| abstract
| - Buckey O'Neil: Why, hello there! [removes glasses] I didn't see ya come in. I'm Buckey O'Neil. I was a famous hero in the civil war, and then I fought with Teddy Roosevelt in the rough riders. But my greatest achievement [silence for a few seconds and Buckey is seen with a wheelbarrow full of chicken] was my chicken! Heh! [a Yee-haw scream] When other folks were panning for gold nuggets, I was pannin' for chicken nuggets! The locals loved my chicken so much [gives chicken to kid] they traded all their land for it! Heh! Pretty convenient. And that's how the town of Aberdale was founded. [chicken clucks and logo appears] YEE-HAW! Clarence: [singing] The burgers here are good, the chicken nuggets good, the fries are good, and the soda pop is really good! [end of song] Jeff: I only like the fries here. Clarence: [gasp] What....? You don't like the burgers? Jeff: No. Clarence: What about the nuggets? Jeff: Nuh-Uh. Clarence: Not even the burgers? Jeff: Nah. Clarence: [silence for a second and while Clarence is talking, the screen moves to the Fun Dungeon] What about the Fun-Dungeon? Clarence: I want that one! Cashier: The Hip-Watchers Chicken Salad? Clarence: Yeah! Cashier: Okay, one Hip-Watchers Chicken Salad for you. Sumo: [mumbles] Uh, can I get a, uh, chicken burger with Rooster Sauce? Cashier: What was that, sweetie? Clarence: He said he wants a chicken burger with Rooster Sauce. Cashier: Okay, chicken burger with Rooster Sauce. Sumo: [mumbles] Yeah yeah, and chicken nuggets! Cashier: [confused] So..? Clarence: Didn't you hear him? He said he wants the chicken nuggets. Cashier: Alright then. [turns to Jeff] And what would you like? Jeff: I would like a Scout Meal. Cashier: [happily] Okay then! Jeff: [interrupts] Except, take out the burger. I just want the fries, the drink, and the toy. Cashier: Uh sweetie, we're not allowed to do that. You have to order the burger with it. Jeff: But I only like the fries here. Why can't I just get it, minus the burger? Cashier: 'Cause that's how it works. You order a Scout Meal, you have to get the burger. Jeff: Alright then, this is what I want you to do: I'd like a side of fries, a kid-size drink, and one of those toys; the boy one, not the girl one. And, you know those bags that say "Scout Meal"? Put it all in one of those for me. Please. Cashier: Honey, I am not gonna do that. Jeff: Hmm... Mary: [turns to Jeff] Jeff, why don't you just give the burger to Sumo? Sumo: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Jeff: I'm sorry Mary, but I can't. [Sumo becomes sad. Clarence pats his back and comforts him] It's the principle of the thing. Cashier: [to Mary] Ma'am, we can't give him a Scout Meal without the burger. It'd be against the rules. Mary: [whispers] Just put it on the side. Jeff: [mumbles] This is not what I wanted... Clarence: So you guys want to go to the Fun Dungeon yet? Jeff: [dipping his fries in ketchup] I don't think I will. Clarence: You're joking me, right? Jeff: I'm terrible at playing and- [Sumo interrupts Jeff's sentence as he jumps into his seat from behind with a ketchup-covered burger] Anyways, ball pits are filthy. Do you know how many kids have probably thrown up in there? Clarence: [whispers] But it's worth it! Sumo: [while splitting his burger] Hey Clarence, wanna try my "blood burger"? Clarence: [while pushing his dish forward] Sure, try all my stuff. Clarence: [patting his hand on the smoothie cup, making the smoothie come out] No, like this. Sumo and Clarence: Yummy! Clarence: [picking up a clump of the salad smoothie] You want some? Jeff: [holding his fries away from them] I'm-I'm good. Clarence: Okay. [he and Sumo resume eating, splattering smoothie around] Jeff: [looking at the bathroom] Mary, may I be excused? Clarence: [kneeling on the table) Hey buddy, can I have one of your [slow-motion] fries? Jeff: [pulling his fries away] NOOOOOO!!! Mary: Jeff, why don't we use our inside voices, okay? Clarence: Geez Jeff, take it easy. Jeff: I'm-I'm sorry, I just--I don't like people touching my fries. Clarence: [sitting down] I guess so... Jeff: I'm going to the bathroom. [putting his fries down on the table] Clarence, I want you to promise me. Make a solemn promise you will not touch my fries. I will stand here and pee myself until you promise. Clarence: Really? Jeff: [hand raised in the air and putting it down] Clarence, I'm serious. Do you promise? [Clarence blinks] Promise me. Clarence: What? Jeff: Promise me! Clarence: Alright, I won't touch your fries. Jeff: Really? Clarence: Yep. Jeff: [putting down his fries] I believe in you, Clarence. I know you're not going to lie to me. Clarence: [nodding] Oh yeah. Jeff: I'm walking to the bathroom. Clarence: 'Kay. Jeff: Walking around to the corner. Clarence: [Clarence nods] MM-HMM. Clarence: Hey Sumo. Sumo: [he looks up at Clarence] Hmm? Clarence: Guess what? Sumo: [mouth full] What? [Clarence grabs Jeff's fries] You gonna eat 'em? Clarence: [putting the fries in his pocket] No, I'm going to trick him into playing with us. Sumo: Alright! Clarence: He'll be so surprised when he find out they're in my pocket. Tee hee. Clarence: Sumo, wait! [taking off his shoes and puts them in the cubby] You gotta put your shoes in the cubby, see? [taking pink shoes out of the cubby] Then you put on a fresh pair. Sumo: Fresh.. [flushing is heard from the bathroom] Oh, he's coming out! Let's hide! Jeff: [stuttering] My f- my fr- my-- FRIIIES!!! Cashier: [looking at Jeff] Oh lord. Jeff: CLAAAAREEEEEEENNNCE!!! Sumo: Oh man, we sure got him. Clarence: Yeah we did. Now he has to have fun. Jeff: [angrily shaking Sumo] WHERE ARE THEY?! Sumo: [laughing] I don't know! Clarence is the mastermind! Jeff: Where are my fries, Clarence?! Clarence: Why don't you come get them? Hee hee. [crawls into a rope tunnel, seeing Jeff behind him at the start of it] See, isn't this fun??? Clarence: Pink or blue, pink or blue? [goes in the pink tunnel, just as Jeff enters, and goes after Clarence in the pink tunnel] Jeff: Clarence?! [sees a little girl] Girl: Hi. [Jeff passes by her] Bye. Sumo: [in a girly voice, playing with the toy] But dad I don't want to stay on the farm, I want to go to the city. [normal voice] You better best know your place, little lady. Jeff: Clarence! Clarence: Come on Jeff, take it easy! I was just kidding! Jeff: COME, BACK, HERE, CLARENCE! Sammy: [walking up to Mary] Oh, hey Mary! Mary: Oh, hey Sammy, how are ya? Sammy: I'm good! Did you come here with Clarence? Mary: Well I'm not here for the food. [chuckles] Well, he and his buddies are playing right now. Sammy: Oh, well maybe Shawn can join them! [Shawn appears from behind Sammy] You think he and Clarence would get along? Mary: Oh for sure, all the kids love Clarence! Jeff: [holding his foam tube up] I'M GONNA KILL YOU CLARENCE!! [slams his tube down on Clarence, who blocks it] Clarence: Jeff, wait, will you please listen?! [knocks Jeff back] Jeff: Then explain how you ate my fries! [swings tube down onto Clarence, who blocks it again] Clarence: Jeff, I didn't! I didn't eat your- Jeff: [interrupts] FRIES! [knocks Clarence's tube out of his hand and off the tunnel] Jeff: This is what you get, Clarence. [he raises his foot at him] This is what happens when you eat another man's fries! Clarence: Jeff, wait! [Jeff puts his foot on Clarence's face] I didn't! They're right here! It's in a cares pocket of come of care. [he pulls Jeff's fries out of his back pocket] They were here the whole time! Jeff: [Jeff takes his foot off of Clarence's face.] Huh? Clarence: Here take them! [Clarence throws the fries, but they fall and slide down] Oh no! Jeff: Clarence, listen. I... I have my own complex reasons for things. Things you could never understand. [He motions to the left] Reasons for people not to touch my fries. [He motions to the right] Reasons I never go into fun spaces. Clarence: Well, how'd you get up here? Jeff: Oh... yeah... well, um... Clarence: You're not gonna let me die? Jeff: If you die, I... die, too. [His hand slips and he slides down with Clarence] Clarence: Whoa! Whoa! Oh... Jeff: Heh... Ah hahaha. Clarence: Heh heh heh heh. [He playfully punches Jeff's shoulder] Jeff: Ow! [He smiles and pushes Clarence off of the slide. Sumo continues to eat the fries] Mary: You guys are playing too rough. Come on, let's go. 'Girl': Hi. Clarence: Hey, Jeff! Clarence: I'm sorry I took your fries... Jeff: Oh- Well- um... I'm sorry I tried to kill you. Clarence: That's OK. It made it more fun, I guess. Jeff: Yeah, It kinda did. Clarence: Friends? Jeff: ..sure! Clarence: Friends! [His pupils enlarge. Jeff quickly springs hand out of Clarence's, then walks away with the same position.] Jeff: Yep... friends! [A Girl quietly sobs inside Rough Riders Chicken. Cut to the girl looking for her shoes in the Shoe Cubby.] Girl 2: I can't find my Light-Up Princess Shoes! Clarence: So Sumo, where's your little cow toy? Sumo (worried) : Y- yeah, whatever. I don't care about no girly toy! y
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)