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| - The Ultimate Judge Mills Lane was born in a toaster oven in 1982. This is where they baked him a heart out of cookie dough. After his mother lost his pram at the supermarket he was raised by elves and fairies. This was a wonderful time for young Ultimate Judge Mills. He fought pirates and Native Americans and hooted and hollered at the crick with Tom, Huck, and Nigger Jim. When he turned 18, Ultimate Judge Mills joined the Marines in the hope of killing his nation's great enemy, Freddy Krueger. This hardly happened at all. After his honorable discharge, Ultimate Judge Mills drifted from job to job, ultimately wandering into Prison where he was given his trademark teardrop-shaped tattoo. Then he left Prison, as he had only come in to use the restroom, and did something else for a while. Maybe he liberated Cuba or learned Kung Fu from ancient Chinese mystics or whatever, I don't know. Something wacky. After winning a law degree in a game of craps, Ultimate Judge Mills took the logical career path and became a boxing referee. He is most famous for publicly sodomizing Mike Tyson for no reason whatsoever. "Let's get it on," said Ultimate Judge Mills, and Tyson had no choice but to comply. "OMG!!" said Tyson. "WTF!?!"
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