| abstract
| - Airline Management cloaks its true purpose in a quasi-cult dedicated to perpetuating their own importance, raises and promotions - this cult is well known within the Airline Industry. This secretive religion-like body is called Judy Garlandism. An almost fanatical loyalty exists amongst these managers as they work in the shadows to protect not only their own interests, but the interests of their fellow managers. Only one Airline Manager has ever been known to break the code of silence once they left the industry. This man, known only as "Bruce," made a death bed confession detailing the true purpose of Airline Management. To this day his body has never been found and his very existence has been denied by airline executives. Before his death, Mr. "Bruce" detailed Airline Management's five point plan and purpose was:
* To promote from within. Candidates will show a natural aptitude for Back Stabbing, Brown Nosing, Snitching and Blind Faith before being asked to step forward when the row has been called. Loyalty is measured by following these four golden rules, and if an applicant is found to show this quality, they have a very good chance of joining the Fraternal Airline Regents Team or FART as it has come to be known. FART is just the starting block for all good management candidates, should they prove their worthiness once promoted.A secret meeting is then arranged for the rookie manager to be indoctrinated into Judyism.
* To promote loyalty by covering for your fellow managers. This is a must among Judyist members as being a Airline Manager did not require actual intelligence, ability or smooth legs. As a result, one of the most important qualities a Judyist member can have is blind loyalty to other Judyists - even those they may not know. Wherever, whenever he, she or it must strive to protect the brotherhood. To break this edict means immediate and permanent excommunication from FART and Judyism and a "promotion" to the Lil' Abner Airport and Stockyards, Dog Patch Mississippi.
* To emphasize that Airline Managers are never fired. After they screw up to the point where everything is FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Reality]] they screw up so badly that a change is required, a scapegoat will be sacrificed and its blood consumed with roasted peanuts and an olive. A toast is made to the Screwer and the Manager in question will be whisked away to his or her new assignment, complete with a new identity and a warning to play nice in the future.
* To maximize management compensation and bonuses. To achieve this aim, underlings and minions will be forced to endure a clawback of their benefits.
* To perpetuate the need for more managers. The goal of every manager should always be to require more management, and less from more management. Increasing Management's presence to the degree that hourly workers become overwhelmed by the weight of their supervisory chain of command, which translates directly into success. Fewer hourly workers capable of doing any job at cheaper pay because they are not qualified to do anything equals more money for the managers. How could this actually go wrong?
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