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| - Arthur: Ah, Christmas. (He is at the piano, playing the song.) Only three more days until the big day. And this one's gonna be the best one ever. "Perfect Christmas" Do you want some more? Yes, ma'am! What, no tinsel? Not on this tree! But I want tinsel! Well, you can have all the tinsel you like! When you are as old as me Read family (Pal) Arthur, we think you're great! (Howls) Arthur: Hmm. D.W.: Arthur! Arthur: Yah! D.W.: What are you doing?! Why are you so calm?! Don't you know there are only three days till Christmas?! Arthur: So? D.W.: So. There's work to be done. (hands him the paper and a pencil) You have to write my wish list to Santa. (She walks slightly away and strikes a pose.) "My dearest Santa..." (Arthur makes as if to write.) No, no, no. That's too gushy. What about... "Hiya, Santa!" Ahh. That's way too friendly. (pulls on his shirt) Come on, Arthur! I need ideas. I've only had four Christmases in my whole life. What should I write? Arthur: (sighs) Well, everything will be almost perfect. Mrs. Read: D.W.., come on! We're gonna be late for school! D.W.: You wrote "Santa Claus," right? Not "Santa Cruise"? I don't' want it to go to the wrong place. Arthur: Yes, D.W. Mom, could you turn on the radio? I wanna see if it's gonna snow. Radio Jingle: What's always at your feet and is really, really sweet? It's Tina the Talking Tabby! D.W.: Don't even think about touching that dial! Radio Jingle: Just scratch behind her ears and this is what you'll hear: "I'm Tina the Talking Tabby." Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina... Arthur: (covering his ears with the flaps of his hat) Mom, change the station, please. It's giving me a headache. Mom hits a button and changes the station to a preset, 107.3 FM. A lively instrumental tune begins playing that, while not recognizable as anything on the special itself, is part of the music used for the version of "Jingle Bells" featured on the Arthur's Perfect Christmas album release. D.W.: Mom! That's the toy I really want. The one I just wrote Santa about. You put it at the top of the list, right, Arthur? Arthur: (very put-out) Yes, D.W. D.W.: (shown from the car mirror) Mom, Santa'll get it for me, won't he? Mrs. Read: Oh, I don't know, honey. We'll just have to wait and see. Muffy: Francine! (catches up to her) Hi, Francine! Only one more day until my big party. Aren't you excited? Francine: Muffy, I already told you, I... Muffy: (pointing) Oh, there's George. I forgot to invite him. (walks away) Francine: Ugh. Arthur: (joining her) Hi, Francine. What's wrong? Francine: (pointing at Muffy, who is talking to George) Muffy, that's what's wrong. She still thinks I'm coming to her party, even though I've told her I can't go. Arthur: Why not? Francine: Because my family's having a Chanukah party tomorrow. We do it every year. When we light the last candle on the Menorah. Arthur: Maybe you need to tell her again. Francine: (as Muffy hands George an invitation in the background) I've alread told her like a million times. It doesn't do any good. Watch. (She goes up to Muffy.) Muffy: Okay, see you there, George! (George departs.) Francine: Muffy, I'm not coming to your party tomorrow. Muffy: Oh, guess what! I got The Squabs! You know, the rock band? (heads for the doors) It's going to be so cool. (She enters the school.) Francine: See what I mean?! It's like talking to a wall! (turns around, see nobody there) Arthur? George: And in Sweden, they have a parade early in the morning on December 13th, where people follow the Queen of Lights, who wears a crown of candles. George: My grandparents sent me some lutefisk. Fish that's been dried and boiled. Pass it around. Buster: Yum! Mmm, not bad! Binky: Every Christmas, my parents and I work at a soup kitchen and help feed homeless people. This year, I get to make dessert. (Mr. Ratburn sniffs hopefully, his sweet tooth activated. Binky draws off the cloth.) Presenting the Binky Barnes pecan pie! Any volunteers? Mr. Ratburn: I believe you have to shell the pecans, Binky. Binky: Oh! Buster: (to Arthur) I like it! (Arthur pushes his slice away.) Mr. Ratburn: Okay, class. Before you leave for vacation, there's still the matter of homework. (All groan, Sue Ellen and George lower their heads.) I've decided not to assign you any reading. (All cheer.) Instead, you can write a five-page describing what you did over the holidays. (The bell rings.) Class dismissed. Arthur: I knew it was too good to be true. Hey, I have to do some shopping. Wanna come? Buster: (looking very tired, with bags under eyes) Nah. I'm going right to bed. (yawns) My mother woke me up at 6 this morning. She thought it was Christmas. Arthur: She did? Buster: Yeah. It's happened every year since my parents got divorced. Buster: (narrating) On the days before Christmas, my Mom starts getting up really early. Bitzi: (wake with a start and gasps) It's Christmas! Buster: (narrating) She cooks pancakes and puts out all the presents. (The sequence ends.) Then, I tell her it's only December 23rd and she goes back to bed. Arthur: Weird. Buster: I think she just gets really nervous that I don't have a good Christmas because my Dad's not with us. Arthur: That's too bad. Buster: Yeah. Sometimes I wish Christmas wasn't such a big deal. Muffy: I, Muffy, the Princess of Christmas, invite one-and-all to my holiday extravaganza! Binky: (turning to Brain) Her what? Muffy: (without the drumbeat) My party! (drumbeat resumes) It's at 5-o-clock tomorrow! Presents for everyone! (The megaphone squeals and she knocks on the roof to indicate for the limo to take off.) Oh, Francine, why don't you come early so you can help me set up?! Francine: But, Muffy, I told you I can't come! (Muffy departs and George stands next to Francine.) Ugh! Why can't she listen? George: Lutefisk? Arthur: Wow! Mrs. Read: (looking troubled) Wait till you see the line for the bathrooms. (cheers up) Okay, let's synchronize our watches. 3:15? Arthur: (checking his own watch) Check. Mrs. Read: I'll meet you back at the candy cane in exactly one hour. Arthur: Excuse me. TV Announcer: It peels, it cores, it shreds! It hashes! It juliennes! It even cooks for you! It's an entire kitchen at the press of a button! ('The machine shoots electricity into a carrot.) It's the Veginator! Now on sale for only $5.99! ($5.99 flashes as a graphic on-screen.) Arthur: (with $5.99 reflected in his glasses) Wow! That's perfect for Dad! (He taps on the shoulder of a bear store-clerk.) Um, excuse me, sir? Clerk: Sorry, we're sold out. Arthur: Aw. Clerk: But allow me to show you something else. Clerk: Yes, sir. Selling like hotcakes! (There are tons of them left.) Uncle Niko's Olive De-pitter! You just stick an olive in, and out pops the pit! (He demonstrates. The pit hits Arthur's glasses.) Arthur: Um... I don't know. Clerk: I'll throw in the olives. Arthur: Only one more present to go. Hmm. What to get Mom? (He spots something in a window display.) Hey! It's that little glass bird that I broke last summer. D.W.: Help! Help! Arthur, leave me alone! D.W.: Arthur did it! Arthur did it! Arthur: Mom loved that bird. This'll really surprise her. Arthur: Oh, brother. Jill: Excuse me, young man. Can I help you? Arthur: (startled awake) Huh? Oh. Yeah. The little glass bird in the window, please. Jill: (gets it and places it in a box) I assume that will be cash. Arthur: (pulling out a bunch of coins) Yes, ma'am! 25... 35... 45... (the cashier falls asleep) 56... 57... 58... 59... There! Nine dollars and fifty-nine cents. Jill: Huh? Oh yeah, here you go. Arthur: Thanks! Happy holidays! Arthur: Oh, no! It's 4:13! Arthur: Excuse me, sir. How do I get to the entrance with the giant candy cane? Security Guard: Now which giant candy cane would you be wantin', son? There's the giant green one in the Winter Wonderland, and there's the giant pink one by the reindeer stables, and... Arthur: The giant red one, with the elves. Security Guard: That would be Santa's Workshop. Quickest way is through Toy Town. Loudspeaker: Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Arthur: Ugh! That song! Loudspeaker: Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Arthur: (covering his ears) Ugh! Oh... Loudspeaker: Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina... Mrs. Read: ('indicating her watch) Right on time. Did you get everything you needed? Arthur: Yep. How about you? 'Mrs. Read: Well, almost everything. There was just one thing that was all sold out. Mrs. Read: Now, D.W. You know that Santa can't always get exactly the thing you want. D.W.: Why? Because I've been bad? Mrs. Read: (putting her arm on D.W.'s shoulder) No, D.W., you haven't been bad. It's just that, there are a lot of children wishing for the same thing, and... D.W.: It's because Arthur wrote my letter all wrong, isn't it?! (She snaps her cookie into crumbs.) Boy, if you want something done right, you've gotta do it yourself. Mr. Read: (appearing in the doorway) Hey, everyone! I've got a big surprise. Uncle Fred's video Christmas card! Uncle Fred: Is this thing on? Oh, heh, it is! (putting his face right up against the camera) Hi, Sis! Hi, David, Arthur, D.W., and, of course, widdle Kate! (Kate giggles.) It's me, your Uncle Fred! (sound of dog barking) And, Rory! (Rory licks the camera. Both are dressed in tropical outfits and sunglasses.) We're sorry, everybody, but we can't be with you this Christmas because we're going to... Arthur and D.W.: Hawaii?! Uncle Fred: ('waving his arms expansively and knocking over a lamp) Florida! (everything goes dark, sound of record needle scratching) What the heck was that?! Hey, who-who turned out the lights? (Rory sniffs at the camera.) Hey, Rory! No, that's not a dog treat! Mrs. Read: Oh, that Fred. D.W.: He's so funny! Arthur: Remember last Christmas, he stepped on that tea-set Dad got for Mom? (chuckles) Mrs. Read: That wasn't so funny. (A timer dings.) Dinner! It's your favorite, Arthur. Arthur: But won't Christmas dinner be kind of boring if we have the same thing tonight? Mrs. Read: Your father was thinking of doing something a little different this year. Mr. Read: We're going to have a really authentic Christmas dinner. The kind they might have actually eaten in Bethlehem when Jesus was born. Arthur: Did they have pumpkin pie back then? Mr. Read: Uh, no. The pumpkin is a new world vegetable. (pulls out a book) But with the help of this History of Cooking book, I think I can put together a delicious meal. Let's see. We can have roast lamb with turmeric, unleavened bread and puls, an ancient Roman dish made from ashed chickpeas and wheat. Mmm. Sounds great. D.W.: Daddy, there's sand in my hummus! Arthur: And my puls is cold! Uncle Fred: (offering Arthur a large meat-bone) Hey, Arthur, want my camel? Arthur: Eugh! No thanks! The scene ends. Mr. Read: (flipping through the book) And chocolate-covered dates! Oh, no, sorry, no chocolate. That's an Aztec food. Mrs. Read: It'll be fun. Arthur? Arthur: (unenthusiastic) I guess. Bitzi': (entering his room and speaking musically) Rise and shine, sleepyhead! It's Christmas! Christmas is here! (shaking him) Christmas, Christmas, Christmas! Buster: Huh? Bitzi: Pancakes are on the table, and I see lots and lots of presents in the living room! Bitzi: I'm sorry, Buster. Buster: It's okay, Mom. Hey, at least I get pancakes for breakfast every morning. Bitzi: Ugh. I just can't wait for the holidays to be over. Tommy': Hey, look, Timmy, D.W.'s mailing a letter to Santa! Timmy: What a baby! Tommy: Are you asking for a new rattle? D.W.: For your information, this is not a letter to Santa! It's to, um, the President of the United States. So there! Tommy: (to Timmy) Oh, so he's the one who gets us all the presents. D.W.: Don't let me down, Santa. I'm counting on you. The Squabs: Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year / Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year / May your holiday be merry and bright / May your season be merry and outta sight / Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year / Have you heard the news? Santa Claus is coming to town / Yeah, have you heard the news? Santa Claus is coming to town / Hang your stockings by the chimney with care / Turn the stereo up and if you dare... / Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year Arthur: Where's the snow? Christmas is tomorrow and there's still no snow. Brain: (playing a pin-the-tail-on-Rudolph game) Well, you know, Arthur, no one actually knows what day Jesus was born on. The holiday is in December probably because that's when the Romans celebrated winter solstice and most likely they adopted that tradition from the Babylonians. Arthur: I don't care. I still want snow. Muffy: (speaking into a microphone', accompanied by low drumbeat) Gather 'round, my subjects. I, Muffy, the Princess of Christmas, will now give out your presents. (The low drumbeat stops and she walks over to a present. She picks it up, then lounges on her throne.) The first one is for... Francine Frensky. (silence, sound of microphone feedback and murmuring) I said, Francine Frensky! Will Miss Frensky come to the stage to accept her present? Francine: Gimmel! I win again! Yes! Catherine: (walking into the room) Francine! It's for you! Francine: Hello! (Her hair is blown back as if hit by a stiff wind.) Muffy: (over the phone) Where are you?! Everybody's waiting for you to accept your present, but you're not here! Francine: Muffy! I told you exactly... (pulls a piece of paper from her pocket) five... ten... fifteen... twenty... twenty-five... twenty-eight times that I couldn't come to your party because it's Chanukah! But you just didn't listen! Muffy: But you could see your family any old day. Besides, it's not like Chanukah is as important as Christmas! Francine: (gasps) Well, it is to me! (slams the phone down) Muffy: (gasps) How rude! (grabs the microphone) Okay! Who wants Francine's present? Arthur: Buster, wake up! Buster: (waking with a start and grunting in confusion) Huh? is it Christmas again? Arthur: No. And you have cake on your face. Buster: (looking dreamy) Ah, that's nice. (slurps up the cake) Brain: Buster, maybe you and your Mom shouldn't have Christmas. It just makes you really tired. Buster: I know. But I don't know what else to do. Arthur: Why not create your own holiday? Buster: You can't just invent a holiday, Arthur. Brain: Well, sure you can. My family celebrates Kwanzaa and that was invented for African-Americans by Dr. Mulana Karenga in 1966. Arthur: See, Buster? You could celebrate... Baxter Day. Buster: (puts his hand on his head and looks thoughtful) Hmm. Baxter Day. I wonder what that would be like. We could just read books Stories that would make us laugh! And if we got dirty We wouldn't even have to take a bath, you know why? Because it's Baxter Day! Oh, yeah, baby, it's Baxter Day! Stop whatever you're doing, let me hear you say "Today is Baxter Day!" It's just a relaxer day Yes, today is Baxter Day All day, that is. Buster: Yeah, it is a good idea. (ears droop) But my Mom would never go for it. Arthur: You don't know for sure unless you ask her. Buster: (his ears perk up and he looks thoughtful again) Hmm. Mr. Ratburn: Eugh! Did you put sugar in these brownies, Binky? Binky: (pulling out a pad and pencil) Sugar. So that's what makes them sweet. Arthur: What's that? D.W.: It's our tree, silly! Arthur: But... but it's all fluffy. D.W.: So? Arthur': It doesn't look like a real Christmas tree. Mrs. Read: What did you have in mind? Arthur: Well, you know, a traditional tree with gold and silver balls and popcorn, not unicorns. Mrs. Read: (offering him some ornaments) Well, you can make the rest of the tree just how you want it. D.W.: I'll help! Arthur: No, you won't. D.W.: (folding her arms and scowling) Hmph! Arthur: Hmm. There! Arthur: I guess if you cover the bottom part. Oh, what am I saying? It's still weird-looking. Mr. Read: (poking his head in the living room) Come on, Arthur. We don't wanna be late for church. Radio Ad: Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Arthur: Dad, can you please put something else on? That ad is driving me crazy. Radio Ad: Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the talking Tabby! Singer: Crazy bus, crazy bus, riding on a crazy bus! Singer: Riding up and riding down and driven by a funny clown. Wacky, goony... Binky: Hey, Arthur! I've got a Christmas present for ya'. Arthur: Really? Binky: It's the very first slice of Binky Barnes banana bread. Arthur: Uh, thanks. Binky: What are you waiting for? Aren't you going to try it? Arthur: (does so and grimaces) Ew! Did you peel the bananas?! Binky: (pulling out the pad and pencil again) Peel... bananas... 'He walks away and the scene changes to the Read household, where Arthur is addressing his gift to his mother. Arthur: To: Mom. Love Arthur. There. Mom is gonna be so surprised. I can't wait till he opens it. (He shuts off the light and admires the Christmas tree.) It's not so bad-looking, really. Good night, tree. See you bright and early. D.W.: (switching on the light) Arthur, there's no fire in the fireplace, is there? (She looks in.) Arthur: No. Why? D.W.: So Santa doesn't get burned, silly. Am I the only one thinking of Santa's best interest here? D.W.: Here's a little snack for him. It's a long way from the North Pole and he has to work all night! (Arthur snags one of the cookies sitting next to the milk.) Stop! Those are Santa's cookies! It's kids like you that get lumps of coal, Arthur Read. (Arthur looks shocked and puts the cookie back.) Follow me! There's one more thing we have to do. Arthur: What's that for? D.W.: The reindeer. They get thirsty too. Arthur: Look! A snowflake! I don't believe it! It's going to... (Lightning flashes and it starts pouring. D.W. races inside.) Rain. Arthur: Oh well. Even if it doesn't snow tomorrow, it's still Christmas. (removes his glasses) One thing's for sure, Mom is really gonna love that bird. At least that will turn out to be perfect. (He rubs Pal's head.) Good night, boy. (Pal yips, sound of a car.) What was that?! Uncle Fred: And I was just coming by to drop off some presents when the truck started smoking. I don't know what the heck is wrong with it. Mr. Read: (noticing Arthur) Arthur, look who's here. Arthur: Uncle Fred! (He rushes and gives him a hug.) Uncle Fred: Hey, Arthur. How the heck are ya'? (standing back up) Sorry about the fence. I, uh, had a little trouble parking. You know, clumsy me. Arthur: (giggles) Cut it out, Rory! Uncle Fred: (chuckles) Rory just loves Pal. Mrs. Read: Okay, Arthur, back to bed. You'll see Uncle Fred tomorrow. He'll be staying with us tonight. Arthur: That's great! Well, goodnight, Uncle Fred. Come on, Pal. Pal? (He notices what is happening.) Oh, no! (The two dogs are sizing each other up and growling. Arthur gasps and waves his hands.) No! Rory, Pal! Stop it! Arthur: (chasing him around the couch) Give that back! That's Mom's present! Arthur: Hiya! Whoa! Whoa! Uncle Fred: (pouring himself milk into his tea) We're just lucky the truck went kerploeey right near your driveway. I mean, what a coincidence. Right? (The cup is overflowing, but Fred is still pouring.) Mrs. Read: Um, Fred, your tea... Uncle Fred Whoops... Oh, clumsy me! Oh, gosh, it's on the floor, too! Mr. Read: I'll get some paper towels. Mrs. Read: That's alright, we've got napkins. Uncle Fred: I'll get it. (They bump heads.) Mrs. Read and Uncle Fred: Ow! Arthur: Whoa! Whoa! Rory, stop! You'll break it! That's not a doggy toy! Oh, no. Pal, get out of the way! Pal, get out of the way! Arthur: Whew. Mr. Read: Arthur. Back to bed, now. Arthur: But... Mr. Read: No buts. You and Pal can play with Rory tomorrow. Arthur: It'll be safe in here. D.W.: (wonderingly) It's Christmas. (She gets up and opens her door.) Wake up, everyone! It's Christmas! (She runs into Arthur's room and starts shaking him.) Arthur, wake up! It's Christmas, it's Christmas! Arthur: (looking slightly stunned, as Pal whines) Huh? D.W.: (now in her parents' room) Mommy, Daddy, Christmas is here! Wake up, wake up! Time to open the presents! Time to... D.W.: Whoa. Uncle Fred: Ho, ho! Well, hello there! D.W. (racing away) Huh? Uncle Fred: Ow! Arthur: (waving) Morning, Uncle Fred. Merry Christmas! Uncle Fred: Merry Christmas, sport! D.W.: Santa's in our bathroom, Daddy! He has a big white beard and a red suit and it was really, really him. Mr. Read: (yawning widely) Alright. Alright. D.W.: Santa? Are you through in there? I want you to meet my Dad. D.W.: I think Santa's a little hard of hearing. Arthur: Can't a kid get any privacy around here? D.W.: Oops! Sorry! Buster: Hey, Mom. Wake up! It's Christmas! Bitzi: (waking and sitting up) It is? Really? Are you sure it's the 25th? Buster: (holding up his calendar) Yep. See? (He points at the circled date.) Bitzi: (getting up and putting on her glasses) Okay! Time for presents, time for pancakes. Let's get this show on the road. Buster: Cool, it's CyberCod! Bitzi: I'm sorry, Buster. We can return it. Buster: (confused) Huh? Why? Bitzi: Because you already have that one. See? (holds up a figure that looks similar, but decidedly not the same) I found it in your room right after I bought the other one. Buster: That's TechnoTrout, Mom. He's very different. He has a speckled belly and he doesn't have CyberCod's kung-fu feet. (He demonstrates.) Bitzi: Oh, thank goodness! (Black smoke wafts towards her. There is a sound of sizzling.) Oh, no! The pancakes are burning! The pancakes are burning! Buster: It's okay, Mom. I like them kinda brown. (He gets up and walks over as she puts one on a plate.) Or black. Bitzi: (as the smoke alarm continues to sound) Oh, no. Muffy: The Cindy Crawfish mini-makeup kit. Thank you, Mom and Dad! Muffy: Let's see, that makes... ( runs a total on a calculator, her eyes widen) 37 presents, including the calculator. This was the biggest Christmas ever. (She hugs her Mom and Dad, then heads back over to the makeup kit.) I can't wait to try this out. (She applies some powder to her face, then looks at it in the kit's mirror.) I don't need makeup. I'm already beautiful. (gasps) But Francine doesn't have any. And she sure could use some. (She gets up, pulls out her cell-phone, extends the antenna, then stops and sighs.) Oh, wait. I can't call her. We're not friends anymore. Who am I gonna tell about all my cool presents? "What's the Use of Presents?" Oh, these video games are just so lame When you only play the computer And who will I take to see Swan Lake? I guess I will bring my tutor Oh, that'll be a lot of fun. Mr. Crosswire: I've got an idea, sweet-ums. Let's take the Rolls out for a spin. Maybe it'll take your mind off things. He sits down with her and the scene changes to the Reads, where Uncle Fred is playing with Baby Kate and an instrumental of "Angels We Have Heard On High" is playing in the background, again in the same style as the version heard on the Arthur's Perfect Christmas music album. Grandma Thora and Grandpa Dave are there now. Grandpa Dave: Great coffee, David. Mr. Read: Actually, it's not coffee. It's ground bark. They didn't have coffee in ancient Jerusalem. Grandpa Dave: Oh. Grandma Thora: (to Mrs. Read) And what does your brother Fred do, dear? Mrs. Read: He works in a china shop. Uncle Fred: (baby voice) You wike the widdle wattle, don't you, don't you? Uncle Fred: Oops. D.W.: I'm telling you, it was Santa in the bathroom. Arthur: It was probably just Uncle Fred. D.W.: Since when does Uncle Fred have a white beard? Arthur: Well, why would Santa be in the morning? He does all his work at night. D.W.: He was running a little late, probably because you wrote my first wish list all wrong. Mr. Read: (tapping his cup to get everyone's attention, clears throat) Uh, attention, everyone. I think it's time we got started on those presents. D.W.: Finally! (She reaches for the ribbon on one, but...) Arthur: Wait a minute! I'll be right back! Don't start without me! Arthur: Oh, this is gonna be so good. Can't wait to see Mom's expression. Mrs. Read: This is beautiful! It's the best present I've ever received. Arthur, you're perfect. (She puts her hand on his shoulder.) Grandma Thora: She's right, Arthur. You are perfect. Grandpa Dave: You're a grade-A grandson. Grandma Thora: (handing him a plaque) Here, dear. It's the Little Angel Award. Arthur: Wow! (He hugs it.) Grandma Thora: A special prize only given to perfect children. D.W.: (gapes, tugs on her sleeve) What about me, Grandma? Aren't I perfect, too? Grandma Thora: (patting her on the head) You're almost perfect, honey. Mrs. Read: Come on, everyone. We'd better hurry or we'll be late for the parade. Announcer: What a turnout for this Heroes of the 20th Century Parade. There's Albert Einstein, moving much slower than the speed of light. And Mahatma Gandhi, showing no resistance, passive or otherwise, to this adoring crowd. And that... yes, yes it is! It's the Arthur Read balloon! (The balloon is held aloft a float bearing Arthur himself. It's wearing his usual yellow shirt and blue pants outfit, rather than the winter clothes Arthur himself is wearing.) The crowd is going wild, and with good reason! Arthur is the perfect eight-year-old boy! (The camera cuts to show Arthur close. He's wearing a sash that reads "PERFECT.") Crowd: (chanting) Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! ... ... Arthur: (contented) Ahhh... Arthur: Oh, please, please, please, just don't be... Arthur: Oh no. Waiter: (affecting a French accent) And for monsieur, fromage american in a blanket of hen eggs. Buster: Huh? I thought I ordered a cheese omelet. Waiter: (normal voice) It is a cheese omelet. Buster: (picking up something green) Wow. This is the smallest piece of broccoli I've ever seen. Waiter: That's parsley. It's just a garnish. Buster: (eats it) Mmm. It's delicious. Can I have a side order of that? Bitzi: Are you having a good Christmas, so far, sweetie? Buster: (poking at some sort of ball in his plate, other hand on his head) Oh yeah, great. It's just... Bitzi: Oh. Is the restaurant, isn't it? It's the place for brunch, but we don't have to stay here if you don't like it. Buster: (his ears droop, and we can hear his thoughts) You've got to say something. (his ears shoot up, he looks startled) Just tell her Christmas doesn't have to be such a big deal. Mom, uh, everything's just great. Waiter: (with the French accent again) Here you are, monsieur. Herring puree with melted Gruyere... Cat-Guy: Whoa! Waiter: ...on your clean white shirt. Buster: (off-screen) Sorry! D.W.: This is torture. Can't... wait... much... longer. (gets up) Where's Arthur? Mrs. Read: He did say he'd be down in just a minute. Uncle Fred: (getting up) I'll go see what's taking him. Uncle Fred: Hey, little buddy. Uncle Fred: Everybody's waiting for you. (Arthur puts on his glasses and sits up.) Arthur, what's wrong? Arthur: (holding out the bird) This is what's wrong. (sniffles) It was my present for Mom and I broke it. Uncle Fred: Yikes. Maybe we could glue it back together. (Yeah, it's way past that point.) Arthur: No, it would look terrible. Everything's ruined. Uncle Fred: (sitting down next to him) Gee, that's a shame. But you know, Christmas is about more than just presents. Arthur: I know, that's what grown-ups always says, but she was really going to like this. Uncle Fred: (looking at the gift tag) Well, it's not over yet. There's still the whole day ahead of us. Let's go back down. (He gets up.) Arthur: Yeah, with my luck, I'll probably knock over the tree. (He gets up too.) Uncle Fred: Hey that's my job. Brain: Tada! One Kwanzaa Cream Special. The pistachio scoop symbolizes freedom, the licorice unity, and the raspberry, the African struggle for freedom. Muffy: Thanks, but I'm not hungry. (She pushes it away.) Why aren't you at home? Today's a holiday. Brain: Not for me. Kwanzaa doesn't start until tomorrow. Muffy: Oh. Daddy, next year, can I have a Kwanzaa party instead of a Christmas party? Mr. Crosswire: Uh, sure, pookie. Why? Muffy: 'Cause maybe Francine will be able to come to that one. Mr. Read: Another Veginator! Well, now I'll have a backup if these two break. D.W.: I know what this must be. (She unwraps it. Mr. and Mrs. Read look wary.) It's... a duck? Mrs. Read: But it's not just any duck, honey. It's a duck that can say 5,000 different things. D.W.: Can it say meow? Mrs. Read: Um, probably not. Are you upset? D.W.: (setting down the duck) No. D.W.: I wanted Tina the Talking Tabby! (flopping to the ground and pounding her fists) I wanted Tina the Talking Tabby! (The view shows the outside of the Read house.) I WANTED TINA (sobs indecipherably) I wanted Tabby... (gets up) Santa, how could you? This is the worst Christmas ever! (She leans over on the stuffed duck, activating him.) Duck: Hello! I'm Quackers! (She picks him up.) I love you. Do you love... me? D.W.: You're kind of... cute, for someone who's not a kitty. Quackers: Quack-a-doodle-doo! Mrs. Read: Ooh, Dad. This is lovely! Grandpa Dave: Well, nothin's too good for my little girl. Arthur: (thinking, as Mrs. Read pulls a vase out of the present) Oh. Mom probably thinks I just forgot to get her a present. I should tell her what happened. Quackers: Quack, quack, quack, quack-a-doodle-doo. Mrs. Read: Twice!? I can understand breaking my bird once, but twice?! Grandpa Dave: Dear, I hate to tell you this, but he's inherited the clumsy gene. Uncle Dave: He's even worse than me. Binky: (appearing out of nowhere) Doofus, doofus! (chuckles meanly) Arthur: Binky? What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be in this fantasy. Binky: Oh, sorry. Try my peach cobbler? Arthur: (pointing) Get out! Arthur: Well, I guess I'd rather have Mom think I was a doofus than that I didn't get her anything. (walks over to her) Ah, this isn't gonna be easy. Mom. I've got something to tell you. Uncle Fred: (walking over by Arthur) Wait a minute! There's still one more present under the tree. (He goes and gets it.) It's for you, Jane. From Arthur. Arthur: It is? Mrs. Read: Arthur! This is beautiful. (shows it to Mr. Read) It's the tea set that Fred broke last Christmas. Uncle Fred: Better keep it away from me this year. (chuckles) Mrs. Read: Thank you, Arthur, I'm really touched. Arthur: But... But I... (sound of truck pulling up outside) Grandma Thora: There's a tow-truck outside. Uncle Fred: Hey, the mechanic came through. I didn't think anybody would be able to fix my truck on Christmas day (looks at Arthur) but I guess miracles do happen. Mr. Frensky: More lo mein, Franky? Francine: I'm stuffed. (sound of doorbell ringing, she gets up) That's weird. Who could that be? Francine: Muffy? Mr. Crosswire: Hi, Francine. We were, uh, just in the neighborhood and decided to drop by. Here, we got you a ham. (He hands the ham, labeled "Lonnie's Ham," to Mr. Frensky.) Mr. Frensky: Uh, thanks. Come on in! Muffy: Okay. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. It's just that you're my best friend and that party was really important to me. Francine: Come with me! I wanna show you something. This is our menorah. My great-grandmother brought it all the way from Poland. On the last night of Chanukah, all my relatives who live near Elwood City come over to our house. Francine: Everyone brings a dish of food they made. And we have a potluck dinner. Woman: You're gonna love my kugel, bubala. Francine: After we say the prayer and my Dad lights the candles, we put the menorah in the window. It's a really beautiful moment. It kinda makes me feel like I'm a part of something special. (The sequence ends.) Do you understand why that's really important to me? Muffy: Yeah, I do. (puts her hand on her shoulder) I'm sorry. I should have listened to you. Oliver: There's another special tradition we have, Muffy. It's something we do every year when Christians are celebrating Christmas. Muffy: What's that? Oliver and Francine: Go to the movies! Francine: Come on! Get your coat! Buster: This profiterole keeps rolling away. I shoulda had the ice cream. Bitzi: (looking at a list) And after this, we've got tickets for the Penguins On Ice Christmas special. Buster: Mom. Bitzi: Then we have to rush home so I can put the roast in and make Yorkshire pudding... Buster: Mom! Bitzi: ...and then we'll watch It's a Wonderful Life together for the fifth time, and... Buster: (leaning forward) Mom! Bitzi: Yes, Dear? Buster: This has been a really great Christmas so far. Bitzi: It has? Oh, I'm so relieved. Buster: But maybe it doesn't have to be so great every year. Maybe Christmas could be a day where we just... relax. Bitzi: Relax? On Christmas? Buster: You could sleep late. Bitzi: Hmm... Buster: And we don't even have to call it Christmas. It could be our own holiday. (hesitates and his ears droop) Baxter Day. Bitzi: (crumples her list) Check, please! The waiter brings over check. Buster stabs at his profiterole again with the spoon and it lands in the waiter's hair. Buster: Uh. Waiter: (as it slides down his face) Oh! Buster: Sorry! Grandma Thora: David, you reallly outdid yourself this time. Grandpa Dave: Oh. I'm gonna have to get a new belt. Arthur: Mmm. This halva is delicious. I wanna eat like this every Christmas. Could you pass the dates, Mom? Mr. Read: I love this new olive depitter, Arthur. Uncle Fred: (walking in) Hey, good news! I just called the garage. The mechanic was able to fix the truck. Looks like we're going to Florida after all, Rory. Arthur: That was your present for Mom, wasn't it? Uncle Fred: Yeah. But it was a whole lot nicer comin' from you. Arthur: Thanks, Uncle Fred. You were right. It turned out to be a pretty good Christmas after all. Uncle Fred: Remember, Arthur. You don't always get what you want in life. Sometimes you get something better. Grandpa Dave: (getting in) Alright. Let's get you two down to the garage. Mr. and Mrs. Read: Good-bye! Grandma Thora (waving) Safe trip! D.W.: Bye-bye, Uncle Fred! (holds out Quackers) Quackers: I love you! Uncle Fred: (waving) So long, everyone! Grandpa Dave: Sorry! (They drove away.) Mrs. Read: Oh! Like father, like son. Arthur: It's snowing. (It begins snowing in earnest.) It's snowing! Wow. This has been a perfect Christmas. Snowflakes falling real slowly / Everything looks so pretty / The day's almost done / I wonder what everyone's doing in Elwood City. Brain: Excellent. Dog-Guy: Mmm. These are terrific, son. Binky: Thanks. Mr. Ratburn: Let's see. We'll have a math test on January 15th and a history test on January 20th, a geography quiz on February 1st! Oh, this is going to be such a good year! The Frenskys and Crosswires are watching a movie. They're laughing, clearly enjoying it. We don't see what it is, but from the marquee, which is for Cinemas Mill Creek Mall 8, it could be any of the following: Quest for Mammoth, Jaws 12, Nadja and Dracula, Bionic Bunny: The Movie, 5000 Explosions and a Supernova, Slobbering Idiots, Kick Ball Kids: Field or Trip to Egypt. Now we see the Baxters on a rooftop somewhere. Bitzi: (pointing at something in the sky) How about that? Is that a UFO? Buster: (squinting) Mmm, no. That's just a satellite. (handing her a steaming cup) Happy Baxter Day, Mom. Arthur: Sometimes the thing you hope for / Isn't the thing you get / But after today I just have to say / This was the best Christmas yet. D.W.: (opening the door) Arthur! You'd better come inside before you catch "pewmonia." Arthur: (heading in) So, D.W., do you still like Santa even though he didn't get you what you wanted? D.W.: Of course! He knew that I would like Quackers much better than Tina. Look, I can even make him sing. (She activates the toy.) Quackers: Quick, quack, quaddy-quack, squeeze my belly, squeeze my back / Quooky, quacky, quicky quo... Arthur: (pulling the earflaps on his hat) Oh, no. (He and D.W. both head inside.) Quackers: Pull my bill, pull my toe / Quicky quacky, doodly do / You love me and I love you. Arthur: Happy holidays, everyone! Quackers: Quick, quack, quaddy-quack... Arthur: (closing the door) D.W., turn that thing off!
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