| abstract
| - A Member of Parliament is a pathological liar whose lies have become so deep-rooted that they have altered the brain's internal structure: indeed the word parliament derives from two French words, 'parler' meaning 'to speak' and 'mentir' meaning 'to lie'. The brain of an MP invariably becomes so malformed that it begins to alter the rest of the body's DNA to the extent that they technically become a human sub-species. MPs have a total inability to give a meaningful answer to a question, for example, asking one "Do you want fries with that?" would result in a response such as "Fries are not the issue here and whether I want them is a matter for me and my party to decide but what we can say is this: our record on fries is second to none and has never been up for debate". All MPs are ultimately descended from the evil, immortal empress Margaret Thatcher who finally took on bodily form in the 20th Century. Some MPs vehemently deny this and argue that they are the anti-Thatcher, however, this is just another of their lies. Albert Einstein spent much of his life trying to prove this link but sadly he failed. His work was not in vain however, as it formed the basis of the proof that finally came about in 1985 by the work of eminent scientist Rolf Harris. Interestingly, the total percentage of MPs who believe they are of Thatcher and those that don't, while varying from year to year, always adds up to 100. In 83BC, the kingdom of the MPs was almost destroyed in the War of the Pixies. A formidable army of 125 8-inch tall Pixies from a village near Doncaster, led by the greek Goddess of Victory, Nike, and armed to the teeth with plastic spoons, squared up the MPs on the plains of Scunthorpe. The MPs were almost routed when their leader, the evil empress Margaret Thatcher used forbidden magic (involving a small pot of strawberry yogurt and the key from a tin of corned beef) to destroy the Pixie hordes. The result of this taboo was her inability to take on bodily form for almost two millennia. Nike managed to flee but not before decapitating three shadow back-benchers, which is why, to this day, MPs have a morbid fear of sportswear.
- A Member of Parliament or MP is a politician who has been elected to their national parliament, for example the British House of Commons at Westminster or the Canadian House of Commons. The US House of congress has some similarities, except that while in a Parliamentary system Parliament makes laws and forms Governments, in a Presidential system such as in the US, Congress makes laws and the President forms Governments. So a Member of Parliament can also be a minister or Prime minister.
- A Member of Parliament is a representative of the voters to a parliament. Members of parliament tend to form parliamentary parties with members of the same political party. The term Member of Parliament is often shortened in the media and in every day use to the initialism "MP".
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