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| - I haven't the foggiest idea what is wrong with me. I can not seem to keep my personal thoughts to my self. I will strive for cool distance once again. This month I shall be as I am meant, which is impartial, impersonal and immovable.I packed all the essentials and set off. The Colonel insisted on escorting me there personally even though I explained that I was fully capable of making my way on my own. I must say I felt a bit of trepidation. The ride was long and for most of it we sat in silence, on opposite sides, lost in our private thoughts. I do hope that this is not a foreshadow of my month. Eventually the country side yielded up a grand manor on a hill and the Colonal broke the silence to inform me that this was his home. We arrived and the coachmen handed down my baggage before setting off to the stables to water the horses. It seems that the Colonel keeps very few staff and The first thing I saw upon entering, was dust. It was on almost everything. After that, black wooden status with curly close cropped hair, or strange painted masks lined very available space. Here a statue, there a bronze figurine. In no particular order or style. It almost seemed as if he had come home, set it down and then never bothered to pick it back up again. What a strange place. All doors were open to me, save one. His study. I wonder what he has in there. Dinner was a quiet affair as we once again, sat in silence, silverware clinking the only sound to be heard. I wondered if he felt as odd as I at that moment.Thankfully it ended as soon as was decent and he showed me up to my room. A curt good nightand I was left with my baggage surrounding a very over stuffed goose down mattress piled high with quilts. A cheery fire blazing in the fire place. I am here now, snuggled against the cold writing this. It is late however and I think I must try and get some sleep. At breakfast the Colonel was absent. I asked the one maid who was serving me and she informed me that the he never was seen this early in the morning and that breakfast was prepared only because he had informed them that I was most likely an early riser. She poured me a cup of tea and I nearly took a sip from long habit, before I remembered the purpose of this expedition and set it to the side. My how my eyes kept drifting to that cup. I took my time at breakfast before heading out the the adjoining patio where a wonderful sunny day was beginning. The air smelt fresh and clean. Not choked full of soot as London is. I began my breathing and Ti Chi in order to bring me once again in line with the world. I was half way through when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prick up and turned to find the Colonel with cup of tea in hand watching from the open door. I cordually invited him to join me, but he declined stating his person as not being an early riser. Though he did ask if he might watch and I felt no shame in granting him his request. After all, each student learns from the teacher by first watching and then imitating. It is a slow dance of peace and reflection that can not be force feed. Lunch was lonely. The Colonel had previous plans, which can hardly be blamed, I did some what drop in. Afterward I set out my easel and paints in the solarium and put the finishing touches on the painting of Verdie dangling over the side of the airship swatting away flying monkeys with a wrench of all things. It is one of my favorites to date and I hope she will enjoy it in her tool shed. I hope she sees herself as I see her. An intrepid adventurer with the mind of a genius. Dinner was again quiet and our inquiries on the others day were brief and too the point. I'm afriad I simply do not know how to talk to people. I shall endeavor to improve upon that. Went by the study, it is still locked. Again, I ate alone and again I turned to find the Colonel watching me as I sought out peace in the simplicity of movement and breath and again he refused. I suspect I shall find a trend here. I took a walk around the grounds today. The land here is an attempt at domestication while failing. Lunch was again just myself. It is only day three and I am finding myself going stir crazy. I asked the Colonel to the Opera and he agreed. What ever was i thinking?! I dressed up in my best gowns of Chinese brocade, the one with the key whole cut out at the neckline and did up my hair in my best jewels. We took the carriage out back to town and sat in a window box with another couple who drank wine like water. It was quite distracting to hear the antics of those two campaign drunk merry makers while attempting to watch such a tragedy as Travatore. Once over, we made our way back to the manor and I quickly retired to bed. Study: locked I find his staring almost distracting and I took a wrong step today. I flowed against the chi. I pushed and it pushed back. I wonder what he is thinking as he stands there at the window. After lunch I managed to hunt down the Colonel and we proceeded to the library for another lesson in Sorcery. Might as well finish the lesson now while I still have access to the chi. Dinner was still awkward and the study is still locked. If I were my heroine the great Lady Ashly Ashford, I would have the ability to flirt, I think this is the word, while still maintaining my pose and breath. My silent shadow is still in the window. Sipping on his damned tea! God I would have given up my prized ivory comb for a sip. Afterward I donned the apron and began brewing up batches of potions. Some how the Colonel found his way in and we spent the day chopping, boiling, stirring, and every once in awhile laughing over a bumping into each other. When it came time to concentrate on the magick to be infused he stirred. It was a very good day. He even helped me to scrub the pots. All in all we have a fresh batch of potions all ready and cooling in their glass jars. I've painted their names on each one and expiration dates. I think the colonel disapproves of the additional art I put into each one. How else was anyone to know what the potion does with out the flexing muscle man? Just write strength potion indeed! Dinner was more relaxed. We laughed over the messes we made before retiring to bed. Study door: Locked I wonder if I shall ever get in there. Today we practiced with rifles in the field. I am much improved since the our first lesson. I had lunch and then set up my easel for a new painting. I think this one will be of the sweet Trianna and her overly stern father Dr. Orpheus. I think I captured the wonder and youth in her pretty face as she examined a silver bracelet. I know that I have embodied Dr. Orpheus's disapproving frown however, I see it often enough that I could conjure the image in my sleep. At dinner I was feeling a bit under the weather and failed to be good company. I retired to my room early for sleep. Study: Locked My day started with the shock of my life. I woke in the morning feeling a bit confused. I got up as I always do and stumbled to the vanity where I made the mistake of looking into it. The shock and terror I experienced was more pronounced then words can describe and I screamed in horror. There in the mirror before me, was a fox. The face was not mine. At least not one that I was used too. A wave a desire rushed through me and all I wanted to see was my own face. In a shower of fur, I once again saw my own face. My ears took longer to shrink back to their familiar roundness and my ankles contracted so that I had human feet and was not standing on padded tiptoe. I was much relieved, when the Colonel burst through my bedroom door. I stood shell shocked as he looked at my expression and then down at the floor and burst out into laughter. I followed his gaze and a red and black tail peaked out of the bottom of my night gown. He quickly stifled it, but I was by then over my surprise and was practically seething. For one I was still in my night gown! I shooed him out with much cursing and slammed the door to bar his way. It is an odd sensation. One day I am connected to rivers of chi that cross our world and the next I can no longer even sense their presence. I am blind to it. But with this numbness I have found something new. My eyes are sharper, I can count every vein on the flowers in the vace on my vanity from my bed. It is quite a ways away. My sense of smell has become over powered. The flower might as well be laced with perfume, and I can hear the small draft wafting through my room, brush against the leaves. Also I feel something internal, like I am bursting with energy. I took the day to walk around and become accustomed to this new state. Then altered a pair of old pants to allow for room for my tail. Also I will begin dusting out this place. My tail keeps swiping over surfaces and gets covered in dust. It is no small task to brush out. Over dinner I told the Colonel all I could remember about Kitsune lore. How they loved to play tricks on foolish humans. Or fool their lovers and spouses into thinking they were human, though how they accomplished that is a mystery since the tail is unchanging. There sense of morality is much different then that of humans. If you receive riches from them, it is likely that those gains were ill gotten, more likely from a neighbors vault. The older they get the more tails they grow and one every one hundred years. They never break a promise and the most valuable thing the will bestow is knowledge. He listened in rapt attention. Study: Locked Ti Chi was a bit more interesting with the advent of a tail. It seems to pull my balance backward. Also it seems to twitch every once in awhile with a mind of its own dependent on my mood. The Colonel after lunch, attempted to explain the process of changing from Drake to Human and back again but I am having trouble just getting back into the Fey form of my nature. Took the remainder of the day to conscript a maid and assist me in dusting out the entire place. We only managed a few rooms. This is going to be a challenge. Study: Locked Another day goes by and my shadow is still in the window. No matter how much I lie to myself my tail won't. It was flicking in a nervous pattern. Lunch was a tray of meats and cheeses in the parlor as I attempted glamours. If I change shape through desire then perhaps I can make images through imagination. It seems to work and have created a very ugly copy of a vase. The Colonel attempted again to explain the mysteries of changing over. It is going no where but into frustration. Freed a few more rooms from the grip of dust. Dinner is becoming more comfortable. I have begun laughing at some of his stories he tells of his past adventures. And in return explain court intrigues and Chinese dragon life. Study: Locked I wonder what he does at night that he feels the need to be up so late that he can not rise at a decent hour. Today seemed to be a day of agitation. My Glamours wouldn't take proper form. It kept going up in puffs of smoke. When i tried for the third day with out any progress to become human again and failed I snapped at Colonel Gentleman before storming off to find peace in the garden. I picked arm fulls of flowers and set them up in vases around the house. It was finally free of dust and I extracted a promise from the maid that that was how it would stay. Dinner was once again quiet. Study: Locked It is almost a waste of ink to write down my morning routine, it never changes. This time after lunch, we did not attempt my transformation. Instead I worked on glamours. Then I spent the remainder of the day in the solarium finishing the painting of Dr. Orpheus. I made an effort to get Colonel Gentleman to smile and was rewarded with a more relaxed meal. Study: locked I've finally mastered simple shapes. Thank goodness. I picked flowers for around the house again. Study is still locked! Many days have passed. My life has fallen into routine and I've finally become the master of Illusion! Well perhaps that is an exaggeration. But I can create Glamours of entire rooms now. I'm still having much trouble shape shifting out of my human form and have concocted a plan to fix it. Today I insisted that we head out to the middle of the country side. I felt that perhaps in a more natural setting I would find my more animalistic shape. I gathered enough gear and supplies for at least 4 days. The look on his face when I lead him out to the carriage and explained my plans will live in my memory until my death... if I will ever die of old age. He protested loud and long, but in the end I received my way. The trip was long and arduous, and we must have hit every bump in the road, but I feel that it will be worth it in the end. For dinner I cooked Stir fry and cabbage. He complained about the lack of meat. Honestly must every meal feature flesh? Heavens help me if I ever try to feed him tofu. This night I tried shapes hifting into a fox but all I seemed to do was find my Fey form. It was a long night of attempts and I see the sun peaking over the horizon. I think it is time to finish my thoughts and find my pillow. I will keep my fey form for the night. I awoke later then normal still in my fey form and took a moment to examine myself. I had not the chance previously. My fingers are shorter and flatter, padded and end in wicked looking claws. I am covered completely in red and black fur. I feel no cold even though the morning is brisk. My ears are in the same place though they have extended to above my head. They seem to move instinctively to the most interesting noise. My legs seem to have taken the most change. I walk on tip toe having an extended foot pad, much like that of a cat. I seem to glide when I take a step and my tail aids in the balance. Each toe ends in claws and I suspect my kicks are far more strong then they were before and my strikes more lethal with sharp claws like daggers at the end of each finger. I cooked breakfast and the Colonel begrudgingly joined me. Never had I seen him so lacking of something witty to say. The best he could do was grunt a little in response. During the day I practiced shifting back and forth. To become human was easy. It is the form I know the best. All my fur falls out like the flowers of a cherry tree in summer. They dissipate to smoke before they hit the ground. My fingers grow and my nails shrink. My feet shrink and my legs elongate and then finally my ears become sof and round. To change back, I give a might shake and fur erupts around me and everything moves in reverse. When night fell, I tried again to become a fox and it took much concentration and quite a bit of silence for Colonel before I found my self shrinking out of my clothing. I poked my nose out from my shirt collar to find the tall Drake even taller. The audacity of the man when he reached down to pick me up. As if I were some house cat! I bit him naturally and he dropped me and swore words and combinations I had never heard before. I shall have to file many of them for future use. I tried laughing at him, but all that came about was yips and yelps. I can not speak as a fox. I tried walking about, and found my self tripping over my own feet a time or two. Having more then normal to keep track of. Once stable I took off through the underbrush with the Colonel calling after me. I could hear insects stepping on leaves and smell an owl passing on the wind. I even managed to sneak up on a rabbit burrow without alerting it's occupants. I made my way back, following my own trail and changed back to human to elate to him all I had experienced. He laughed and broke out a bottle of fine scotch and glasses. It seemed like a night of laughter and I managed to get my self drunk for the first time. I told him all I had seen and heard, I could not stop talking. He laughed at the rabbits and explained he could never have done that, even in dragon form. To big. We emptied the bottle and laughed till sun up. I've retired to my tent and I'm sure this is illegible but I had to write it all down before I forgot. Oh my head was in pieces and it was a very late start to the day. I spent most of it dozing. The afternoon was much better, and I cooked dinner while teasing the colonel about him not changing. I also suggested he join me since there was no one to see if he did. He looked at me surprised before agreeing. It seemed as if he was embarrassed by something, what I am not sure. I've seen him as a drake before. When night fell I changed out of my cloths in my tent before changing my form. When I had emerged, the colonel was waiting beside his own tent, much larger then it now. It was probably the first time I had a chance to truly observe him without having to worry about dodging fire or punches. He is quiet impressive. A lovely deep green accented through with a pearl. In my current state i could make out every scale. He stood there, his large head looking down at the ground and he shifted from side to side. Well this simply could not be. I stood under his jaws and looked up at him before racing around behind him and up his tail and spine to the tip of his head. I let out a call of triumph, well it was more of a yip, proclaiming me victor of a game I had just made up. He tilted his head down ward and my claws could find no purchase on the smooth scales and I slipped off and into a waiting paw. It was like looking through a cage of talons. I slipped thought and twirled my way around his legs. he let out a noise that was a cross between a blast furnace and a freight train. I suspect he was laughing. I stopped and lifted one small dainty paw to place it against his leg slowly and then took off in the under brush as fast as my legs would carry me. he seemed to catch on and gave chase, he was fast on the ground, but I was small and could dodge around trees or under brush, while he had to hop over it or around it. I was winning till he took to the air and merely glided over me as I ran from below. Now he was faster then me and when he reached out a curled talon to tag me back, I showed him the error of flight. I dropped and rolled, coming to an immediate stop while he passed over head, missing me by mere inches. He winged gracefully in an arc and came around. Against the moonlight it was a sight to behold. We did this all night, before we settled in the grass beside our tents and I curled up in the crook of a wing and fell into deep sleep from shear exhaustion. I came wake to birds chirping and rolled from off my back, all for paws in the air to paw the ground in a luxurious stretch. I paused when I realized that some how the Colonel had slipped me off his wing and was setting about making breakfast. He seemed in a chipper mode and informed me it was eggs and bacon and to hurry up and get ready. I pranced off to my tent to change and then change. We packed up the most of the items in preparation for tomorrows travel home. and as the day grew longer I found myself embolden to ask for a favor. I asked for a flight on his back. I had been cheated out of the experience by an illusionary tree. He asked my weight and then seemed to brace himself as if I would strike him down at any moment. I think this has something to do with English female sensibilities. To me it was a perfectly sensible question. I simply answered. Still uncomfortable he explained that while he was strong, while airborne he could only carry so much. I assured him that I was very light. I am after all only only seven and one half stones. (105lb's) That night I experienced flight in a way I would never before. It was freedom. How he can keep himself earth bound is beyond me. It was chilly so I changed to fey from and had a fine layer of fur to protect me. Wind whistled through my hair and stung my eyes. But I shall never forget it. When we landed I thanked him and bowed low before him. I am retiring to bed early because we must leave in the morning. I am sad to go. We ate in silence, packed in silence and traveled home in silence. Though none of it uncomfortable. This morning I was surprised to see that the Colonel was joining me for breakfast! We shared a lovely meal and then he actually joined me for my morning ti chi. It seems he had picked up quite a bit and I only had to help him with a few of the more difficult poses. He had business to attend to for lunch and I set about learning the third bit of my new self. Fox lanterns. This was rather simple as it was like unraveling myself but with out pain. When I first said I felt like I was bursting with energy, perhaps that is the truth of the matter. I started with puffs of fire and managed to form a full fox lantern. Having made progress I went around to refresh all the flower vases I had set out. Dinner was comfortable and we talked about our respective days. The Colonel and I greeted the day once more out in the rising sun. Afterward I conjured more fox lanterns out in the parlor. I seem to have made to many and my concentration was taxed to far. I'm afraid I singed the Colonel chaise lounge. I apologized profusely and offered to purchase him another, but he merely laughed it off and encouraged me to continue. I have found three to be all that I can handle. They look like mini suns and they float where ever I wish. I do not find them hot to the touch. After lunch I started a new painting and a demon over took me for I did not feel the passing of time till the advent of dinner. His form is now perfect, though he needs to work on his breathing. We tried again to see if I could change from fey to pure human, but I simply can not seem to do it. I expressed my feelings as "Trying to turn myself inside out." He said it was an apt description. After lunch I quickly refreshed all the flower vases and then set out once again to finish my paining till dinner. Day 26 Today I had tea with my breakfast. I have learned all I need to know and our time is drawing to a close. The nausea set in and when it passed, my tail was gone and I could feel magick once more. It was almost over whelming and I took the day to meditate to find my control again. The Colonel seemed to sense this and stayed out of my way. I committed every pose, every breath of this morning to memory. I hope he continues the practice after I've left. I brewed up a second batch of potions and while they were set out to cool I finished the painting. I can only stand back and smile at it. This is the one I shall leave here. I shooed the kitchen staff out and gave all of them the day off and then set to work cooking dumplings and rice, sweet beans and pork rolls. I cooked every flavor and spice I could remember of my home land and set out the table with my own ivory kuàizi. Next I ran up stairs and changed into my most proper Chinese garbs. I powdered my face pale and applied charcoal to my eyes and painted my lips red. I piled my hair high on my head and secured it with all of my jewelry. When the Colonel came down to dinner, I bowed low and pulled out his chair. When he was settled, I laid out all the food and served him. The dinner went well and afterward I preformed a tea ceremony. He seemed to enjoy it all very much. He visibly saddened when I informed him that I would be leaving the next day. I found my self regretting the coming of the day when I would leave. Dinner the night before had been a very enjoyable evening and somehow I was loath to find it all coming to an end. I had gotten so very familiar of having him around. Even the pipe smoke stopped being an irritation and simply became another scent to identify him with. He said his regrets on not being able to see me home, and I politely acknowledged the effort as was right and proper. Though I doubt what came next was accepted English behavior for I found this impossibly statured man, bending what must have been a long way to the ground in order to kiss my cheek in farewell. I must say I was stunned and reacted with a reddening of the face that has become all to common around him. How I failed my hero, the Lady Ashly Ashton when all I could do was mumble my good byes and board the carriage. I shall miss the manor of formerly musty dusty rooms, oddly in date and out of date. Cluttered in this and that from travels long ago taken. My own home shall seem odd in comparison. But I do have the wondrously naive Verdie to watch after and I would be remiss in my duties if I did not return to her soon and make certian that my house still indeed... stands. I left behind my last painting. I wonder if the Colonel will find it, or if it will gather dust. I wonder what people will think of a dragon and a fox playing on a moonlit night out on the moor. Never did find out what was in that blasted study
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