Artillery Range: Hubcap fires a shot! BOOM!! Artillery Range: Hubcap fires a shot! KAKOOWWW!! Laserbeak activates his thrusters, swooping up into the cannon's seat. He regards it with a loud chirping sound, then transforms into his cassette mode, slipping into the retro-tech weapon. Oh what power he possessed now, even if it was just paintballs... He noted the idea of using this on a grander scale. Now if only he could get his optics to work with the artillery. Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot! THOOOM! Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!
* THUD* Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot! BOOM!! Laserbeak squawks happily-ish. Dust Devil cruises in from the depths of space. Backblast steps up to his cannon and rubs his hands together a moment, getting a look at the thing and how it works Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot! SPLOOSH! Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot! KAPOW!! Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot! KA BOOM!!! Fortress Maximus cruises in from the depths of space. "Well you can't exactly shoot me if I'm off to the SIDE of the barrel," Fusillade remarks crossly. However, that also means she is quite far away from the paintball as it spatters. As she watches the others fire, she hmms quietly to herself, head whipping back and forth like a tennis match viewer. She considers, "Wonder if the relation is linear or..." She then sits on the gantry of her assigned piece. Her expression is quite absorbed, nay, even care-free! As she takes the grips, warning siren honks at her repeatly until she punches the console with scowl, and dials in a firing solution. "80 meters is awfully close," she mumbles to herself. Backblast steps away from the target with a wide grin, looking satisfied with at least one of his shots. Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!
* BOOM* Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot! SPLOOSH! Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot! SPLOOSH! Silverbolt watches his fellow competitors shoot, wincing when they miss (or miss badly) and clapping politely when they hit. When it's his term he approachs his cannon and begins his firing solution. Artillery Range: Silverbolt fires a shot! BOOM!! Artillery Range: Silverbolt fires a shot! BOOM!! Artillery Range: Silverbolt fires a shot! THOOOM! Contrail, without thinking, dodges the spray of shots and just ends up with one paintball dripping down her face. She licks it and says, "Hrm. Cherry. The most delicious colour." She takes her shots. Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot! BOOM!! Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot! BOOM!! Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot! KAPOW!! Dust Devil was going to enter the competition in the normal manner but something about magnetizing all of the tools in the lab before one of the lab techs went in there sorta got him in trouble. So since he couldn't get in the front door, he slipped in, using some of the service ducts. There's a startled yelp as Dust Devil suddenly appears from behind one of the decorative flags dragging it down with him as he ends up on the ground. Hearing its his turn, he bolts to his feet and runs over to the weapon. The flag is stuck to his cockpit section behind his head and drapes around him like a cape. And no he's not looking at any of the spectators. Someone there probably remembers that he was supposed to be grounded! Artillery Range: Dust Devil fires a shot!
* BOOM* Artillery Range: Dust Devil fires a shot! KAPOW!! Artillery Range: Dust Devil fires a shot! THOOOM! ]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]===========================.33 m (1 s) ~~ 0' 21.82m/s 40. Aug 23 17:49 Rampage 187.83 m (6 s) ~~ 45' 42.23m/s 41. Aug 23 17:50 Rampage 205.18 m (7 s) ~~ 46' 44.23m/s 42. Aug 23 17:50 Rampage 162.96 m (6 s) ~~ 44' 39.23m/s 43. Aug 23 17:52 Wheelie 141.03 m (5 s) ~~ 45' 36.63m/s 44. Aug 23 17:52 Wheelie 95.25 m (3 s) ~~ 30' 31.63m/s 45. Aug 23 17:53 Wheelie 63.15 m (2 s) ~~ 22' 27.63m/s 46. Aug 23 17:57 Hubcap 34.59 m (3 s) ~~ 40' 14.3m/s 47. Aug 23 17:57 Hubcap 17.13 m (3 s) ~~ 50' 9.3m/s 48. Aug 23 17:58 Hubcap 23.19 m (3 s) ~~ 55' 12.3m/s 49. Aug 23 17:59 Laserbeak 100.95 m (6 s) ~~ 63' 34.76m/s 50. Aug 23 17:59 Laserbeak 95.54 m (7 s) ~~ 65' 34.76m/s 51. Aug 23 18:00 Laserbeak 78.73 m (7 s) ~~ 69' 33.76m/s 52. Aug 23 18:08 Backblast 115.66 m (4 s) ~~ 20' 34.63m/s 53. Aug 23 18:09 Backblast 99.61 m (3 s) ~~ 10' 36.63m/s 54. Aug 23 18:09 Backblast 81.05 m (2 s) ~~ 4' 35.63m/s 55. Aug 23 18:10 Fusillade 101.21 m (3 s) ~~ 15' 40.25m/s 56. Aug 23 18:10 Fusillade 78.08 m (2 s) ~~ 5' 48.25m/s 57. Aug 23 18:11 Fusillade 76.22 m (2 s) ~~ 5.5' 46.25m/s 58. Aug 23 18:12 Silverbolt 129.1 m (5 s) ~~ 42.456' 34.54m/s 59. Aug 23 18:12 Silverbolt 183.57 m (6 s) ~~ 43.779' 41.54m/s 60. Aug 23 18:13 Silverbolt 122.1 m (5 s) ~~ 44.4487' 33.54m/s 61. Aug 23 18:16 Contrail 110.9 m (5 s) ~~ 45' 32.1m/s 62. Aug 23 18:17 Contrail 85.9 m (3 s) ~~ 18.3' 34.1m/s 63. Aug 23 18:18 Contrail 95.01 m (3 s) ~~ 17' 37.1m/s 64. Aug 23 18:21 Dust Devil 48.87 m (4 s) ~~ 48.8' 20.92m/s 65. Aug 23 18:22 Dust Devil 23.09 m (5 s) ~~ 79.8' 24.92m/s 66. Aug 23 18:22 Dust Devil 50.11 m (3 s) ~~ 28.8' 21.92m/s ===========================[ 66 shots (time sort) ]=========================== "WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" Arty the living SPG asks Dust Devil as he barges in on them. "AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING A FLAG? THAT IS THE PROPERTY OF THE OLYMPICS COMMITTEE, AND YOU WILL RETURN IT AFTER THE EVENT. NOW, I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THE TOP FOUR CONTESTANTS THAT SHALL ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND: LASERBEAK, BACKBLAST, FUSILLADE, AND CONTRAIL. WELL DONE. HEY, KIDS, DID YOU KNOW THAT THE LARGEST ARTILLERY PIECE IN THE GALAXY WAS THE ZORONGAN DEATH BLASTER ON PLANET ZORONGOS? THE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND COULD FIT INTO ITS BARREL. HOWEVER, ONCE IT WAS FIRED, THE CANNON SHATTERED THE CRUST OF THE PLANET AND CAUSED A MAJOR EXTINCTION EVENT. HOW IS THAT FOR 'BACKBLAST?' HA HA HA." The tank abruptly fires another paint round into the contestants. "IN THE NEXT ROUND, THE SURVIVING CONTESTANTS MUST HIT A TARGET 120 METERS OUT OR AS CLOSE TO IT AS POSSIBLE. GOOD LUCK." Backblast grins widely at Arty and listens carefully, blinking. "Makes the recoil of my big gun look like a damp squib..." }Backblast grins and steps up to his cannon, looking thoughtful a moment as he looks at the target. He licks a finger to get the wind, then settles in for his three shots. Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot!
* BOOM* {C}Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot! KAPOW!! Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot!
* THUD* ]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]=========================== 67. Aug 23 18:37 Backblast 80.09 m (3 s) ~~ 10.5' 30.63m/s 68. Aug 23 18:38 Backblast 79.26 m (3 s) ~~ 12' 29.63m/s 69. Aug 23 18:39 Backblast 74.28 m (3 s) ~~ 9' 29.63m/s ===========================[ 69 shots (time sort) ]=========================== The Decepticon channel has been encrypted. Laserbeak flickers his red eyes at the strange sapient artillery piece's words, then returns to the seat, transforming back into tape mode. He makes several clicking sounds, rewinding, fast forwarding as the artillery cannon is adjusted. Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot! KA BOOM!!! Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot! KA BOOM!!! Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!
* THUD* Contrail is pleased to advance, of course, but she does have other things she could be doing, like railing at Wiretap, maybe! Except that Wiretap is actually pretty competent. Blast, but /someone/ is going to get a shakedown! Contrail pulls levers and adjusts transoms. Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot! KAKOOWWW!! Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot!
* THUD* Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot! KAKOOWWW!! Fusillade clicking thumbs together anxiously as she watches the others go, Fusillade fidgets in the gantry seat of her designated artillery mount. Between rounds and judge tallies, she doodles on the barrel of her weapon, repeating a motif of arches and inverse proportions. She doesn't understand how or why, but they are quite simply pretty to her. She glances up with each paintball hit, the gallon-sized balls smearing a day-glo riot over the field. Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!
* BOOM* }Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!
* BOOM* Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot! KA BOOM!!! ]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]=========================== 1. Aug 23 18:41 Laserbeak 136.78 m (6 s) ~~ 51' 36.76m/s 2. Aug 23 18:42 Laserbeak 112.28 m (6 s) ~~ 58' 34.76m/s 3. Aug 23 18:42 Laserbeak 123.08 m (6 s) ~~ 55.72' 35.76m/s 4. Aug 23 18:45 Contrail 137.01 m (6 s) ~~ 48.7' 36.1m/s 5. Aug 23 18:45 Contrail 153.96 m (5 s) ~~ 42.7' 38.1m/s 6. Aug 23 18:46 Contrail 168.02 m (5 s) ~~ 39.4' 40.1m/s 7. Aug 23 18:47 Fusillade 109.3 m (3 s) ~~ 17' 40.25m/s 8. Aug 23 18:48 Fusillade 143.41 m (3 s) ~~ 20' 44.25m/s 9. Aug 23 18:49 Fusillade 114.06 m (3 s) ~~ 17' 41.25m/s ===========================[ 9 shots (time sort) ]============================ "GOOD SHOOTING, ROBOTS," Arty says. "THE LOW GRAVITY CLEARLY THREW OFF SOME OF YOUR CALCULATIONS, HA HA. BUT THE REST OF YOU ADAPTED. I AM PLEASED, THOUGH OF COURSE I COULD HAVE EASILY MADE THOSE SHOTS. IT IS ALL I DO. AND NOW FOR A WORD FROM MR. METER!" And out runs mascot in a anthropomorphised meter costume! It's a meter tall, so we can assume there's a dwarf in a space suit underneath. "Hey, kids! I'm Mr. Meter, and I'm here to say stop using those STUPID feet and yards to measure distances! How many feet are in a mile? Hell if I know! Just use the metric system! It's easy! How many meters are in a kilometer? One thousand! It's so easy, even Blot could figure it out." The camera switches to a picture of Blot in the Decepticon Locker Room. He's picking his nose. "THANK YOU MR. METER," Arty says. "AND NOW THE LAST TWO CONTESTANTS MUST FACE THEIR GREATEST CHALLENGE. THEY MUST HIT A TARGET WITHIN... 145 METERS!" Arty fires another paintball shell at the last two contestants. GAME: Repugnus rolls a (100)-sided die: ROLL: Laserbeak rolled a 80 ROLL: Fusillade rolled a 78 Laserbeak swoops back up to the cannon. Any more trips here and he'd be earning valuable Frequent Vulture Miles. His beady eyes look over to Fusillade, then either with disregard or not, he plugs himself back into the cannon. It's really hard to tell expressions with vultures. He looks over to the strange meter costume, with the urge to just....carry the little thing off into oblivion. Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot! BOOM!! Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot! THOOOM! Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot! KA BOOM!!! Fortress Maximus accelerates in from the area of Mercury. "Well if they calculate it by percentage of body covered, of COURSE it's always going to be him, he's TINY!" Fusillade gripes, pointing at MR. METER as she does so, perhaps to emphasize Laserbeak's size in relation to him. She phhhhhts at Laserbeak's inscrutible glare, perhaps still flush from the full weapon heavyweight match. Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot! THOOOM! Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot! KEeeeeeeeeeerrrBOOM!!! Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot! SPLOOSH! ]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]=========================== 10. Aug 23 19:00 Laserbeak 146.69 m (6 s) ~~ 48.22' 37.76m/s 11. Aug 23 19:01 Laserbeak 154.31 m (6 s) ~~ 48.41' 38.76m/s 12. Aug 23 19:01 Laserbeak 117.68 m (5 s) ~~ 48.22' 33.76m/s 13. Aug 23 19:03 Fusillade 167.91 m (4 s) ~~ 20' 48.25m/s 14. Aug 23 19:04 Fusillade 115.66 m (3 s) ~~ 20' 39.25m/s 15. Aug 23 19:05 Fusillade 115.66 m (3 s) ~~ 20' 39.25m/s ===========================[ 15 shots (time sort) ]=========================== There is going to be some Gold Medal perching going on today! Not that Laserbeak shows it of course, he is much too humble a servant of the, oh who is he kidding? He takes some victory laps over the entire congregation, wishing he had a napalm supply for just such an occasion. Fortress Maximus cruises in from the depths of space. Wheelie has been there the whole time, just sorta biting his lip when the Decepticons managed to DOMINATE the podium stand. "I don't like this one bit, it's too bad we Autobots can't aim for.." Before he can finish the sentence, he's pulled away by an Autobot gumbie. Dust Devil has disappeared, probably heading back to base before someone catches him out and about. The flag is snagged on the access panel that Dusty escaped back through. "CONGRATULATIONS, LASERBEAK, YOU ARE THE WINNER. IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR MEDAL, I WILL PAINT YOU GOLD." Arty loads up a shell filled with gold paint, and while it's a paintball round, it hits with considerable force on impact (which it likely will, Arty is a VERY good shot). "AND SILVER." He loads up a silver paint round, and fires again at Fusillade! "AND BRONZE!" Arty fires another shot at Contrail, filled with Bronze paint. Fusillade GAHS and thuds over on her side. "Ugh there probably isn't even a medal in there!" Backblast scowls a little and checks over his gun, shrugging a little. "No wonder the shots were all over the place, it's a smeggin' smoothbore..." He mutters after a few moments, then laugh as he watches the three Cons get painted! "Haw haw!" Laserbeak gets knocked right out of the air, his wings flapping in protest as the gold paint covers him. He barely manages to close one eye before it catches him in the face. The bird lays pathetic on the ground, like an oil-covered seagull, squawking pathetically, and half blind. Hubcap nudges his fellow Minibot with an elbow. "/We/ didn't think to share the angle amongst ourselves. Can't blame a 'Con for being sneaky." Contrail blinks several times as bronze paint drips down her body. She holds her arms out, looking incredulous. Then Contrail tries to wipe off her body futilely with her hands. She sputters, "This is going to ruin my all-terrain-proofing, gah!" =============================== 2033 Olympics ================================Message: 37/32 Posted AuthorArtillery Range Fri Aug 24 Repugnus------------------------------------------------------------------------------For the artillery event, Laserbeak wins the gold, Fusillade gets silver, and Contrail gets bronze! ==============================================================================
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