Early explorers and researchers believe the Ozarks were created by the Green Lantern, who was jealous of Superman's Fortress of Solitude. However, modern statisticians, comic-book junkies, and a sloo of nerdy virgins have made revolutionary discoveries that have turned conventional wisdom on its ear. The latest theories hold that an unknown group of people from a distant region (possibly somewhere over the rainbow) were threatened in their native land by a massive flood. Escaping the rising waters, they constructed massive wooden ships and sailed eastward through Kansas and on toward the Atlantic.
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| - Early explorers and researchers believe the Ozarks were created by the Green Lantern, who was jealous of Superman's Fortress of Solitude. However, modern statisticians, comic-book junkies, and a sloo of nerdy virgins have made revolutionary discoveries that have turned conventional wisdom on its ear. The latest theories hold that an unknown group of people from a distant region (possibly somewhere over the rainbow) were threatened in their native land by a massive flood. Escaping the rising waters, they constructed massive wooden ships and sailed eastward through Kansas and on toward the Atlantic.
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| - Cuisine
- Features
- Languages
- Population
- Region
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- Subregion
- Nation
- Founded
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| - No rusting cars in front yards here. Ozark folks keep their cars properly garaged.
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| - 237452(xsd:integer)
- United States of America
- Midwest
- 97331.0
- Hardly any
- Hillbillies, leeches, kudzu
- The Aardvarks
- The Ozarks, you wingnut
- Hillbillies, leeches, kudzu, arson, kid playing banjo on porch
- Land of Enchumpment, The Place That Will Make You Squeal Like a Pig
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| - Administrative status
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| - Early explorers and researchers believe the Ozarks were created by the Green Lantern, who was jealous of Superman's Fortress of Solitude. However, modern statisticians, comic-book junkies, and a sloo of nerdy virgins have made revolutionary discoveries that have turned conventional wisdom on its ear. The latest theories hold that an unknown group of people from a distant region (possibly somewhere over the rainbow) were threatened in their native land by a massive flood. Escaping the rising waters, they constructed massive wooden ships and sailed eastward through Kansas and on toward the Atlantic. Unfortunately, upon crossing through Misery many lost their will to continue the voyage and beached their ships there. The large amount of kudzu in their holds - a staple of their diets - eventually burst forth, swiftly covering the land in an unyielding, unbroken leafen grip. This shroud has completely obscured the original vessels; today, the original Oz-arks are indistinguishable from the rest of the landscape. However, the hulks of these beached vessels are believed to form the foundations of some of the more prominent structures in the region, including the temple to the God of Starvation.
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