| abstract
| - At the record store, Kelso and Fez can't believe that Hyde married a stripper. Kelso says that they should get him a wedding present, and Fez wants to get a present that says "I want to nail your wife." Kelso suggests an electric knife. Randy comes in and meets Sam; he then suggests throwing a bachelor party; Hyde says no, if he wanted to spend money on a stripper he'd take Sam shopping. Randy tells Kelso and Fez that they're throwing a bachelor party. He puts Fez in charge of the place, Kelso in charge of the beer, and Leo in charge of the entertainment. Leo says that he hasn't stripped since he was in Chippendale's... then remembers that it was Bloomingdales. Fez tells Kelso that they can't have the bachelor party at their place; Randy suggests having it at the Forman's. Randy introduces himself to Donna. He puts Kelso in charge of getting rid of Red and Kitty; Donna points out that he has to do this without setting a fire. Randy says that they need a crazy way to get Hyde there without him suspecting; Kelso says he's a cop, and Randy thinks he means that he can use this to fake out Hyde, but Kelso just means that he forgot his gun at the playground. Jackie comes in and tells Donna that they should have a girls' night party while the guys are at the bachelor party. Sam comes into the living room from the other room; Jackie wants to know what Sam is doing there and is clearly upset about the fact that Donna is hanging out with Sam. Fez and Kelso come in; Kelso asks Kitty if she and Red have big plans for Saturday night. Kitty says that Red is taking her on The Love Boat, and then to Fantasy Island. Kelso says that staying home means that their love life is dead, and asks when the last time is that Red took her out on the town. He tells her that Red needs to take her out on a real date; Kitty agrees. Red comes in and Kitty tells him that they're going out tonight. Hyde tells Fez that he's sick of driving him around. Randy whispers to Fez that they've just passed Kelso's cruiser, so tells Hyde to speed up and steps on the gas. The cruiser pulls them over, but the officer who comes to the driver's side window isn't Kelso. He orders Hyde out of the car. Randy points out that it's not Kelso; Fez says Kelso sent another cop to make it more realistic. Fez and Randy also get out of the car, and Hyde tells them that he just got a ticket. Fez takes the ticket and rips it up, then asks the officer what he's going to do, calling him a pig, and asking if he's going to put them in jail? Hyde tells Fez that he won't be smiling when Hyde sells his ass for a pack of cigarettes. Fez, still thinking that everything is going according to plan, tells Hyde, "Welcome to your bachelor party!" Hyde says that a party has beer and women, not a guy in no pants lying on his jacket. Randy tells Fez that this isn't a party, but Fez insists that this is all just part of Kelso's plan, and he's sure that Kelso is on his way to the jail. At the ice cream shop, Kelso talks to the counter girl, telling her about how hard it is to be a cop. Jackie complains about Sam being there; Donna apologizes and Sam, who says it's okay, adding that it's not the first time she's had to deal with an angry ex-girlfriend. Jackie asks Sam what she's going to do with her stripper money; Sam informs them that she's already done something with it - she bought a Trans-Am, which Jackie calls a slut car. Donna tells Jackie that unlike Jackie, she doesn't think Sam isn't the worst piece of trash to walk the earth; Jackie storms out of the room. Kitty comments on what a good time she had and that it's already past 9 p.m. The two of them head into the living room. In the Forman living room, Leo is there with two strippers. They call out "Surprise!" as Red and Kitty walk in. Red angrily demands to know what's going on; they tell him that it's a bachelor party. The strippers, beginning to dance around Red, ask who Kitty is, and when he tells them that she's his wife, they say that she can watch. Fez begins to think that this might not be part of the bachelor party plan, unless the desk sargeant is a stripper. Randy says she might be, and then tells Fez to tell her to shake it. Fez does, and she's not impressed, and yells at Fez, telling him that if he ever talks to her like that she'll find 50 new ways to use her night stick. Kelso comes in and says that there was an emergency at the ice cream store; a new girl works there, and she's cute. He asks the sergeant to let the guys out, explaining that it's all a mistake. He gives her the full details of how he intended to fake arrest them, go to the bachelor party, and then return in time for the end of his shift. She throws him in the cell with the other guys. Red orders Leo and the strippers to leave, but they won't go until they get paid. Red tells Leo to pay them, but he has no money. Red doesn't have any money either, which he blames on Kitty because she had the salad bar at dinner. Kitty offers to write a check, and when she finds out that it's $100, comments that she's in the wrong profession. Sam asks how Donna can be friends with Jackie; Donna tries to explain but can't, and has to think about it, but still can't come up with anything. She then says that they've been through a lot together and Jackie is her best friend. Jackie comes out of the other room and asks if what Donna said is true. Donna admits that it is, and Jackie gloats that Sam may have gotten Hyde, but she's Donna's best friend. She orders Sam to leave; Sam orders her to leave; they go back and forth like that a few times until Donna stops them, saying that they should talk like intelligent adults. Donna describes her dream Trans-Am; Jackie decides that their party was a good idea after all; Sam says that she loves Hyde. Jackie tells Sam that she hates her; Sam says that she hates Jackie too. Jackie says that it's okay for Sam to be friends with Donna because she doesn't have very many friends. Donna claims that she does, and then starts to think about it, and think about it... and eventually falls asleep. Kelso apologizes to Hyde, but says that they had to have a party, since Hyde's life is over and they had to celebrate. Hyde asks where they were going to take him; they tell him that the party was at the Forman's house. Hyde says, "Yeah where I live, I can see why you'd need an elaborate plan to get me there." The desk sargeant lets the guys out, but tells Kelso to stay where he is. The guys promise not to leave Kelso, but then Randy points out that they only have the strippers for another 30 minutes, and they all run out. Hyde and Randy come in looking for the strippers; Red and Kitty are angry with them; Randy explains that things got out of hand and apologizes for any disrespect. Red tells them that they owe him $100; Fez gives him the money. Kitty wonders why it's in one-dollar bills and Red says, "Because that's how you pay strippers." Kelso comes in and tells the guys that he was fired, and that they took his badge and gun, and when he said goodbye to the police dog, he accidentally shot him. Kelso decides that going to a strip club would make him feel better, and adds that they can take his cruiser. Hyde asks if they didn't take that back too, and Kelso says that they didn't even ask. The redits features Leo rolling out a big cake, and tells Hyde and Randy to enjoy the show. He starts the music playing, and sits down in front of the cake. Nothing happens. Hyde asks when the show starts, and Randy wonders where the stripper is. Leo asks what they need a stripper for when they have a giant cake?
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