| abstract
| - Rigby: (looking at his program list) Alright, let's see now. Foreign language, check. Geology, check. All that's left is....Bam! Rigby (continued): Gym class! Once I pass this, I'll finally be able to graduate. Besides, any bozo can pass gym. Mordecai: Then why didn't you pass the first time? Rigby: I dunno. High school was a long time ago. Principal Dean: Alright, you little loafers. Listen up! Coach McCrackle will no longer be teaching here. Principal Dean (continued): He requested that I read this letter of resignation to you all. (clears throat) "Dear class, things are finally looking up for me. I have won the lottery. Now that I'm a rich man, I will never have to spend another second in that disgusting gym with your pimply, greasy faces ever again." It, uh, goes on like this fo a while. But anyway, we found a new substitute for the remainder of the school year. Rigby: A substitute? This'll be easier than I thought. Hello, high school degree. Principal Dean: So please welcome former student and 5-time volleyball champion, coach Francis Jablonski! Jablonski: Body check! Teenage Rigby: Jablonski, no- Jablonski: Set me up! Teenage Rigby: Aargh! Jablonski! Teenage Rigby (continued): JABLONSKI! Rigby: (whispering) Jablonski... Principal Dean: Well, Jablonski, I'll leave ya to it. Jablonski: Thank you sir alright listen up, you clowns. Jablonski (contnued): Now that I'm running this show, things are going to be different around here. (blows whistle) Everyone, 20 laps! Let's go! Except for my little bro Aiden, who's already achieved peak physical fitness. Jablonski (continued): (scoffs) Look at this. I didn't know this school had a 10-year program. Rigby: Look, Jablonski. High school was a long time ago. We both matured a lot since then. Let's bury the hatchet. Jablonski: Huh! As if! You wanna fail my class like you failed at life? Rigby: (scared) No, sir. Jablonski: WELLTHEN GET MOVING! Jablonski (continued): ...58, 59, 60... Jablonski (continued): Let's go! More jumps, less jacks! Jablonski (continued): Get back on the rope, you Butterfingers! This ain't naptime! Jablonski (continued): Come on! Let's hustle! Only 3 miles left! Jablonski (continued): That's right! Put your backs into it! I want the Jablonski mobile spotless before lunchtime. Rigby: What does this have to do with gym class? Jablonski: EVERYTHING! Now get scrubbing! Principal Dean: Let me get this straight. You want me to fire Jablonski? Rigby: Yes, Principal Dean. Principal Dean: (sighs) I can't fire him, but I can talk to him on your behalf about the car thing. Rigby: What?! No! Don't mention me! He'll only make things worse if he knows I told you. Principal Dean: It'll be totally anonymous, don't worry about it. Your secret is safe with me. Jablonski: Alright now, before we begin, I have an announcement to make. Principal Dean just told me that someone here has a problem with my teaching. Principal Dean: (to Rigby; whispering) Totally anonymous. Jablonski: Well guess what? That someone just earned you all extra laps! Rigby: (sarcastically) Aw, man! I can't believe someone snitched! Jablonski: Let's go! Get to it! Jablonski (continued): Hold it, Rigby. I got a special assignment for you. Aiden! Jablonski (continued): You get to wash my dishes. Rigby: You can't do this! You're just a substitute! Jablonski: I can do whatever I want. I know you ratted me out, Rigby. Good luck passing my class now. Might want to put some elbow grease into it. Some of that food has really kicked on there! Rigby: (mockingly) Might wanna put some elbow grease into it. Mordecai: Dude, what's the matter? Can't keep up with the high school kids? Rigby: Worse. It's Jablonski! He's the new substitute for my gym class! Mordecai: Whoa, he's a sub now? I thought he'd be in jail or something. Rigby: (standing up) Aah! It's not fair! I've done everything to get my diploma! I fell down a cave hole, went all the way to China, just so some meat-head can fail me in gym class. It's all for nothing! Mordecai: No, it's not. You just have to beat him at his own game. Rigby: But I'm terrible at volleyball! Mordecai: What was that other thing he was into? Food...Run? Rigby: (gasps) Yeah. Jablonski: These time are pathetic. Jablonski (continued): A+ work, Aiden. Man, I'm starving. Jablonski (continued): Do they still do 'Taco Tuesday' at the cafeteria? Rigby: You could do 'Taco Tuesday', or you could go on a... Rigby (continued): ...Food Run. Jablonski: Food Run? I haven't played that since high school. The glory days. Milton: W-What's Food Run? Jablonski: Don't you know anything, Milton?! Food Run is a game where two team order takeout from the same place. They race to the restaurant and the first team back with the food wins. I've never lost in my life. Rigby: Jablonski, I challenge you to Food Run! If I win, you have to give me a pass in Phys Ed! Hmm-hmm! Milton: Rigby, no! Jablonski: Alright then if you win I'll give you a passing grade in Phys Ed. But if I win, you fail. And you gotta wash me and Aiden's dirty jock straps for the rest of the semester. Rigby: Y-You're on! Jablonski: Tommorrow night at midnight. We'll run to the Cheezer's on the bad side of town. You're going to lose, Rigby. Once a loser, always a loser! Milton: Wha are you gonna do, Rigby? Rigby: I'm gonna need some help. Jablonski: I knew he wouldn't show. Probably past that little chicken's bedtime. Aiden: Heh, he's probably all nestled up in his chicken coop. Both: (laughing) Chicken. Rigby: Evening, Jablosers. Jablonski: Well, well, well. Two dweebs for the price of one. Where'd you get that ride, twerp? Rigby: Borrowed it from my little bro, who's way cooler than your little bro. Jablonski: Ugh, let's just get this over with! (Team Rigby and Team Jablonski are in their vehicles. The marshal girl has her flag raised.) Gum Girl: Alright. The first team to pick up their food and make it back to the front steps wins! Gum Girl (continued): (laughs) Gentlemen, get ready to place your orders! Gum Girl (continued): On your mark, get set, GO! Jablonski: Ugh! It's busy?! Mordecai: Hmm-hmm-hmm. Speed dial. Waitress: Cheezer's. Waitress (continued): Yep. Mmm-hmm. Extra cheese...got it. Alright, see you soon. (to chef) We got a food run! Rigby: Ok, let's go! Jablonski: Forget it! I'm just ordering at the drive-thru! Rigby: Hey, it's not so bad here. Dirty Businessman: Get off my property! Rigby: Aahh, no! Jablonski: Keep your eyes on the road, Grandma! Rigby: JABLONSKI! Principal Dean: Jablonski's almost there! Rigby: Aaah! He's pullin' the drive-thru move! That's so much quicker! Rigby: Pickup for Team Rigby! Cheezer's Guy: Uh, it's almost ready. Cheezer's Guy (continued): Sorry, it's my first day. Jablonski: Aw, c'mon! Jablonski (continued): Just gimme my food! Cheezer's Guy: It's my...It's my first day! Rigby: Hold this. Jablonski: Finally! Let's go! Rigby: What's the map say? Mordecai: (pointing) Go up here! There's a shortcut! Mordecai (continued): Look out! Jablonski: Sauce me, bro. Rigby: Shoo! Go away! Dirty Businessman: I SAID GET OFF MY PROPERTY! Jablonski: Aw, yeah! We're gonna win! Team Jablonski: Jablonski! Jablonski! Jablonski! Mordecai: Go beat Jablonski, dude! Principal Dean: (distorted) Beat him, Rigby! Beat him so you can finally get out of my school! Jablonski: (distorted) Noooooo! Milton: Team Rigby wins! Rigby: Yeah-yuh! Mordecai: You did it, dude! Jablonski: It's not fair! I used to be the king of this school, now I'm just a lame, old substitute teacher who can't even win at Food Run! Rigby: Come on, man. High school was a long time ago. You gotta get past the glory days and move on with your life. Focus on the now! Jablonski: (sniffling) You're right. I gotta say, I got mad respect for that response, and for you. So much respect that I'm gonna embroider your face onto my letterman's jacket! Rigby: Oooh. No, that's cool. Uh, you just pass me in gym class. Jablonski: You got it, bro! All: Yeah! (End of Gymblonski)
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