| abstract
| - Greetings ladies and gentlemen! I'm forest ranger Bob, and my job here is to ensure that you all have a wonderful time here at Yellowstone National Park. We generally try to keep the park as safe for tourists as we can, while also maintaining a clean park for its natural residents. With that in mind we have a few rules that we would all greatly appreciate you following. Thank-you in advance for your cooperation: 1.
* Rule number one: If you are inside your vehicle, and you see an animal, please leave your doors locked and windows securely rolled up. Do not leave your vehicle to get a better look at the animal, as this increases the risk of attack by 5000 percent. Trust me on this one. The last guy I met who didn't follow this rule got the skin of his face mauled off by a bear, and then the bear called all of his bear friends over and... well folks, have your children cover their ears. It was bear bukkake. Needless to say, it wasn't pretty. 2.
* Rule number two: Please no flash photography. For the same reasons as before, getting mauled and...well you know the rest parents, is not fun. Flash photography makes animals go into a hulking berserker rage and want to kill you. Have you ever seen a buffalo with a chainsaw? No? Well you don't want to either, that's all I'm saying here. 3.
* Rule number three: Don't ever stick any part of your body in a geyser, ever. Unless you want to experience boiling water on your genitals, just don't do it. More stupid people have died from sticking their face in a geyser than I could ever keep track of, so I don't. I'm just the guy who gets to call the ER, say "Hey we had another idiot" and then smile smugly while you're carted off on an ambulance screaming "My face! My face! Oh god, the pain! Why didn't I listen to forest ranger Bob?" Well, I'm telling you now, so listen. 4.
* Rule number four: Please don't litter. The animals don't like it. I don't like it. Mother nature doesn't like it. So...don't be a jerk. 5.
* Rule number five: The buffalo have the right of way, not you. It may be entirely possible that you like to ride in your cars full throttle, knocking over everything that stands in your way as a sad demonstration of your own Freudian hang ups. If this is the case with you, I highly encourage you to get over your lead foot, and let the bison pass. They're bigger than you, and will totally wreck your car something fierce if you drive into one of them. They're everywhere, they're slow, but better that than a trashed car and a fine for a few dead buffalo. Finally, and most importantly I have one last rule. It is by far the most important rule, and if you fail to follow it, it will lead to the severest of consequences. If there is only one rule that you can follow, please make it this one. That last rule is rule number six. Don't feed the animals. ESPECIALLY THE DUCKS. Allow me to repeat that again, just in case you didn't hear it the first time. DON'T FEED THE DUCKS. Rule Number Seven Always have an extra rule in case one of the others break, get lost or are stolen.
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)