| Contents
| - :[Meg walks into the room with a buzz cut]
:Meg: I said damn, what a wild couple of days. Anyways, sup with you guys?
:Chris: Sorry amigo, not interested.
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:Lois: I'm gonna go take a shower, so I can blow my nose into my hands.
:[Lois crashes into a wall]
:Lois: Ow! Dammit! I hate this house.
:[Peter walks in as Lois leaves]
:Peter: Morning, honey.
:Lois: [offscreen] Go to Hell!
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:Peter: That was worse than an Italian guy, describing someone's sexuality.
:[Cutaway to Peter at an Italian dinner]
:Italian Guy: Anyway, my brother Louie, he's uh...he's a little off to the side, you know? Uh, foofy. Uh, up to the knuckle. He's uh...he's a backwards mechanic. He like to play in the dirt.
:Peter: You mean gay?
:Italian Mom: No! [starts crying]
:Italian Guy: Ma ma! Come on, Peter! Ma ma, Louie's not gay, he's ... he's creative.
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:Stewie: Hey what are we gonna do tonight? Ooh, maybe we should watch that movie about Freud where Michael Fassbender repeatedly spanks Keira Knightley to orgasm.
:Brian: You saw that movie?
:Stewie: I saw that scene.
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:Stewie: You certainly can't be any worse than the last roommate I had.
:[Cutaway to Peter sleeping in Stewie's crib with him]
:Stewie: What the?
:Peter: Please don't cry, she's already very angry at me.
:Lois: [offscreen] Peter, where are you? You will wash your hands after you poop.
:Peter: Shh. Shh. I won't.
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:[Joe is playing Golden Tee and is too short to see the screen]
:Joe: How am I doing?
:Peter: Good job, Joe. Hole in one. [to the others] He just keeps switching clubs.
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:[Peter is creating a song]
:Peter: Hmm, still a trace of melody. I'll just add some power tools. [adds power tool sound effects] Yeah, yeah, I'd drink vodka and Gatorade to that.
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:Lois: Peter, since when are you a DJ?
:Peter: Since some guy came in the clam and heard my awesome jams and beats.
:Chris: Well, he's got the lingo down.
:Peter: Thanks, Chris. NOW SCREAM!
:Chris: AAAAAAAAAAH!
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:Stewie: Who's this turd?
:Brian: Oh, this is Georgie.
:Stewie: Brian, I never said you could have guests.
:[Stewie tries to grab Georgie's backpack]
:Georgie: HEY, DON'T TOUCH THAT! [quickly grabs his backpack]
:Stewie: Okay, red flags flying.
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:Lois: Brian, there you are. I wanted to tell you, you could come back and sleep in our room?
:Brian: What? I can?
:Lois: Yeah, turns out it was Peter, who was causing my allergies. He stuffed all our pillows with hay because he thought it looked comfortable in cartoons.
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