About: Celebrity Manufacture

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An Entity of Type : owl:Thing, within Data Space : 134.155.108.49:8890 associated with source dataset(s)

Celebrity manufacture is a multi-billion dollar industry, worth so much that its real value can't even fit on a calculator. The reason for this is simple: without celebrities no one would buy anything. I certainly know I wouldn't touch any product, tinned or otherwise, unless someone on television said they'd eaten it first. Market research has shown that without celebrities no one would feel safe buying any product. They probably wouldn't even be sure what a product was. Without someone with immaculate teeth and heavily airbrushed skin to point them in the right direction, people would see a tin of spaghetti as a twisted pasta snake pit, Coca Cola would be as popular as arsenic, and people would spread butter on credit cards then eat them like plastic crackers.

Attributes	Values
rdfs:label	Celebrity Manufacture
rdfs:comment	Celebrity manufacture is a multi-billion dollar industry, worth so much that its real value can't even fit on a calculator. The reason for this is simple: without celebrities no one would buy anything. I certainly know I wouldn't touch any product, tinned or otherwise, unless someone on television said they'd eaten it first. Market research has shown that without celebrities no one would feel safe buying any product. They probably wouldn't even be sure what a product was. Without someone with immaculate teeth and heavily airbrushed skin to point them in the right direction, people would see a tin of spaghetti as a twisted pasta snake pit, Coca Cola would be as popular as arsenic, and people would spread butter on credit cards then eat them like plastic crackers.
dcterms:subject	Media Celebrity Entertainment Magnus Fortesque Reports
dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate	dbkwik:resource/-p1WJwBKpIZ6kc-pxCk3rQ== dbkwik:resource/4VMISq_kcMSrbUsjqbqIaw==
Revision	2448031(xsd:integer)
Date	2007-10-28(xsd:date)
abstract	Celebrity manufacture is a multi-billion dollar industry, worth so much that its real value can't even fit on a calculator. The reason for this is simple: without celebrities no one would buy anything. I certainly know I wouldn't touch any product, tinned or otherwise, unless someone on television said they'd eaten it first. Market research has shown that without celebrities no one would feel safe buying any product. They probably wouldn't even be sure what a product was. Without someone with immaculate teeth and heavily airbrushed skin to point them in the right direction, people would see a tin of spaghetti as a twisted pasta snake pit, Coca Cola would be as popular as arsenic, and people would spread butter on credit cards then eat them like plastic crackers. Four years ago the advertising industry held a special exercise to find out what would happen in the event of celebrity extinction. This doomsday scenario showed their initial backup plan — which involved using glass beads and other shiny objects to lure shoppers towards products — just wouldn't work. It attracted giant swarms of magpies, but no people. Without someone to tell them what to buy, it was found the public would rather buy nothing. In fact, they seemed happy to wander around like medicated lemmings bumping into each other and falling off cliffs. As you can see, the consequences of a celebrity shortage just don't bear thinking about. That's why there are over twelve thousand factories worldwide, working endlessly on the designing and breeding of A-list celebrities. It's estimated that every minute at least 8000 celebrities will need to be produced just to keep the stock market from total meltdown, panic buying and executives trying to kill each other with tools in a frenzied attempt to sell everything they've ever owned.

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