| abstract
| - ‘’This is Squidward Tentacles.’’ ‘’This is my ***, calling from ****!’’ a squeaky voice giggled from on the line. ‘’Who the **** is this?’’ ‘’Listen, lady...’’ the voice on the phone paused. ‘’…how old are you?’’ ‘’It’s none of your business how old I am, and I’m a guy! Now who the **** are you?!’’ ‘’How old are you?’’ ‘’It’s none of you’re business!’’ ‘’Answer my question!’’ ‘’No way I’m answering your question!’’ ‘’Now listen, lady…’’ the voice on the other end began. But Squidward interrupted. ‘’I’M NOT A LADY!’’ ‘’Oh, you’re a guy? Then have you ever gotten your girlfriend pregnant?’’ ‘’No!’’ ‘’That’s bell-og-nah!’’ ‘’What is bellognah?’’ ‘’This is didiculous!’’ Squidward was about to blow a vein. ‘’I NEVER WENT TO JAIL!’’ Squidward screamed back. ‘’It’s none of your business how old I am, I never got my girlfriend pregnant, I never went to jail, I’m a guy, and what the **** is bellognah!?’’ ‘’Don’t you give me that!’’ ‘’Don’t give you what!?’’ Squidward continued to scream back. ‘’Ya don’t give me nothin’!’’ yelled the voice on the phone. ‘’Ya hear me ****? Ya don’t wanna give me ****! Ya wanna know why? ‘Cause ya are da’ ***** and I am da’ man! **** you!’’ ‘’Listen, ********! What the **** are you talking about? ‘’Cause ya are da’ ***** and I am da’ man!’ What the **** is that ****? You just called me on the phone and started asking me stupid questions! You know what you are? You’re an *******. Yeah. That’s right. You’re an ********. You hear me *******? *******!’’ ‘’**** you too!’’ yells Squidward. ‘’Have a very, very ****-you day!’’ ‘’…’’ Squidward was very thankful that he had shut up the voice at the other end of the phone. But he didn’t. ‘’Can I come to your house?’’ ‘’No!’’ ‘’You need to get a life!’’ yells the person at the other end of the line. ‘’You won’t even answer my questions!’’ ‘’You’re the one that needs to get a life! It’s not my fault that I don’t want some ******* finding out all of my personal information! I mean, honestly! What the **** is wrong with you? You’re the one who needs to get a life! At least I have something better to do than call people I don’t know and start asking them stupid questions! **** you!’’ ‘’…At least I don’t work at the cash register at the Krusty Krab…’’ ‘’What the…?!’’ ‘’…and at least I’m not bald…’’ ‘’OH MY GOD, I HAVE A STALKER!’’ Squidward leaves the phone on the counter, and he runs in to his room. He would find out the truth sooner or later. ‘’Come on, let’s prank call Mr. Krabs now!’’
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