rdfs:comment
| - Phillip was born in Lancashire, England on April 1st, 1941. A prodigy in pre-school education, he could spell his own name by his second birthday, recite entire Disney film scripts (including stage directions) two months later, and became one of the leading active members of the local "Nazis in Nappies Political Playgroup" at age three. His intelligence reached its peak at six, however, when a drunken night in a toilet left him and three friends sprawled across the handlebars of a four-seated tricycle facing charges of gang rape and speeding in the urinal aisle. Suffering mild brain damage, his jet black hair began to show the earliest signs of ATPW (Adorable TV Presenter Whiteness), a condition that has haunted him and other UK stars like Robert Kilroy-Silk and Des Lynam to this day, most
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abstract
| - Phillip was born in Lancashire, England on April 1st, 1941. A prodigy in pre-school education, he could spell his own name by his second birthday, recite entire Disney film scripts (including stage directions) two months later, and became one of the leading active members of the local "Nazis in Nappies Political Playgroup" at age three. His intelligence reached its peak at six, however, when a drunken night in a toilet left him and three friends sprawled across the handlebars of a four-seated tricycle facing charges of gang rape and speeding in the urinal aisle. Suffering mild brain damage, his jet black hair began to show the earliest signs of ATPW (Adorable TV Presenter Whiteness), a condition that has haunted him and other UK stars like Robert Kilroy-Silk and Des Lynam to this day, most recently attacking Gary Lineker; which makes the victim completely irresistible to all females over 50. Bullied throughout secondary schooling and further education, Schofield began to blame (some say rightly) Judaism for his plight, and turned his attention to writing his own version of Hitler's "Mein Kampf", entitled "Mein Kampf 2 - A Child Called 'It'". Slated by book critics all over North Humberside (the only town where it was released), Phillip was criticised for "taking the political ideals and passion that made Mein Kampf so popular with fascists and turning it into a horribly gorey story of love set in medieval England with unnecessary and seemingly random appearances of anti-semitic phrases and communist villains; eliminating any kind of political influence and replacing it with Kitten Huffing-fed bull." Knocked back from the publishing world, teenage Phillip tried his hand at acting instead, starring in several school plays and excelling at his previously unexplored, newfound nishe.
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